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Original poster

Husband Stopped Paying Financial Order

87 replies

Freakzilla · 02/03/2023 15:09

Hi Guys,

My parents divorced in 1990. My father lives in USA and in October 2021 he stopped paying what he should as part of their financial order. I think he thought as he is in another country it would be hard to enforce. My mum is 80 and has suffered with depression for 20 years. There is no way she would be able to deal with this herself. I contacted him stating if he didn't pay the money outstanding she would get a lawyer to report the breach to court. When I contacted him I put a copy of the consent order in with the letter. Today I received a letter from his solicitor in the UK asking for her details as they are unable to deal with me, and she has broken the confidentiality of their divorce by giving me the paperwork.

Has anyone had this happen? Should I be worried?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Freakzilla · 07/03/2023 17:21

BetterFuture1985 · 06/03/2023 20:24

Start with Waggott. There was another case last year where a wife wanted her husband to actually go back to the Middle East rather than come home to the UK so he could earn more and pay more maintenance. Judge told her to jog on and terminated the maintenance altogether.

Show quote history

This is completely different. We want to enforce a current order, not amend it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freakzilla · 07/03/2023 17:22

Update

Solicitor today confirmed he has agreed to pay all money owed and will continue to make payments. His reasoning is he thought my Mum had died.....

Thanks for everyone who knew what they were talking about for their input. Moral of the story If you have a consent order, don't break it because you don't want to pay it.

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/03/2023 17:23

That's a good update, OP. I'm pleased for your Mum.

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 00:04

Freakzilla · 07/03/2023 17:21

This is completely different. We want to enforce a current order, not amend it.

Show quote history

🙄 You asked me for evidence of the courts growing impatience with people who want to be long term dependent on maintenance didn't you?

I mean, come on, 31 years is pathetic. She can't have even been married to him that long. Hopefully it goes to court and gets discharged because the poor bloke has retired.

Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 00:42

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 00:04

🙄 You asked me for evidence of the courts growing impatience with people who want to be long term dependent on maintenance didn't you?

I mean, come on, 31 years is pathetic. She can't have even been married to him that long. Hopefully it goes to court and gets discharged because the poor bloke has retired.

Show quote history

As per above he has agreed to pay money owed and to make future payment. Because that's why we have a legal system.

Come on be honest you're not really a legal student are you?! You're a keyboard warrior who has multiple times in this thread and others stated wrong information. You clearly have a distain for the legal system. Over and over again you said a consent order shouldn't be adhered to. At least you've added some humour to the thread. Thanks for that 😂 Good luck with your "Legal" career it won't last long.

OP posts:
HamBone · 08/03/2023 02:36

It's been sorted out and that's good, but I have a general question - as he's now 70 and retired, presumably he's on a lower income. Does that affect the payments? The value of his house/houses isn't actual income and a person's pension(s) aren't typically equivalent to their previous salary.

Of course, he has to adhere to the consent order, I'm just curious as to what happens when someone retires.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/03/2023 02:48

Great result.

Personally I would feel dirty still accepting money from my exH who I divorced 20 years ago and who is rich. He cheated as well (I think, he hasn't admitted it). And the thought of DD chasing him? Ick.

Iizzyb · 08/03/2023 06:29

Interesting that a lawyer is pulling you up for a breach when your DF has been in breach of the order (to pay) for 2 years.

I agree with pp's about their approaches but also you could just send future correspondence in DM's name rather than signing as you.

Your other alternative is to get a lawyer to help by sending a letter.

What a lovely man, cutting your dm off financially. He must feel so proud of himself.

Iizzyb · 08/03/2023 06:34

Just seen your update so glad it's sorted op. Well done for looking after dm xx (and again what an utter tool your "d"f is. Your dm is very lucky to have you fighting her corner for her xx

BatshitCrazyWoman · 08/03/2023 06:42

HamBone · 08/03/2023 02:36

It's been sorted out and that's good, but I have a general question - as he's now 70 and retired, presumably he's on a lower income. Does that affect the payments? The value of his house/houses isn't actual income and a person's pension(s) aren't typically equivalent to their previous salary.

Of course, he has to adhere to the consent order, I'm just curious as to what happens when someone retires.

Then he applies to the court for a variation, if his circumstances have changed. Otherwise, do what the court has ordered.

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 07:33

Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 00:42

As per above he has agreed to pay money owed and to make future payment. Because that's why we have a legal system.

Come on be honest you're not really a legal student are you?! You're a keyboard warrior who has multiple times in this thread and others stated wrong information. You clearly have a distain for the legal system. Over and over again you said a consent order shouldn't be adhered to. At least you've added some humour to the thread. Thanks for that 😂 Good luck with your "Legal" career it won't last long.

Show quote history

I never said it shouldn't be paid legally. I said morally I thought it should be discharged by now. Fortunately the days of parasites getting maintenance for 31 years is unheard of now.

And unfortunately you can call me a keyboard warrior as much as you like. Just because solicitors are nice to your face (for money and SRA regulations!) doesn't mean that - as working professionals and often the higher earners in their families - they don't share my disdain for people who sponge off their exes and don't work.

Like my solicitor in my divorce said to me when I expressed concern that I could be paying maintenance for life, "no chance, and there's a word for people like that..."

Well, quite.

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 07:40

titchy · 03/03/2023 12:48

Why on earth is he still paying a financial order 31 years after they divorced? I would want to stop paying by now too to be honest!

Weirdly the law takes precedent over what someone wants. Hmm

Maybe but if I had someone still demanding maintenance 31 years after we divorced, I very much doubt I'd bother working either! I would be doing everything possible to stop the order, including dragging them to court every year to seek a variation and making it as expensive and difficult as possible to receive the maintenance. I'd also look to live somewhere that the order was hard to enforce.

