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Legal matters

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Original poster

DH’s will and my step kids

81 replies

Sosadsadsad · 26/03/2023 17:38

I’ve been married to DH for 25 years. He’s my soul mate and he’s very unwell. I’m hoping he’ll pull through but we had a few frank conversations, got out our wills etc.

his will I’m an executor along side his three children (all early forties married with their own children). I thought it was all laid out quite straight forward who gets what etc. I get the house, his pension. The kids get his cash (Upto the point they don’t pay inheritance tax). The plan being that I pass on more to them in my will if I survive him.

I get along really well with his kids but a friend of mine thinks one DH DC is likely to cause a fuss when their dad goes. I am a bit shocked, but actually they’ve had moments in the past so has left me wondering.

the house is in his name. He lived here before me. Paid it off a few years ago. Told me he wouldn’t have been able to keep it if I hadn’t moved in when I did. So I’ve paid toward all the bills (not mortgage) etc ever since I’ve lived here 27 years.

can this one DC, or all three if they want to cause me to lose my home? Can they put a spanner in the works of what I thought was a straight forward legal document? I know I probably need to see a solicitor but can’t see how I can get away at the moment to do it.

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/03/2023 07:52

Myneighbourskia · 27/03/2023 07:11

Look at it from their perspective. Nothing is stopping you from disinheriting them and leaving everything to your daughter. Obviously they're going to be concerned and upset.

OP has been married 25 years and paid a lot into the house. It’s hers, not theirs.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/03/2023 07:54

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/03/2023 07:52

OP has been married 25 years and paid a lot into the house. It’s hers, not theirs.

Show quote history

Where does it say she’s paid in a lot? Her OP specifically says she hasn’t paid anything towards the mortgage.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 07:55

but a friend of mine thinks one DH DC is likely to cause a fuss when their dad goes

your friend sounds a shit stirrer

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 07:56

Yeah, but it seems like op has no intention of not willing the house to them. And they wouldn’t get the £ benefit before she died anyway, even if, say, he left half to her with right to live there and half to his kids.

Beamur · 27/03/2023 07:57

I wouldn't for a moment entertain giving up your home.
I'm a second wife and my DH's will leaves the house to me. I've lived here a long time and contributed a lot to it.
Anyone is fortunate to gain from inheritance. It shouldn't be considered a right.
Hope your DH improves OP. But if not, be careful of making big decisions immediately.

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 07:57

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/03/2023 07:54

Where does it say she’s paid in a lot? Her OP specifically says she hasn’t paid anything towards the mortgage.

Show quote history

She’s paid bills and her DH indicated he wouldn’t have been able to afford to keep the house without her contributions

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 07:57

Villssev · 27/03/2023 07:55

but a friend of mine thinks one DH DC is likely to cause a fuss when their dad goes

your friend sounds a shit stirrer

Agree with this. There may be no issue at all here!

Niceweatherseeker · 27/03/2023 07:58

I’d strongly advise he talk to the kids. Often it’s not about the money but about it representing love. Get him to at least write a letter explaining.
Another alternative would be to leave the house split between you but in a trust so that you get to live their for life. It also would protect against care home fees eating up the equity.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 07:59

You have known these people for almost three decades and yet you are swayed by the opinion of a “friend”. 🙄

Sundaefraise · 27/03/2023 08:01

I’m so sorry about your dh, but a friend thinking one dc might make a fuss about the will is very different than them actually doing it. Take one day at a time.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 08:05

“Dh I know you’re dying and all that, but my mate thinks your child, who I’ve known thirty years, is going to screw me over after you die, can you do something to ensure this doesn’t happen?”

Soontobe60 · 27/03/2023 08:07

Beamur · 27/03/2023 07:57

I wouldn't for a moment entertain giving up your home.
I'm a second wife and my DH's will leaves the house to me. I've lived here a long time and contributed a lot to it.
Anyone is fortunate to gain from inheritance. It shouldn't be considered a right.
Hope your DH improves OP. But if not, be careful of making big decisions immediately.

