Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Self Representation at Family Court

61 replies

ljhals · 29/01/2023 12:24

Hello all. My first thread here so bear with me!
I currently have a PSO in place. Solicitor costs are spiraling as my ex is being awkward. I don't qualify for legal aid. Thinking about representing myself in court, but I am honestly petrified to the point my anxiety has been triggered.
Does anyone have any experience in this, or have any advice?
TIA.

OP posts:
Aldibag · 29/01/2023 13:04

Make a timeline. Stop stressing. Facts are key. Evidence to back up your argument is key. Don’t expect safety or justice from a court. Try to get your ex to see sense through any means possible before you get to court. Save as much energy as possible for parenting.

itsgettingweird · 29/01/2023 13:53

Bullet point all facts.

Keep all evidence.

Make sure all correspondence is in writing.

Present facts only - refuse to get emotionally involved and don't let your emotions drive what you say.

A judge can only make a judgement on the facts presented - the facts don't change dependent on who presents them.

Original poster
ljhals · 29/01/2023 15:03

What sort of things would I keep as evidence?

It's so hard not to let the emotions drive it. I get anxiety so am terrified I'm going to become so anxious I'm going to cock it up!

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 29/01/2023 15:06

I will try thise things, thank you.

Impossible to sort with ex. It's been 7 years of controlling and coercive behaviour since we split. Feel a bit fearful of him. Gotten to a point where there are now safety issues with the kids being in his care. Am terrified he is going to twist things up so much the judge will go in his favour, or if he does have a solicitor and I don't that they'll wipe the floor with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 29/01/2023 15:06

Aldibag · 29/01/2023 13:04

Make a timeline. Stop stressing. Facts are key. Evidence to back up your argument is key. Don’t expect safety or justice from a court. Try to get your ex to see sense through any means possible before you get to court. Save as much energy as possible for parenting.

I will try thise things, thank you.

Impossible to sort with ex. It's been 7 years of controlling and coercive behaviour since we split. Feel a bit fearful of him. Gotten to a point where there are now safety issues with the kids being in his care. Am terrified he is going to twist things up so much the judge will go in his favour, or if he does have a solicitor and I don't that they'll wipe the floor with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 29/01/2023 15:07

itsgettingweird · 29/01/2023 13:53

Bullet point all facts.

Keep all evidence.

Make sure all correspondence is in writing.

Present facts only - refuse to get emotionally involved and don't let your emotions drive what you say.

A judge can only make a judgement on the facts presented - the facts don't change dependent on who presents them.

What sort of things would I keep as evidence?

It's so hard not to let the emotions drive it. I get anxiety so am terrified I'm going to become so anxious I'm going to cock it up!

OP posts:
Aldibag · 29/01/2023 20:44

Evidence includes a written statement from you and a timeline.

date, time: this happened (see letter 5)
dare, time; this next thing happened (see photo 1)

Evidence might include a print out of texts or emails, with their number written on the top.

It might include your bank account showing no payments from him. It might include letters from third parties - he was late, he did this crazy thing that I witnessed.

it might include doctors letter: she’s reported x to me or y, or a school letter: the kids are late / tired / dirty / whatever

it could include photos of injuries. Or recordings of rants.

all sorts of things depending on what you are trying to argue.

If you are in a contentious situation with a person who is very difficult, he may not tell the truth. Anything you think he will lie about, try to have evidence of the truth.

however, with the best will in the world, most of the time the judge cuts the cake for contact down the middle. So do your best but don’t expect safety or justice to come from a court.

don’t wear yourself out. Keep to the facts.

oviraptor21 · 29/01/2023 20:48

www.advicenow.org.uk/ has lots of information about self representing through various court processes.

Or www.supportthroughcourt.org/ might be able to help.

LemonTT · 30/01/2023 00:27

You should also define and refine the contention, that is the reason why you think the order is needed or still needed. What is the risk if it is not in place. Then list the evidence as stated above to support this argument.

you can add some context at the start but don’t go on for ever. State that suffer from anxiety. It will give the judge some insight. State that how you feel following interactions with your ex. Try to back it up with evidence.

TizerorFizz · 30/01/2023 01:02

@ljhals
This has been going on too long. If DC are involved, it’s all about them. Have you attempted mediation?