Sounds like all of those things might be true here.

Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 08:48

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 07:33

I never said it shouldn't be paid legally. I said morally I thought it should be discharged by now. Fortunately the days of parasites getting maintenance for 31 years is unheard of now.

And unfortunately you can call me a keyboard warrior as much as you like. Just because solicitors are nice to your face (for money and SRA regulations!) doesn't mean that - as working professionals and often the higher earners in their families - they don't share my disdain for people who sponge off their exes and don't work.

Like my solicitor in my divorce said to me when I expressed concern that I could be paying maintenance for life, "no chance, and there's a word for people like that..."

Well, quite.

Show quote history

Ahhh, this makes sense now. You're bitter over your own divorce...

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 08:55

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 07:40

Maybe but if I had someone still demanding maintenance 31 years after we divorced, I very much doubt I'd bother working either! I would be doing everything possible to stop the order, including dragging them to court every year to seek a variation and making it as expensive and difficult as possible to receive the maintenance. I'd also look to live somewhere that the order was hard to enforce.

Sounds like all of those things might be true here.

Show quote history

As was said upthread, there wasn’t a pension related settlement 30-odd years ago. That is pretty standard these days. If you care to look at it that way, divorced and retired spouses can be supporting the ex for life through this.

OP, I’m glad it is sorted and that he is paying in line with the agreement.

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 10:57

Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 08:48

Ahhh, this makes sense now. You're bitter over your own divorce...

Show quote history

I did alright in mine although I had to waste quite a lot of money on solicitors until my wife accepted she had to get off her lazy bottom and get a job!

We were relatively young and didn't have all that great an asset pot for division and my lazy ex wanted lots of spousal maintenance, which I was adamant she wasn't going to get. In the end, a higher earner can always withdraw their labour in an unfair settlement anyway provided they're clever enough to do it after their case is settled (contrary to popular opinion, the courts can't do very much about it without making the situation even worse), so I had the upper hand. She had a choice of a decent amount of child maintenance, or I was going to become a full time student for three years.

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 11:27

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 10:57

I did alright in mine although I had to waste quite a lot of money on solicitors until my wife accepted she had to get off her lazy bottom and get a job!

We were relatively young and didn't have all that great an asset pot for division and my lazy ex wanted lots of spousal maintenance, which I was adamant she wasn't going to get. In the end, a higher earner can always withdraw their labour in an unfair settlement anyway provided they're clever enough to do it after their case is settled (contrary to popular opinion, the courts can't do very much about it without making the situation even worse), so I had the upper hand. She had a choice of a decent amount of child maintenance, or I was going to become a full time student for three years.

Show quote history

So, quite different from a 49 year old woman in a divorce 30 years ago, then?

Collaborate · 08/03/2023 12:07

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 07:33

I never said it shouldn't be paid legally. I said morally I thought it should be discharged by now. Fortunately the days of parasites getting maintenance for 31 years is unheard of now.

And unfortunately you can call me a keyboard warrior as much as you like. Just because solicitors are nice to your face (for money and SRA regulations!) doesn't mean that - as working professionals and often the higher earners in their families - they don't share my disdain for people who sponge off their exes and don't work.

Like my solicitor in my divorce said to me when I expressed concern that I could be paying maintenance for life, "no chance, and there's a word for people like that..."

Well, quite.

Show quote history

Clearly you have much to learn about tempering your language. Perhaps you are unsuited to a career as a solicitor. Certainly you wouldn't last 5 minutes as a family lawyer.

I have never felt the need to judge others when giving legal advice. To do so would make me a bad lawyer.

Wooooow · 08/03/2023 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 13:54

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 10:57

I did alright in mine although I had to waste quite a lot of money on solicitors until my wife accepted she had to get off her lazy bottom and get a job!

We were relatively young and didn't have all that great an asset pot for division and my lazy ex wanted lots of spousal maintenance, which I was adamant she wasn't going to get. In the end, a higher earner can always withdraw their labour in an unfair settlement anyway provided they're clever enough to do it after their case is settled (contrary to popular opinion, the courts can't do very much about it without making the situation even worse), so I had the upper hand. She had a choice of a decent amount of child maintenance, or I was going to become a full time student for three years.

Show quote history

You also seem to have an issue with women as a whole. Referring to them as lazy, etc...

OP posts:
Igmum · 08/03/2023 15:25

So glad it's settled OP and hope your mum's mental health improves. Please ignore the angry vindictive rants (longs for women-only threads)

Original poster
Freakzilla · 08/03/2023 16:07

Igmum · 08/03/2023 15:25

So glad it's settled OP and hope your mum's mental health improves. Please ignore the angry vindictive rants (longs for women-only threads)

Thank You

OP posts:
purpleboy · 08/03/2023 18:15

Could of told you from his firs post that better was going to turn out to be a man.
They just can't help but give themselves away.

Glad you got it sorted for your mum op.

BetterFuture1985 · 08/03/2023 21:16

SheilaFentiman · 08/03/2023 11:27

So, quite different from a 49 year old woman in a divorce 30 years ago, then?

Show quote history

I don't think so actually no. A 49 year old woman in 1993 could and should have worked until 2004. Of course, back then, the law was a little too generous to people who didn't want to work (thank god we've moved on).

CwmYoy · 08/03/2023 21:38

I cannot imagine why a wife would divorce such a warm human being.

Lucky escape.

Bitter men are toxic.

SeulementUneFois · 08/03/2023 21:46

I am a divorced woman - though foreign - and I always thought that the UK/Anglo system of lifetime maintenance to people of working age was an encouragement for parasites.
This case reinforces my opinion - with an ex spouse who refused to work for 31 years!