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Original poster

One parent becoming homeless, can the other get full custody?

52 replies

LionsandLambs · 02/01/2023 11:46

My brother is being evicted from his rental property as his landlord is selling. He has joint custody of his daughter but a low income despite working full time. He is struggling to find anything affordable to rent and being turned down because of income. His ex wife is now settled with her new partner and financially stable. All council properties here have long waiting lists and he would likely have to go into a homeless hostel for more than a year before being allocated something. In that time will he be able to have his daughter with him? His ex wife is very worried about her daughter living in a hostel part time. Will she be able to insist the child lives with her full time? He is a good dad and they are amicable but he is obviously very worried about losing custody. There is also an argument that he will be higher priority with a child.

OP posts:
LeroyJenkinssss · 02/01/2023 11:50

Would you want your niece to go stay part of the week in a homeless shelter? Surely you can see why the mom is wanting to keep her daughter home and safe? I would think it would be pretty hard to justify that but he should find a way (somewhere else) to have visits - could he stay at yours when he should be having his daughter?

cansu · 02/01/2023 11:52

That sounds awful for him but surely he won't want to have her in a hostel? Could you offer to host his dd at yours so he can have contact there?

Fuwari · 02/01/2023 11:56

Councils don't generally allocate on the basis of shared custody. The child has somewhere to live already, may not feel fair but that is how they will look at it. And you certainly don't want a child in the sort of hostel a single man is likely to get placed in, if he was at all.

I'm sorry but the child's needs have to come before your brothers. He can still see his daughter but she needs stability so until he can do something about his situation then the sensible thing is for her to live at mums.

NerrSnerr · 02/01/2023 11:56

I wouldn't want my child staying in a homeless hostel.

Is there a family member's house they could go to for visits?

Is there any way of increasing his income? What sector is he in? Could he find some extra work on top?

tinseltoes1982 · 02/01/2023 11:57

Surely it's not in the best interest of the child to be in a homeless hostel? If he has a good relationship with ex, surely temporarily the child can live with her full time and he can come and pick her up and take her out.

What an awful situation for your brother, but I think the child needs to reside in the most stable place here.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/01/2023 11:58

When BIL didn't have suitable accommodation he spent alternative weekends at PILs house where DN could stay with him (he had the sofa, she had the spare bedroom) then took her out one evening mid week. PILs lived an hour away so it couldn't be used midweek.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/01/2023 11:59

He should be able to arrange visits at a contact centre, or just days out, for the time being. No, the child should not go into a hostel for the homeless. Many ban children under 18 on the premises anyway

Janedoe82 · 02/01/2023 12:00

There are family hostels which are individual flats in a bigger building.

baublesandbreakdowns · 02/01/2023 12:01

The child shouldn't and probably couldn't see her dad at a hostel. It wouldn't be appropriate for her and possibly against rules.

Could he take her to a family member's house for the weekend or even for day visits?

Janedoe82 · 02/01/2023 12:02

So much misinformation about homeless accommodation- there is a vast difference between a family hostel and a wet hostel for single men.

NothingHoldingMeBack · 02/01/2023 12:04

I couldn't imagine subjecting a child to staying in a hostel. The best thing would be for mum to temporarily have full residence with dad having contact where possible up to the 50/50 but by having day contact at relatives houses, days out, or if amicable enough with mum at her house, although this isn't her responsibility.
It's sh*t op, but you have to think of the child's best interests, they need stability and safety.

NerrSnerr · 02/01/2023 12:05

Janedoe82 · 02/01/2023 12:02

So much misinformation about homeless accommodation- there is a vast difference between a family hostel and a wet hostel for single men.

Are the council going to allocate a family hostel for someone whose child has a stable home elsewhere? I would have through there was a high need for families with children who have no other option.

baublesandbreakdowns · 02/01/2023 12:05

Janedoe82 · 02/01/2023 12:02

So much misinformation about homeless accommodation- there is a vast difference between a family hostel and a wet hostel for single men.

He's unlikely to get a family hostel if he's not the resident parent though.

I'm not misinformed btw, my post is based on working in many types of accommodation and I have never known children being allowed to visit unless family accommodation which I don't think he'll get.

Aixellency · 02/01/2023 12:05

God, what a mess.

(Won’t waste your time with state of the nation rant.)

What sort of work does he do? Because ideally he needs a job that enables his parenting role - maybe something that comes with accommodation. Caretaker for a block of flats or groundsman / maintenance of rural property.