In your circumstances, I would not represent yourself. It needs to get sorted. Frankly a barrister would be money well spent as they are used to dealing with difficult people like your ex. Judges don’t give 50/50 all the time either. The needs of Dc outweigh parental demands. Especially as DC get older. I think your solicitor needs to try and get a resolution to this by getting you representation. You won’t know this job like a barrister does. Younger ones are not that expensive!

Whiskeypowers · 30/01/2023 09:33

I was going to suggest a direct access barrister. Your ex sounds difficult and you could instruct directly yourself for hearing which would include a conference, prep and possibly refresher as well a hearing itself. Direct access barristers don’t need instruction from a solicitor

courts do not always give 50/50 especially if you are raising safeguarding concerns all manner of things could be looked at. At the least CAFCASS will be asked to make initial safeguarding enquires which will be presented to court at the outset

How old are the children?
what safety concerns do you have ?

Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:04

Whiskeypowers · 30/01/2023 09:33

I was going to suggest a direct access barrister. Your ex sounds difficult and you could instruct directly yourself for hearing which would include a conference, prep and possibly refresher as well a hearing itself. Direct access barristers don’t need instruction from a solicitor

courts do not always give 50/50 especially if you are raising safeguarding concerns all manner of things could be looked at. At the least CAFCASS will be asked to make initial safeguarding enquires which will be presented to court at the outset

How old are the children?
what safety concerns do you have ?

I'm a bit confused between solicitor and barrister - what does a barrister do that a solicitor doesn't? Would they literally just help me in court? Would I have to do everything else myself? I'm sure I'd have to brief the barrister; Would this cost me?

Yes CAFCASS have done my interview and doing Dad's today. Will have their report in a few days to see what they recommend to the courts.

He failed to collect my daughter from a social club. Cut a long story short, the lady that runs the club tried to take her home and found her dad in bed unrousable, with my son in an unlocked house that opens onto the street. As she tried to find a key to lock the house, she found what appears to be cocaine residue, bags with white powder residue in them and rolled up bits of paper. We have been having issues on and off for years so that was sort of the last straw and I shot round there to take them out of his care. He has had issues with cocaine use in the past where I had to remove the children from his care but we were going through an amicable stage then. He has ramped up the abuse since I found a new partner 2.5 years ago and had a baby. Even with solicitor involvement he is impossible and has now said he is blocking my solicitor! We have a community resolution order in place from the police to state he cannot send anymore abusive messages else he will be arrested.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:07

Aldibag · 29/01/2023 20:44

Evidence includes a written statement from you and a timeline.

date, time: this happened (see letter 5)
dare, time; this next thing happened (see photo 1)

Evidence might include a print out of texts or emails, with their number written on the top.

It might include your bank account showing no payments from him. It might include letters from third parties - he was late, he did this crazy thing that I witnessed.

it might include doctors letter: she’s reported x to me or y, or a school letter: the kids are late / tired / dirty / whatever

it could include photos of injuries. Or recordings of rants.

all sorts of things depending on what you are trying to argue.

If you are in a contentious situation with a person who is very difficult, he may not tell the truth. Anything you think he will lie about, try to have evidence of the truth.

however, with the best will in the world, most of the time the judge cuts the cake for contact down the middle. So do your best but don’t expect safety or justice to come from a court.

don’t wear yourself out. Keep to the facts.

This is great, thank you!

Well, he has been twisting things round and saying white is black, but I do have proof some of it is total nonsense. But the weird thing is, he completely believes his own narrative even when presented with proof.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:08

oviraptor21 · 29/01/2023 20:48

www.advicenow.org.uk/ has lots of information about self representing through various court processes.

Or www.supportthroughcourt.org/ might be able to help.

Thanks for this 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:10

TizerorFizz · 30/01/2023 01:02

@ljhals
This has been going on too long. If DC are involved, it’s all about them. Have you attempted mediation?

In your circumstances, I would not represent yourself. It needs to get sorted. Frankly a barrister would be money well spent as they are used to dealing with difficult people like your ex. Judges don’t give 50/50 all the time either. The needs of Dc outweigh parental demands. Especially as DC get older. I think your solicitor needs to try and get a resolution to this by getting you representation. You won’t know this job like a barrister does. Younger ones are not that expensive!

