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Original poster

Husband handing over house

115 replies

Mollylegs · 16/06/2023 18:29

Hi my husband left me last year we'd been together 21 years and married for 16. The house is in my husbands name. He is willing to hand the house over to me. My parents are going to give me money to pay a chunk of the mortgage. That is where I thought it best to get a solicitor. I've been told I have to get divorced and I have to have a five month cooling off period. I need this sorted sooner rather than later, I spoke to my solicitor yesterday who didn't tell me she was going on annual leave from today for a fortnight. I don't understand why I can't sort out the house sooner, if we weren't married how would they manage to do it? I'd be very grateful for some advice. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mollylegs · 17/06/2023 15:54

Thank you @keepingsanity

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 17/06/2023 15:56

Hi @Dotcheck yes I've been approved for a mortgage

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Endofroadwhatnext · 17/06/2023 16:12

OP I know its hard but you need to do things right to ensure both you and your Son get the best deal for your financial security.

it’s likely your ex is trying to force your hand as previous posters have said to rush through a ‘deal’ which massively benefits him.

if he stops paying the mortgage it will prevent HIM from buying in the future his credit rating will be wrecked is this something he is likely to find acceptable? If not the chances of him following through are v low.

What financial provision is he making for you currently eg child maintenance? Looking on the csa calculator suggests he should be paying around £477 a month for one child- is he? If not you absolutely must open a claim.

What about other assets and pensions? If he has a public sector or final salary pension you could be talking hundreds of thousands- again you NEED clarity on this.

itslikethis · 17/06/2023 17:01

Very good advice from pp's. Act in haste repent at leisure.

You are probably stressed and anxious and just want things done but you need to slow down and really understand what's going on and how it impacts you and DC now and in the future. Can your parents or someone else on your side look through things from the solicitor with you?

Don't put a chunk of your parents money on the mortgage whilst it's still in his name!

TizerorFizz · 17/06/2023 17:19

He is clearly threatening and if he is the name on the mortgage it’s him that’s defaulting. You both need to engage solicitors and listen to them.

Original poster
Mollylegs · 17/06/2023 17:45

He's certainly not the person I married, he can afford it, the mortgage isn't much considering how much he earns, thank you @TizerorFizz x

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TizerorFizz · 17/06/2023 18:02

So you need to negotiate a financial settlement with all money and investments taken into account.

prh47bridge · 17/06/2023 18:23

TizerorFizz · 17/06/2023 18:02

So you need to negotiate a financial settlement with all money and investments taken into account.

This. Do it properly. You need a divorce and a proper financial settlement with full financial disclosure. However much you want him out of your life, trying to take a shortcut like this could result in him being in your life for much longer and could be very costly for you.

Soontobe60 · 17/06/2023 18:33

Mollylegs · 17/06/2023 17:45

He's certainly not the person I married, he can afford it, the mortgage isn't much considering how much he earns, thank you @TizerorFizz x

Is there a reason why you don't work? You would be expected to source your own income - it’s not up to your ex to pay your mortgage. I’m amazed you managed to get a mortgage without income.
How old is your son?

Lonecatwithkitten · 17/06/2023 18:47

One other thing it is not his money it belongs to both of you, by you staying home and caring for your children you have facilitate his career enabling him to be able to earn this money.
Before you do anything else remind yourself of your value as a 24/7 nanny, housekeeper and PA.

Stillcountingbeans · 17/06/2023 19:20

If you find your solicitor is confusing you, you can get a different one.

Slow down, take a deep breath, and find someone you trust who can share the burden with you, by coming to solicitor meetings and looking over any papers or letters with you.
This could be a friend or sibling or your parents.

DON'T let him bully you or rush you. You need to think of your child's future - so get a full and fair settlement in the best financial interests of your child.

Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:32

Morning @Endofroadwhatnext our son is 19 so I'm not entitled to any money for him. He doesn't have a pension plan in place so I wouldn't get anything from him regarding that. He is I suppose being kind in handing the house over to me, he just wants rid of it. I find it so hard to understand, he is the one who has cheated on me and went off with someone else yet he refuses to speak to me, he will get his mother to send me a message asking a question. I sent him a message on Friday night saying I had 20p left in my bank, I'm on benefits and have had a poorly dog and then a very poorly cat to pay vet fees for. All of my money I had was gone, he obviously got my message as he sent our son £30 into his bank, he has just came back off a 10 day holiday with her, how the hell can he think it's ok not to support his child. The last time he gave me any money at all was in December for some Christmas bits, I've never asked him for money and I've just made do with my universal credit to look after my son. I'm so bloody confused right now. Sorry for the long post x

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:35

Hi @itslikethis I'm not sure who could look over any information for me, my solicitor went on annual leave on Friday and I fear it's too late as she asked me to say in an email what I want to do, apparently after being on here I'm afraid I have done the wrong thing x

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:40

Hi @TizerorFizz he told me when he left he wanted me to take over the house as it was for our son when we would have passed. When he found out about me possibly going for spousal maintenance he said no way and he would sell the house and I'd get half. I couldn't afford to buy anywhere else with half of the money. So I feel my only option is to go for the house so my son and myself still have somewhere to live.

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:42

Hello @Soontobe60 I don't work for health reasons, my son is 19.

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:44

Hi @Lonecatwithkitten I don't feel of any value at all. Just a piece of crap on someones shoes. xx

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Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:47

Hi @Stillcountingbeans I don't have much money, I paid this solicitor £500 as they said they needed money on account before they could do anything, I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, I suppose you trust in them as you think they have your best interests at heart x

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LadyJ2023 · 18/06/2023 08:47

But if he has left he shouldn't be paying for you to stay in the house wether he can afford it our not so I can totally see his point

LadyJ2023 · 18/06/2023 08:49

And yes money on account is normal these days and you will find the 500 won't last w seconds as usually just a phone call can be near the 100 either from a solicitor or if you call the solicitor they charge both ways. Letters can be anywhere in between 200-250 so be prepared for a much bigger bill

Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 08:51

Thank you @LadyJ2023 I am now prepared.

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ProfessorXtra · 18/06/2023 08:51

If you don’t get the financials sorted properly, it won’t matter that it’s in your name. For divorce purposes it doesn’t matter that’s it’s only in his name now.

If you don’t get the financials sorted he could make a claim against you/the house in future.

It sounds like you have paid for a solicitor and completely ignoring their advice.

FuckYouDailyMail · 18/06/2023 08:52

I'm worried about how you will afford the mortgage without a salary, I appreciate you can't work for health reasons.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/06/2023 09:03

Op I get that you are stressed but I think it’s a good thing your solicitor is away as you are better off thinking things through and doing things right.

First, can you afford to run the house on your own?? This means pay the mortgage, council tax, all bills and the cost of maintaining it. If you are not sure, I would make an appointment with CAB to talk through your budget.

Once you find that out, then decide should you keep the house or are you better off in a flat. Think about being closer to family, transport, lower running costs etc. Even if you do go ahead and take over the house now, start thinking about your future.

Next thing- what are the assets of the marriage. You say your ex does not have a pension. Are you sure about that? Is that because he is self employed ? What about cars, bank accounts, investments?
If you have not been able to work and cannot work in the future, that is taken into account when dividing assets. You may be entitled to more than 50 percent.

Original poster
Mollylegs · 18/06/2023 09:09

Hi @Rainbowqueeen yes my husband is self employed, when he left he didn't have a pension. I honestly think if he thought he would have to pay me any money he would just jack in his job just so he doesn't have to give me anything. I have worked out how much it would cost me to stay here and it's certainly cheaper than if he sold up and I had to pay private rent. Thanks for commenting x

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Basilthymerosemary · 18/06/2023 09:21

In The nicest way you are being an idiot to ignore solicitors and pp's advice. But I do hope you get it sorted and not disadvantage yourself in the long term.