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Original poster

Husband Stopped Paying Financial Order

87 replies

Freakzilla · 02/03/2023 15:09

Hi Guys,

My parents divorced in 1990. My father lives in USA and in October 2021 he stopped paying what he should as part of their financial order. I think he thought as he is in another country it would be hard to enforce. My mum is 80 and has suffered with depression for 20 years. There is no way she would be able to deal with this herself. I contacted him stating if he didn't pay the money outstanding she would get a lawyer to report the breach to court. When I contacted him I put a copy of the consent order in with the letter. Today I received a letter from his solicitor in the UK asking for her details as they are unable to deal with me, and she has broken the confidentiality of their divorce by giving me the paperwork.

Has anyone had this happen? Should I be worried?

Thanks

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 21:55

SeulementUneFois · 08/03/2023 21:46

I am a divorced woman - though foreign - and I always thought that the UK/Anglo system of lifetime maintenance to people of working age was an encouragement for parasites.
This case reinforces my opinion - with an ex spouse who refused to work for 31 years!

Did you, now? Did you always think that?

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 22:01

Seems an odd thing to always think when it hasn’t been the norm for quite some time now…

TheCraicDealer · 08/03/2023 22:03

Fucking hell, there’s a few posters here that are clearly missing the memo that this agreement was made 30 years ago and her DF consented to it at the time. Clearly he is a man of means and I’m sure likely had the best of advice back then as well as now. It was a very different landscape back then, and you’ve no idea what the other terms of that agreement were. Perhaps OP’s DM gave up a claim on her DF’s business, pension or other assets in favour of that spousal maintenance. To call OP’s DM a parasite on the basis of the limited information within her posts says more about you than it does about an 80yo women whose only crime was to get divorced in the early 90’s and agree to terms which were standard at that time. If OP’s DF feels aggrieved or has had a change in circumstances then the way to sort it out is go back to to court, not just stop paying! The fact that he’s swallowed it suggests he knows he’ll get nowhere.

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 22:04

TheCraicDealer · 08/03/2023 22:03

Fucking hell, there’s a few posters here that are clearly missing the memo that this agreement was made 30 years ago and her DF consented to it at the time. Clearly he is a man of means and I’m sure likely had the best of advice back then as well as now. It was a very different landscape back then, and you’ve no idea what the other terms of that agreement were. Perhaps OP’s DM gave up a claim on her DF’s business, pension or other assets in favour of that spousal maintenance. To call OP’s DM a parasite on the basis of the limited information within her posts says more about you than it does about an 80yo women whose only crime was to get divorced in the early 90’s and agree to terms which were standard at that time. If OP’s DF feels aggrieved or has had a change in circumstances then the way to sort it out is go back to to court, not just stop paying! The fact that he’s swallowed it suggests he knows he’ll get nowhere.

This!

SeulementUneFois · 08/03/2023 22:07

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 21:55

Did you, now? Did you always think that?

Show quote history

It is still the case currently in some parts of these isles.
One of the solicitors I saw (I just wanted our amicable agreement brought by them to the court) was pushing for me to get that - this is a couple of years ago.
My ex's solicitor told him he was so lucky that I had no intention of looking for that.

(Sorry I know the above sounds very self aggrandising / self pat on the back.)

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 22:09

SeulementUneFois · 08/03/2023 22:07

It is still the case currently in some parts of these isles.
One of the solicitors I saw (I just wanted our amicable agreement brought by them to the court) was pushing for me to get that - this is a couple of years ago.
My ex's solicitor told him he was so lucky that I had no intention of looking for that.

(Sorry I know the above sounds very self aggrandising / self pat on the back.)

Show quote history

AFAIK, most spousal maintenance orders now are to balance things for a period eg until kids go to uni or for a set number of years.

<shrug>

RandomMess · 08/03/2023 22:14

You have to laugh at his excuse!

Hope your Mum gets better.

Flowers
SeulementUneFois · 08/03/2023 22:16

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 22:09

AFAIK, most spousal maintenance orders now are to balance things for a period eg until kids go to uni or for a set number of years.

<shrug>

Show quote history

Again that must differ by country.
In my case, no kids and earning a similar (high) wage to my ex.

I had to sign several "caveats" with the solicitor I eventually used to confirm that I was going against their advice and agreeing to a disadvantageous settlement by not asking for this.

Ouchthisstings · 08/03/2023 22:21

Freakzilla · 05/03/2023 15:33

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. The only issue I'm unsure about is the bit about she has broken the confidentiality of their divorce by giving me the paperwork.

Have some solidarity OP, the power of the 'but AYE think' is strong.

It's a lawyer trying to earn their money, as a PP said. Everything else is irrelevant. Good luck to you in getting your mum's financial entitlement restored.

Ouchthisstings · 08/03/2023 22:25

My goodness, somehow I missed that this was more than one page. Glad to hear everything was resolved OP and blimey, your irritating 'law student' took a turn!

Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 23:28

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 21:16

I don't think so actually no. A 49 year old woman in 1993 could and should have worked until 2004. Of course, back then, the law was a little too generous to people who didn't want to work (thank god we've moved on).

Show quote history

Again you don't know the facts. She has suffered through ill health for over 20 years. She tried to work and was unable to.

I'm surprised your wife wanted anything from you, just to get rid of you would of been enough reward for most people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 23:30

TheCraicDealer · 08/03/2023 22:03

Fucking hell, there’s a few posters here that are clearly missing the memo that this agreement was made 30 years ago and her DF consented to it at the time. Clearly he is a man of means and I’m sure likely had the best of advice back then as well as now. It was a very different landscape back then, and you’ve no idea what the other terms of that agreement were. Perhaps OP’s DM gave up a claim on her DF’s business, pension or other assets in favour of that spousal maintenance. To call OP’s DM a parasite on the basis of the limited information within her posts says more about you than it does about an 80yo women whose only crime was to get divorced in the early 90’s and agree to terms which were standard at that time. If OP’s DF feels aggrieved or has had a change in circumstances then the way to sort it out is go back to to court, not just stop paying! The fact that he’s swallowed it suggests he knows he’ll get nowhere.

Thank you, I'm pleased it's not just me who can't understand their reasoning.

OP posts:
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