Solicitor refusing to speak to DH

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I will try and be brief but there's some key details I need to include.

DMIL got divorced during COVID. She didn't want the divorce but DFIL had found a new partner. This is relevant because she wasn't motivated to do any of the paperwork.

DH now has financial POA as DMIL is in nursing care with dementia and is unable to hold even the briefest of conversations. This is relevant because she cannot be expected to understand or sign anything now.

DH has sold her house to pay for the fees and has gone through her paperwork. There is a letter from the solicitor who wrote her will giving her 3 actions to take as a result of a meeting she had with them about her divorce paperwork.

This meeting shouldn't really have taken place without DH because DMIL has never had an understanding of paperwork and DFIL always did it. DMIL was supposed to just drop the paperwork off but seems to have ended up in a meeting which DH saw was charged at £125. He called the firm at the time to query what the meeting was about as DMIL literally couldn't remember. The firm refused to speak to him without POA. He decided to drop the issue as his DM insisted she didn't want a fuss and just wouldn't use the firm again.

DH wants to check if those 3 actions have been carried out to make sure the divorce is finalised. He called the will solicitors to check as it was their letter but the named solicitor refused to speak to him. DH says he could provide the POA but the solicitor through the secretary said that wouldn't be enough and he couldn't speak to him about the matter. The will solicitor said DH could get his DM to sign a letter giving DH permission or the will solicitor could visit the care home.

This is unreasonable for a number of reasons a) that's unethical because she wouldn't know what she was doing/signing b) that's what the POA is for c) most importantly DMIL has forgotten she is divorced and speak of DFIL fondly and as if he visits regularly. Bringing up the divorce in front of her would be so cruel.

Surely it's incorrect to say DH can't speak to the will solicitor despite having POA?

DH is going to check with the divorce solicitor to see if there were any actions DMIL should have taken but he's concerned about the will solicitor refusing to speak to him despite POA. He is the executor and he's worried when he needs to execute the will this will solicitor will be the pain in the bum he's been so far.

Can DH remove all paperwork the will solicitor has for his DM? So will and divorce paperwork and hold them himself or give to another solicitor for safe keeping? He's an only child with any assets left after care fees going to him so it will be straightforward when the time comes. Except if this will solicitor is still involved.

How frustrating for everyone has he got the original copy of the LPA and has his mum had a formal capacity assessment. I would speak to one of the Partners to explain the situation. Did his mum have capacity at the time she discussed the divorce with the solicitor, did he have poa then?

Could it be perhaps that the solicitor needs to be satisfied by seeing it themself that your DMIL no longer has capacity, before liaising with your DH?

Thank you for responding. He does have the LPA as he got it himself (as in not through a solicitor). DH says she not had a formal capacity assessment.
She did have capacity during the divorce but was vulnerable as she didn't want it to happen. Her best friend sat through all the divorce meetings.

She has really gone downhill from this time last year when she was fully independent and could make decisions with support to today when she cannot hold a conversation.

Possibly. But if so he should have said I can't do A because of B. If you do C then I can do A. But it was a complete dead end non conversation. If the will solicitor needs evidence of formal non capacity he should say so and DH could sort it.

If she has not had a formal capacity assessment then solicitor is being correct in not sharing info I'd presume? The financial info is OK to share as don't need to lack capacity for this but welfare decisions need verification of lack of capacity I think.
How old are dmil/dfil?

Do you know what the 3 actions are, has the divorce been finalised. I don't think financial poa would cover a divorce meeting that took place several years ago when she had capacity. Can her friend or fil help at all. Did she have capacity when she arranged your dh to have financial poa.

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The solicitor will need to assess her capacity. ‘Capacity assesment’ also isn’t that meaningful as it needs to be specific to the circumstance eg she may be judged as having capacity in some areas and not others. POA can only be used if someone is assessed
as lacking capacity in that particular circumstance. It can also fluctuate so one day might have capacity and the next not..

Maybe once she has had a formal capacity assessment by a health professional your dh needs to apply to the Courts to become her Litigation Friend which may give him access to her divorce documents. His dad must know if the divorce was finalised or not.

Quite possibly. But the will solicitor didn't tell DH what he needed to do to be able to speak about the actions on his DM's behalf. Just that a POA would probably not be enough. But not tell him what would be enough, hence posting on MN to find out what DH needs to do to be able to speak on his DM's behalf.

DMIL is early 80s. DFIL is late 70s but has absolutely nothing to do with DMIL anymore.

Yes DH does. He wanted to check with the will solicitor if they are still needed or could potentially be needed this many years on. But the will solicitor wouldn't talk to him at all about any of the actions whether in detail or hypothetically.

DFIL has nothing to do with DMIL since the divorce. Very sad for her and DH but he's moved on with his new wife.

Her friend passed the actions onto DH all those years ago but the will solicitor wouldn't speak to him then either but as his DM had capacity then he respected that and left it to his DM to do the actions or not.

