Solicitor refusing to speak to DH

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I will try and be brief but there's some key details I need to include.

DMIL got divorced during COVID. She didn't want the divorce but DFIL had found a new partner. This is relevant because she wasn't motivated to do any of the paperwork.

DH now has financial POA as DMIL is in nursing care with dementia and is unable to hold even the briefest of conversations. This is relevant because she cannot be expected to understand or sign anything now.

DH has sold her house to pay for the fees and has gone through her paperwork. There is a letter from the solicitor who wrote her will giving her 3 actions to take as a result of a meeting she had with them about her divorce paperwork.

This meeting shouldn't really have taken place without DH because DMIL has never had an understanding of paperwork and DFIL always did it. DMIL was supposed to just drop the paperwork off but seems to have ended up in a meeting which DH saw was charged at £125. He called the firm at the time to query what the meeting was about as DMIL literally couldn't remember. The firm refused to speak to him without POA. He decided to drop the issue as his DM insisted she didn't want a fuss and just wouldn't use the firm again.

DH wants to check if those 3 actions have been carried out to make sure the divorce is finalised. He called the will solicitors to check as it was their letter but the named solicitor refused to speak to him. DH says he could provide the POA but the solicitor through the secretary said that wouldn't be enough and he couldn't speak to him about the matter. The will solicitor said DH could get his DM to sign a letter giving DH permission or the will solicitor could visit the care home.

This is unreasonable for a number of reasons a) that's unethical because she wouldn't know what she was doing/signing b) that's what the POA is for c) most importantly DMIL has forgotten she is divorced and speak of DFIL fondly and as if he visits regularly. Bringing up the divorce in front of her would be so cruel.

Surely it's incorrect to say DH can't speak to the will solicitor despite having POA?

DH is going to check with the divorce solicitor to see if there were any actions DMIL should have taken but he's concerned about the will solicitor refusing to speak to him despite POA. He is the executor and he's worried when he needs to execute the will this will solicitor will be the pain in the bum he's been so far.

Can DH remove all paperwork the will solicitor has for his DM? So will and divorce paperwork and hold them himself or give to another solicitor for safe keeping? He's an only child with any assets left after care fees going to him so it will be straightforward when the time comes. Except if this will solicitor is still involved.

I don’t think the question is about whether the divorce was finalised. It’s about other actions, probably regarding to the financial settlement. Possibly, for example, writing to the land registry to confirm the house is now solely in MIL’s name or to banks to ensure FIL is taken off joint accounts or investments.

The question is at least partly about whether the divorce has been finalised. The OP says DH wants to check if those 3 actions have been carried out to make sure the divorce is finalised.

A divorce decree is a public document. If the divorce has not been finalised, there would be no decree absolute. Anyone can request a copy online https://www.gov.uk/copy-decree-absolute-final-order

Thank you for all the responses. 2 of the actions were to do with splitting assets e.g. the pension and one was to do with some sort of court paperwork. DH has emailed the financial advisor to check if the assets were split and has emailed the court to ask about the paperwork. He's just working on the basis his DM will not have done anything the letter asked.

He could get the GP involved as he was with his DM for previous dementia appointments. I think what he's most frustrated about is he's getting more help and suggestions of things he can do from MN - and he is very appreciative of the idea shared here that because the will solicitor met his DM while lucid the will solicitor would need more than an LPA to prove she can no longer speak for herself. He's getting more help from MN than from the will solicitor who gave him no idea why or how he would or could speak with him!

There really is no reason why the will solicitor is getting involved with divorce paperwork at all. Other than the litigation friend told DH to drop the divorce paperwork into the will solicitors office but DH being a lazy man gave it to his DM to do and she ended up in a £125 meeting with 3 actions!

The litigation friend has been on DHs back for months about finding the right nursing home for his DM. Now he's found one he literally hasn't heard from her once since his DM went in! So asking her to do anything would have her berate him for not doing it himself (she gives him a hard time about the help his DM needs but he's a teacher and so cannot get out of work to take her to appointments etc. The litigation friend, DMiLs 'best friend' does not and has never worked, lives closer to her, is very well off and in good health. Of course DH should pull his weight but as an only child it all falls on him and he cannot take private calls during the day due to his teaching responsibilities). He would rather sort this himself without involving her and get earache about not sorting it earlier, even though he tried about a year ago and the will solicitor wouldn't talk to him then but then his mum did have capacity with support so he let it go and gave his mum and litigation friend the benefit of the doubt. Although incorrectly it would seem.