Yes, attempted mediation. He said he couldn't afford it, I said I would pay. He still didn't despite the office trying to get in touch with him. The police even advised him to take it up but he still wouldn't.

I will look into a barrister and see what the story is. Why are they much cheaper than solicitors?

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:11

LemonTT · 30/01/2023 00:27

You should also define and refine the contention, that is the reason why you think the order is needed or still needed. What is the risk if it is not in place. Then list the evidence as stated above to support this argument.

you can add some context at the start but don’t go on for ever. State that suffer from anxiety. It will give the judge some insight. State that how you feel following interactions with your ex. Try to back it up with evidence.

Smashing, thank you!

OP posts:
Aldibag · 30/01/2023 12:15

He’s weird. You knew he was weird in some aspects, which is why you rejected him as a partner. He will be capable of a lot of peculiar things - and I’m sorry that’s the case. It must be exhausting.

Barrister speaks in front of a judge ; solicitor is usually the desk-based person who deals with paperwork and tells barrister what the issues are.

SummerInSun · 30/01/2023 12:20

You will want a written statement from the lady who took your DC home from the club and saw all of this. And if she'd turn up in court for you, even better. Or encourage her to report it formally to social services too.

Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:24

Aldibag · 30/01/2023 12:15

He’s weird. You knew he was weird in some aspects, which is why you rejected him as a partner. He will be capable of a lot of peculiar things - and I’m sorry that’s the case. It must be exhausting.

Barrister speaks in front of a judge ; solicitor is usually the desk-based person who deals with paperwork and tells barrister what the issues are.

Yes, definitely. It is a really difficult situation and even though the PSO is in place and the ball is in my court, he continues to try and control it all still.

I'm so confused. But my solicitor was with me at the first hearing, not a barrister? So would I have to do all paperwork myself then just brief the barrister before the hearing, if just using a barrister?

OP posts:
Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 12:32

SummerInSun · 30/01/2023 12:20

You will want a written statement from the lady who took your DC home from the club and saw all of this. And if she'd turn up in court for you, even better. Or encourage her to report it formally to social services too.

Yes, I wondered if I could use something like this in court. I'm pretty sure she would write a letter to help.

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 30/01/2023 15:38

Absolutely- independent first hand witness evidence is the best evidence (not a family law solicitor but it's true of all litigation). If you had a solicitor or barrister they would probably put together a formal witness statement, but if you are self represented having her write a letter and sign it, including saying she is happy for you to use it in court and to come to court if needed, should hopefully be ok.

Original poster
ljhals · 30/01/2023 17:04

SummerInSun · 30/01/2023 15:38

Absolutely- independent first hand witness evidence is the best evidence (not a family law solicitor but it's true of all litigation). If you had a solicitor or barrister they would probably put together a formal witness statement, but if you are self represented having her write a letter and sign it, including saying she is happy for you to use it in court and to come to court if needed, should hopefully be ok.

So is that what I'm obtaining from the witness - a formal witness statement?

OP posts:
JustAnotherLawyer2 · 30/01/2023 17:22

Even if the OP is self representing, any witness statement has to be a) ordered by the court, b) be in the formal layout and contain a statement of truth and c) the witness has to be available to attend a hearing to be cross examined.

OP would be best advised to use a solicitor - money well spent if she has a good one. If she can only choose either a barrister or solicitor, she is better off choosing a solicitor who can prep the case thoroughly for her, meaning representing herself will be easier. Rather than prepping the case herself and then having the responsibility to instruct the barrister adequately - which most lay people simply don't do well.

JustAnotherLawyer2 · 30/01/2023 17:24

Just to add - solicitors also represent clients in court as a matter of course (depends on the solicitor whether they wish to do so or instruct counsel).

TizerorFizz · 30/01/2023 17:38

It really depends on whether you want a GP (a solicitor) or a Consultant (a barrister) dealing with such important matters in a court. Barristers are far better placed to advise what the judge will expect and present the case for you because they do this all the time. Fewer solicitors do. Most solicitors work with barristers to ensure smooth running of the case. That’s for your benefit. Some solicitors will charge a lot for a court appearance too. A younger barrister can be cheaper.