Those are unskilled positions. Alternatively, could he consider retraining? I know that’s not easy or immediate, but wouldn’t a change of occupation be the most positive move - or at least an active plan while he waits for council accommodation.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 02/01/2023 12:13

Your poor brother.

Has he spoken to CAB or dine a calculator to see if he would be eligible for a UC top-up in income , given his parenting responsibilities? Is the 50/50 court ordered?

I think it would be worth a call to Shelter, too, to talk about his position wrt getting accommodation that enables him to parent.

Gemmanorthdevon · 02/01/2023 12:14

Having lived in one, I can tell you no parent would have children there out of choice, and there's no hostel that would give out precious family accommodation based on a joint custody arrangement. His child has somewhere to live. Your brother needs to think with his head at this time, and not with his heart I'm afraid.

He won't " lose" the arrangement due to a temporary situation going on with accommodation, that means he can't have her overnight for a period of time, however questions may be asked if he starts opposing decisions made by his ex that are based on limiting DC exposure to his situation, that could cause worry or upset 🤷🏼‍♀️

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 02/01/2023 12:15

Does he get a share of the CB, and is that included in income?

Yes, the child needs suitable stable accommodation, but I can’t imagine advising a Mum to simply defer residency to the other parent if she was being evicted!

Hoardasurass · 02/01/2023 12:29

Joint custody could mean anything from 90%him 10% mum to 10%him and 90%mum so his situation is dependent on what he has. If he has less than 50% custody he will not be given a family hostel place but 1 for single men only. By its nature a hostel for single men is NOT somewhere that a little girl should ever be! You brother either needs to find somewhere suitable for his daughter to stay or accept that until he does he won't be able to have overnight access or have her visiting the hostel.
I know that this is a shit situation however his daughters safety and wellbeing must come first and if he can't accept that then ultimately he is at risk of losing all custody and unsupervised access not because of the situation but because he would be refusing to safeguard his daughter.

gogohmm · 02/01/2023 12:32

He needs to keep on looking for a private rental even if it's shared accommodation, the council don't have spare properties to allocate, but they might be able to help with deposits and guarantor schemes. Can't he arrange to see his dd elsewhere, his parents perhaps?

Original poster
LionsandLambs · 02/01/2023 12:34

Thanks for replies.

Yes, it would be a family hostel not a single man’s one. But obviously if he relinquished custody he’d have to go into a single persons one and then my niece of course could spend time with him at ours. They can’t move in with us as we don’t live near to them.

He has his daughter 60% of the time on average because her mum has a difficult job and her partner has older children with special needs. She doesn’t pay much child maintenance as her income isn’t different to his (her partner earns a lot more but self employed). Brother has a reasonably skilled job but it doesn’t pay enough to afford much where we live and he’s restricted to how far they move out because of the joint childcare, school etc. He is looking into night classes but it’ll take time. He gets tax credits.

OP posts:
iammarleysmummy · 02/01/2023 12:37

If he's a good dad and they're amicable and the children love him then the mother will simply accommodate him, they won't have been to court because good and amicable parents don't end up there. This is for him to sort with his ex wife. You would think she would be helping him also as the father of her children. She'd be inviting him round to spend time with the daughter there, but I wouldn't let my daughter go to a homeless shelter necessarily either. I'd at least check it out.

If the above isn't the case then sorry but one or more is not a good parent and it certainly isn't amicable.

BeckettandCastle · 02/01/2023 12:41

Can he look into renting a 1 bed flat and letting his DD have the bedroom & he have a sofa bed in the lounge. Should be much cheaper than a 2 bed & will solve the immediate issue. Then he can look to a 2 bed when his income has increased. I wish your DB lots of luck.

Original poster
LionsandLambs · 02/01/2023 12:43

I’d be his guarantor, although he has good credit history. But even one bed flats round here are now a few hundred more than he was paying for their house and he was struggling with the general cost of living. The landlords have their pick of applicants here and are opting for renters with higher incomes. He just keeps getting knocked back. There are park homes but all for over 55s.

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 02/01/2023 12:43

Thanks for the update. If he has primary residence then that is how it should remain with them in a family hostel especially since it doesn't seem that the mum is set up to take over custody due to her other caring commitments.
Hopefully your db and his dd will be given a scatter flat until they are permanently rehoused but if not just tell him to bring a few important items that will help it feel more homely and put the rest in storage.