As an aside, DH took his DM out for afternoon tea yesterday, without me or the DC. Making small talk in the car his DM asked him 'How's your mum?' He couldn't help but laugh and say 'you're my mum!' but if you mean Tits mum she's fine.

I think if he can your DH should take your MIL with him to the solicitors - if she’s lucid, she can direct the solicitor to deal with your DH on her behalf even without a PA. If she’s not lucid well it shows the LPA has come into affect.

There’s also nothing to stop the solicitor liaising directly with the divorce solicitor.

Even if your DH had dropped off the paperwork, there’s a good chance a letter would have come through asking for those proofs anyway, which MIL would have ignored.

DH heard back from the financial advisor today who confirmed all actions had been taken so he can file the letter safe in the knowledge everything is in order.

He's also contacted another firm of solicitors with a view to moving the will because he has no hope of being able to work with that will solicitor when DMil dies. So totally unhelpful.

Also, I do understand why @RedRosette2023 suggested taking his DM to the will solicitor so the will solicitor could see her for himself. But honestly his DM is in such a bad way, wheeling her out to prove a point to the solicitor would be cruel. It would undoubtedly shame the will solicitor into accepting the LPA but at the cost of confusing a frail old lady who would have no idea what she was doing or why. The kindest thing is for her to have friends visit, have the odd day out to a cafe or event and live the rest of her life hassle free. That's why DH is running around after her trying to sort this out so she doesn't need to be bothered. Back in the day she'd be stubborn and dismissive. Now she gets agitated and upset which is horrible for everyone.

Thank you for all the advice and it did help DH to understand why the will solicitor wouldn't talk to him and he's found a way round it to give him peace of mind.

I’m so glad he has peace of mind!

Hasn’t your MIL recently attended the solicitors though on her own? It’s not proving a point it’s proper due diligence. People sell other peoples houses and steal their money all the time. She’s protecting your MIL and protecting herself too.

You've given lots of reasons why you don't think it's worth contacting FIL and MIL friend to see what they can share but it's surety worth a shot.

Isn't it half term this week so he can make phone calls during the day?

Also, as PP suggested, the divorce is a matter of public record

If you call 2 years ago recent then yes. But in the last 12 months she's deteriorated rapidly from being able to live independently with no carer (other than DH) to be in full time nursing care and unable to hold a conversation. So DH and I do understand the point about the will solicitor not knowing how rapidly she's deteriorated and wanting to know more. But that's not what the will solicitor said. He said I can't talk to you and the LPA won't be enough. But wouldn't tell DH what would be enough.

Yes and he's got it all sorted by speaking to his DMs financial advisor who confirmed all the actions had been taken.

FIL doesn't want to talk about MIL and skirts round the subject any time it's brought up. And he has moved on and no longer wants to deal with the hassle that comes with Mil.

Her 'best' friend only ever gets in touch with DH to give him grief about not doing enough so if he contacts her it will be 'you should sort this out yourself and while you're at it here's some things I think you aren't doing well enough ' so he's keen to avoid that grief if he can. And he has so all is well.

There may be decree absolute on the divorce but are the divorce finances finalised eg could the ex husband claim from the sums obtained from sale of the house etc? If they are finalised then you need a copy of the court order dividing the finances on the divorce or the divorce "consent order" as sealed by the court. This will say how finances were formally divided on the divorce. If there is no such financial settlement or court order then even 10 years later either of them could claim from the other.

It's a poor show to say as he's a teacher he can't take any calla or time off. Of course he can, but he does need to ask. Schools are not Prisons and slt have parents too.

My school would have no issue at all if urgent calls had to be taken, preferably at a specific time but that's not always possible. You can email slt / reception to get the body in the classroom if you have to leave.

Yes this was what the financial advisor said had been done.

I'm pleased to hear your school allow it but with the greatest of respect you have no idea what type of education setting he works in nor the role that he does.

He does absolutely everything he can within the boundaries of the role he works in.

He definitely couldn't take time out during the day to drive 45 minutes to his DMs care home get her ready to see a solicitor, have the meeting, settle her after the meeting and drive 45 minutes back to work which is what would be needed to "prove" to the wills solicitor she's incapable of managing her affairs.

Instead he did what he could do and got the answers he needed and is now reassured.