My dsis died several years ago. Their house was about to be repossessed but as a result of her death, the life insurance paid off the mortgage outright. Her dh was a spender, hence the debt.
he’s since remarried had more kids and according to my niece has willed the house to his second wife. In what way is that fair?

bigbluebus · 27/03/2023 08:11

His plan isn't watertight. He should be leaving the property in trust with a lifetime interest for you to live in it rent free (you maintain it and can sell but any property you buy must also be held in trust). As it stands there is nothing to stop you altering your will to leave the house to your child or any future spouse/partner once your DH has died. A will like your DHs very much relies on trust and that circumstances don't change after he's gone.

Theelephantinthecastle · 27/03/2023 08:11

Agree with the PP who said that amounts matter.

If the house is worth £1m and the kids are getting a much smaller amount in cash, I can see why they might not be very happy with that. If the house is worth £150k and they are getting £250k each in cash, it's very different.

I also think reassuring them quickly and getting your own will drawn up and showing it to them is important - if you die without a will, your DD gets the lot and she might not be as scrupulous as you about giving it to them.

I think also being aware that there are a lot of emotions in this sort of thing - was this their family home before you met their father?

chanceofpear · 27/03/2023 08:13

Not every family has these fallinga ohr despite what you read on here. The important thing in my view is that people know the plan.

My aunt remarried. Her new husband came to live in her house. They were together 30 years. He died. Then later she died and in her will the money was split equally between the 6 children (3 each none shared).

They all knew the plan so everyone was happy.

Your husband's children will be worried you leave the lot to your child of course. And you might yet so its a reasonable worry but things can be done to allay their fears. Better to speak frankly about it whilst everyone is still alive.

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 08:19

amillionrosepetals · 26/03/2023 20:26

TBH I don't think any of your step children will be totally happy about the house situation. Was it their family home? Did their mother contribute to it's purchase? I'm just trying to see it from their point of view.
Please don't take this the wrong way but there have been many posts on MN about children of the first marriage being in effect disinherited by a second wife.
As pp has said, if you eventually need care then the house could end up being sold to pay your care costs, something your step children may also be unhappy about. As has also been said already, you having the right to live in the house for the rest of your life, and the house then going to the stepchildren, may be the way to go.
Would you actually want to carry on living in the house if your husband dies? Would leaving it to be sold and the proceeds split in some way be worth considering?
As for a challenge to the Will, the Family Inheritance Act says only that a person must make 'reasonable provision' for their children. The Courts then have free rein to decide what 'reasonable provision' means.

I was wondering about the original mother too. The fact she will have been left to raise kids...

Sugargliderwombat · 27/03/2023 08:31

Off topic but I think your friend has been a bit unkind here stirring all this up. Is your DH well enough to speak to his children now and explain his will ? Are they expecting to get the house?

Noicant · 27/03/2023 08:31

I think he should have left you with a lifetime interest in the house. I know it may feel insulting but they have no guarantee that you will actually leave anything to them at all. You see it mumsnet all the time, children being completely disinherited by step parents. It’s what I would do for my DD.

You have still got time to change the will, it would avoid any falling out.

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 08:42

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 08:19

I was wondering about the original mother too. The fact she will have been left to raise kids...

Show quote history

I assume that was sorted out in the divorce settlement at the time.

SkaterBrained · 27/03/2023 08:47

What happened with his exW?

If she had helped buy the house, died and left everything to him (including life insurance that paid off the mortgage) - then I can understand his DC feeling put out if there's a risk your DC gets it.

If they divorced and they see it as DH house, I can't see why there would be a problem.

IhearyouClemFandango · 27/03/2023 08:48

You've been together 25 years, this isn't a fly by night marriage.

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 08:52

People, I think we (including me) are getting off the point. OP’s DH is very ill and her original question was whether the Will could be successfully challenged, not whether it was right.

OP, I hope your DH recovers and that you have what you need to know. All
the best.

Fireyflies · 27/03/2023 08:59

The kids here are in their 40s @Comii9 so would hand been more or less grown up when the OP married her DH. Their mother has been divorced for 25+years and has absolutely no right to her ex husband's house!!

Myneighbourskia · 27/03/2023 09:15

My friend's father died and her mother remarried. Her mother then died. The stepfather left the farm to his own family and she was completely cut out. It happens a lot. It still rankles decades later, even though she's comfortable now. What's legal isn't always what is moral.

trebarwith1 · 27/03/2023 09:21

I've worked with will disputes for 15 years and this all sounds fine. The kids are getting something and I am sure no solicitor would advise that they bought a claim against the estate of your husband. I really wouldn't worry xx