Domestic abuse/ violence to me and kids.

[Catsandallthingscrazy]

So I've been with this scumbag for 25 +years , we have two kids together 10 and 8y.o. He's been smacking kids since they were toddlers and ALWAYS when I wasn't around. He admits on a social media platform on a PM that he's smacked both kids in a country where is is now banned . I have previously attempted to report it to local police as its always been an issue and had varying degrees of support. Its the main reason why we are now separated as his form of " discipline" is VERY different to mine !!! Always myself and kids moved out into temporary accommodation last Monday because there was police officers on my doorstep on Saturday morning and one of the officers attending notified of Ex that I was intended in " accusing him of child abuse " . He subsequently threatened to take the kids away from me and have me declared as an unfit mother ! I knew I had to get out so called domestic abuse worker Monday morning and told her what had happened. She instructed me to contact various refuges in area. Turns out NON in local area. I then have NO option to declare myself homeless and fleeing domestic abuse and present at local council for emergency housing. All sorts now. I originate from another country but would have to apply to an SIO ( Specific Issue Order) which essentially could take up to and possibly longer than 6 months in court ! I would have to justify myself employment, house everything there before being granted permission to take myself and kids away from their abusive father. He's a cunning and manipulative so has obviously conditioned both children to " love being with their dad " and they both want to stay in this country. I am being strongly recommended to relocate to another area ASAP by domestic abuse worker, police, solictor and local GP. My head is all over the place at the moment and I'm wondering if there is any Mums on here that have progressed through an SIO and been thankful they did. I cannot foresee any other future with this scumbag other than him trying to use children as weapons Ed objects and desperately want to go back to my native land. Any thoughts or am I being selfish ??? Please be kind I realise I should of left him years ago but this has all came to the foresight since I had a bereavement in April 2020 and things have been progressively getting worse via myself and kids so I'm just trying to weigh things up in my head. Any advise much appreciated. Thanks

Any advise at all for any mums who have successfully gone through the SIO ( specific issue order !)

@Catsandallthingscrazy you’ve posted in childcare (for nannies/childminder/au pair/parent problem issues)
your ex sounds like a right tool, but ask for it to be moved to relationships or legal matters

Thanks, ive no idea how to ask to have it changed to somewhere else ;

I suppose the first thing is that it's not fair to relocate the children to a (to them) strange country. And you are also unlikely to be allowed to do that.
Re the housing- are you now in temporary accommodation? You said you moved on Monday? I would contact your local domestic abuse centre for advice and recommendation for solicitors. Sorry if you mentioned this - it's a long post!

Hi OP,

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

We have also moved this thread to our legal board in the hopes that you'll be able to get more responses on there.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Sorry, I should of mentioned that I am seeking this other because I have ALL my family there and 3 very willing and capable sisters to help with childcare ! The children have both been there many times and speak to my family on telephone often. This country is within the UK , just not on the mainland ( N. Ireland) . I thought it acceptable because the deucati9nnsystem there is far far superior to here in England and my SEN son would greatly benefit from that. Currently I've been granted safe legal passage to attend a family wedding in July and meet anew Nephews baby. I have a massive egxtended family there and they are both hospitable and family orientated. They are my and therefore my children's support network. The price of houses there is more more economical and the house sizes are huge compared to where we are currently living. And yes we are in temporary accommodation via local council awaiting to be housed somewhere "local". to here. I have been notified by local council yhey will NOT house me in same village due to domestic abuse. I also do NOT want to live anywhere near my abuser.