She definitely had capacity for the financial POA but has deteriorated really quickly in the last year.

She really is in very advanced stages of dementia. DH would be prepared for the solicitor to meet his DM if the will solicitor was prepared to promise not to mention the divorce. Literally 5 minutes in DMiL's presence and the will solicitor would be able to tell she doesn't have capacity for anything financial, divorce or will related.

Litigation friend! Yes that's what her best friend was in the divorce. However, and this is very sad, her 'best friend' has not visited DMiL at the home since she moved in February. It's only 20 minutes from her but DH has scanned the visitors book every time to see which of her friends has visited to be able to make small talk with his DM about her friends and visits. And not once has her name appeared.

His dad has remarried so he assumes it's all gone through. But if the will solicitor gave 3 actions (one of which was something about a court) and DM hasn't done them DH doesn't know what the consequences are.

What is your dh worried about that may not have bern done. Her Litigation Friend would have acted on her behalf during the divorce if she didn't have capacity at the time, signed paperwork, paid any costs and acted in her best interests. If there were any issues raised then surely the divorce could not have been finalised by the Courts.

DMILs litigation friend gave DH the paperwork to give to the wills solicitor. DMIL lives closer to the will solicitor so next time he saw her he told her to pop in and drop off the paperwork. Instead she went it to give the paperwork, ended up in a meeting that cost her £125 and was sent a letter from that meeting giving her 3 actions. When DH saw from her financial records she had paid this bill he asked what the meeting was about but DMIL said she couldn't remember. DH phoned to ask what it was about but they wouldn't tell him. Fine. He asked his DM again (she was better than she is now) and she said she didn't know but he didn't need to find out she would just stop using them as a solicitor. When well she had a habit of throwing her toys out of the pram when you put even the slightest bit of pressure on her to do something herself e.g. read her own meter, fill in her own paperwork, reply to a letter/email. I kid you not. DFiL did all of it. She led a very cosy life in that sense. She kept home. He did the finances etc. Till he found someone else.

So DH didn't push the issue then but as DMiL is not in the best health and he's cleared out her house he's trying to get everything in order before she goes.

Yes. That’s exactly what happens. I imagine when they saw OP’s MIL she was lucid, or atleast convinced them she was and that’s why they’re not 100% content with just relying on the LPA at this stage.

If she had full mental capacity at the time why did she need a Litigation Friend to help her with the divorce?

Because she was unable to get through the process on her own. She had never done any paperwork in her life so needed someone to explain everything to her. She would have needed this - dementia or no dementia. And she was vulnerable because she was getting divorced against her will because they'd been separated for long enough and DFIL wanted to marry his new partner.

That's very possible so I'll suggest it to DH as the reason the will solicitor may have refused to speak to him.

IANAL.

As previous posters have said, POA doesn’t cover this, neither financial nor health and welfare.

MIL was a client of the solicitor, your DH is not. It may therefore not be possible for that solicitor to advise your DH on this matter, even to the tune of “if you do this I can do this”

Can your DH engage to another solicitor local to your MIL and ask their advice? The will solicitor may well talk to them.

So it’s something to verify the legitimacy of the will? The divorce is a red herring in the sense that there’s no issue with the divorce papers. It’s something that was required for her will?

What were the choice of three actions? Perhaps if you share those, posters can reassure whether it’s still needed or not.

I think DH needs to respond to the solicitor along the lines of... As my mother's registered attorney, I have a duty to ensure that her affairs are in order and appropriately managed. She is no longer able to do this for herself. Please let me know what actions you require of me to achieve this... '

Also, when your MIL dies, DH as executor will have official standing and so the will solicitor can deal with him in that capacity. Just because he/she isn’t helping now, doesn’t mean they will be obstructive at that stage.

Can the litigation friend call and ask the questions? They may have official standing with the lawyer where DH does not.

Is it worth your dh talking to her GP?

Something like a letter saying

'I understand that you are the GP for my mother Jane Smith (dare of birth XX). I am her son John Smith and have POA for finances but not for health and welfare. In order to manage her affairs I am attempting to find out if her divorce was completed. As you know, Jane has a diagnosis of dementia and is now in XX Nursing Home as she was unsafe to continue living at home. In conversation she has no memory of the divorce. Her solicitor will not speak to me without an assessment of her mental capacity.

Are you able to give a view on whether she has mental capacity for a decision on whether to allow me to speak to her solicitor? I would caution you that she may become distressed if the divorce is brought up with her, as she has no memory of that process and believes she is still married. However I believe the question is whether she can make the decision to allow me to see the paperwork on meetings held by the solicitor, rather than the divorce itself.

Many thanks for considering this.

Cc The Solicitor'

Does your DH not have any relationship with his father? Presumably DFIL can provide evidence that the divorce was finalised. One would hope so, otherwise he's committing bigamy by getting married again.