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Legal matters

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Original poster

DH’s will and my step kids

81 replies

Sosadsadsad · 26/03/2023 17:38

I’ve been married to DH for 25 years. He’s my soul mate and he’s very unwell. I’m hoping he’ll pull through but we had a few frank conversations, got out our wills etc.

his will I’m an executor along side his three children (all early forties married with their own children). I thought it was all laid out quite straight forward who gets what etc. I get the house, his pension. The kids get his cash (Upto the point they don’t pay inheritance tax). The plan being that I pass on more to them in my will if I survive him.

I get along really well with his kids but a friend of mine thinks one DH DC is likely to cause a fuss when their dad goes. I am a bit shocked, but actually they’ve had moments in the past so has left me wondering.

the house is in his name. He lived here before me. Paid it off a few years ago. Told me he wouldn’t have been able to keep it if I hadn’t moved in when I did. So I’ve paid toward all the bills (not mortgage) etc ever since I’ve lived here 27 years.

can this one DC, or all three if they want to cause me to lose my home? Can they put a spanner in the works of what I thought was a straight forward legal document? I know I probably need to see a solicitor but can’t see how I can get away at the moment to do it.

OP posts:
squix · 27/03/2023 09:25

So sorry that you are facing a tough time OP and that your husband is so ill. I agree with previous posters that it's probably a good idea for your husband to talk to his children whilst he is able about his intentions. Also, if you are struggling to get to see a solicitor, most solicitors should be able to do a video (Teams / Zoom / Facetime/ something else) call with you or you and your husband at least for an initial conversation.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/03/2023 09:27

Myneighbourskia · 27/03/2023 09:15

My friend's father died and her mother remarried. Her mother then died. The stepfather left the farm to his own family and she was completely cut out. It happens a lot. It still rankles decades later, even though she's comfortable now. What's legal isn't always what is moral.

JFC. The OP's DH may be dying, and posters are trying to guilt her out of ownership of the marital home.

SeasonFinale · 27/03/2023 09:32

Unless he is actually financially maintaining any of his adult children and the amount he has left them isn't enough to do that then they simply don't have a case to contest the will (unless they can prove undue influence or he didn't have capacity when he made the will).

Crazycrazylady · 27/03/2023 11:58

Honestly to contest a will they'd need to
Prove one of the following.

Person didn't have capacity
Person was coerced
Children weren't provided for

They would really struggle to challenge imo.

WigglyWaggly · 27/03/2023 13:14

I'm sorry that your husband is so I'll. it must be so difficult for you.

If i was one of the kids and I had been promised the house after the OP eventually dies I'd be unhappy with the arrangement too. I'd want a share of the house as that's what my Dad wanted.

I think it would help make everything clear now.

If the OP has been married and lived in the house so long then she should have it outright with no requirement to give it to the husbands kids after she dies.

I think the husband has been foolish and unfair to everyone. There is a conflict and the time to iron out any problems is now not later.

BlueHeelers · 27/03/2023 13:58

The plan being that I pass on more to them in my will if I survive him.

If I were your DH’s DC this is the bit I’d be worried about. What happens if you leave everything away from your DH’s DC, including his house etc? What happens if you marry again, and predecessor this 2nd DH?

And so on.

From the POV of your DH’s DCs, you could do anything with their father’s assets. You could act badly or unfairly towards them. If your DH is concerned about this, he needs to set things up so that you have a lifetime use of the house and it automatically goes to the DC on your death.

Your DH may not e concerned about this. But his DC may be, so it might be worth discussing it, so if the worst happens, at least you won’t be put in an awkward position or vulnerable to your step DCs’ suspicions.

BlueHeelers · 27/03/2023 14:02

Sosadsadsad · 26/03/2023 18:16

We are in UK. I have a DD, she’s not named in his will.
the plan is on my death I leave everything he left me to his kids and my own wealth to my DD.

Well that might be the plan, but I’ve seen that go wrong far too many times.

Your DH is the one that needs to put his estate into a lifetime trust. That keeps you above suspicion and it’s all clear.

Frankly, if I were a DC in this situation I’d be resigning myself to not inheriting. Because the plan at the moment is very shaky from yoUr DH’s DCs POV.

Of course, that’s not the only POV in the situation.

caffelattetogo · 27/03/2023 14:03

You should stay in the house with a life interest, but not own it. What happens to your step children if you remarry?

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 14:04

"Look at it from their perspective. Nothing is stopping you from disinheriting them and leaving everything to your daughter. Obviously they're going to be concerned and upset."

Look at it from the daughters perspective. Her stepdad of 25 years plans to leave her absolutely nothing! Why not just give the 4 of them an equal share after all that time?

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 14:19

Don't worry the poor man now by bringing up potential fallings out between his loved ones after he's gone. The will sounds fine, and if there is a problem you and the kids can fight it out later, you can collectively change the will by agreement if you all decide to. But you deserve the house you have been there for him every day for 25 years the children have been long gone. Don't worry about it and don't let it spoil the rest of your time together.

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 14:26

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 14:19

Don't worry the poor man now by bringing up potential fallings out between his loved ones after he's gone. The will sounds fine, and if there is a problem you and the kids can fight it out later, you can collectively change the will by agreement if you all decide to. But you deserve the house you have been there for him every day for 25 years the children have been long gone. Don't worry about it and don't let it spoil the rest of your time together.

Completely agree with this.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 27/03/2023 14:31

There are no grounds whatsoever to challenge the will.

ignore whoever has wound you up by anticipating trouble. Concentrate on looking after your husband.

I wish you all the best .

Whiteroomjoy · 27/03/2023 14:41

Sosadsadsad · 26/03/2023 18:16

We are in UK. I have a DD, she’s not named in his will.
the plan is on my death I leave everything he left me to his kids and my own wealth to my DD.

The “plan is” is irrelevant. You can agree this now, but may change your mind in another 1 years particularly if you either loose contact with your sc or they don’t stay in touch or worse .
or it could all be used on your long term care- which if left to you and you need care , it will. You can’t ring fence it at all.
so, stating the, well it’s ok, they’ll get in long term, is a red herring and no one should hold any likelihood that it will happen. That whole plan and intent is best to be entirely ignored, and to just focus on rThe wrongs, rights, or anything between of what your sc will inherit direct from their father on his death . Personally, I think the Scottish law has something of a good balance and would aim for something like that. But, it’s not me, it’s your husbands decision,
one thing though, your DH needs to talk with his dc before his death whenever that is. Like now is a good time. He needs to explain why he’s decided what he has, and let his dc comment, express concern, preferable with you not there so they can speak completely freely without fear of upsetting you. Your DH needs to take that responsibility, and not let you deal with the shitshow fallout after his death that could occur. He needs to give his dc time to accept and understand his reasoning, now, while he’s still around for them to talk to

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 14:47

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 14:04

"Look at it from their perspective. Nothing is stopping you from disinheriting them and leaving everything to your daughter. Obviously they're going to be concerned and upset."

Look at it from the daughters perspective. Her stepdad of 25 years plans to leave her absolutely nothing! Why not just give the 4 of them an equal share after all that time?

What would happen if OP died though. Who and what would go to who?

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 14:49

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 07:56

Yeah, but it seems like op has no intention of not willing the house to them. And they wouldn’t get the £ benefit before she died anyway, even if, say, he left half to her with right to live there and half to his kids.

She could leave the house to her own DD. What could the kids do about it?

Villssev · 27/03/2023 15:25

Your DD has been in his life for best part of three decades

and he doesn’t mention her in his will

Bloody hell

Theelephantinthecastle · 27/03/2023 15:30

Villssev · 27/03/2023 15:25

Your DD has been in his life for best part of three decades

and he doesn’t mention her in his will

Bloody hell

Same is true vice versa, the OP doesn't intend to leave any of her money to her stepchildren

BadForBusiness · 27/03/2023 15:33

Villssev · 27/03/2023 15:25

Your DD has been in his life for best part of three decades

and he doesn’t mention her in his will

Bloody hell

The OP doesn't seem concerned about the situation. Maybe DD has significant expectations from her father, or has already inherited from paternal GPs.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 15:52

Theelephantinthecastle · 27/03/2023 15:30

Same is true vice versa, the OP doesn't intend to leave any of her money to her stepchildren

Show quote history

Children in your life for three decades
living with one another at times
and you don’t want to leave them a cent in your will speaks volumes

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 16:16

Villssev · 27/03/2023 15:52

Children in your life for three decades
living with one another at times
and you don’t want to leave them a cent in your will speaks volumes

Show quote history

This is misrepresenting. The OP leaves the money she has already. to her DD and the house (which then belongs fully to her) to her step DCs. It doesn’t speak volumes about anything.

All this speculation must be very distressing for OP, whose husband is gravely ill.

IhearyouClemFandango · 27/03/2023 17:22

Assets are as much her's as his after all this time. This isn't a new marriage.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 17:24

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 16:16

This is misrepresenting. The OP leaves the money she has already. to her DD and the house (which then belongs fully to her) to her step DCs. It doesn’t speak volumes about anything.

All this speculation must be very distressing for OP, whose husband is gravely ill.

Show quote history

The op posted on the basis of a friend who thinks the OP’s SD, that has been in her life for three decades, may be a troublemaker post death.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 17:25

The Op is clearly one for “speculation”

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 17:27

Villssev · 27/03/2023 17:25

The Op is clearly one for “speculation”

What do you mean by this?

DojaPhat · 27/03/2023 17:44

Given that

The plan being that I pass on more to them in my will if I survive him.

And OP's daughter has not been included in the will which the OP hasn't mentioned or indicated it's of concern to her it raises the question of who really might want to throw a spanner in the works.

The whole set up sounds like it will lead to a lot of pain and fallout. It just seems very odd that the OP is not even a little worried that her daughter hasn't been included even as far as anything left upon with the OP is to divvied up among his 3 kids in her will. Not a single look in for her own daughter, presuming he was as much as part of the OP's daughter's life as she has been to his kids then it would really anger me if I were in the OP's shoes. But I'm sure you know all of that and will act accordingly to correct any perceived wrongs, OP.