Financial order with impossible controlling ex

[Mydogatemypurse]

Ive got my decri nisi, and immediately filed for a financial order at court. Mediation wasnt an option due to past violence.
I have a solictor and have already racked up 7k in bills.
Hes refusing to respond, courts been ajourbed twice as he didnt submit requested info 'in error'. He was apparently fine to do this and its been ajourned again. So basically not even at 1st hearing and I believe legally he's allowed 3. The solictors fees are pushing me into poverty, the stress is impacting on my job and health. Is there any way he can be held accountable for the timewasting and deliberate racking up of costs and the matter rounded up. Has anyone else been through this... what was your time scale? Solictor recons a max of 2 years. At the start it was 'a few months'

It is hard to stop this happening and ify ou did it yourself with your solicitor you would probably do worse. If you earn less than he does you may be entitled to maintenance pending suit or periodic payments now or whatever they are called which could be money from him to help pay your legal fees. Also do consider carefully how much money you and he are fighting over and how mukch it will cost in legal fees to fight for that and if it is proportionate. it probably is but may not be .

Mx 2 years seems about right. In our case I had to pay both side's lawyers all the way through month by month as earned more than hsuband, we had no hearings nor disclosure as we knew everything and everything was joint so it took us 7 months from start to finish

Im going to ask my solictor about what you suggested. We are living in poverty whilst he breezes along. Holidays, new car and threats ill run out of money first.
Ive tried to speak to him about the point you raised re fees vs equity but its becoming very clear this is about winning and destroying me rather than anything he will gain. I want the house me and the kids live in.

Most solicitors will tell you maintenance pending suit is as rare as hen's teeth. The problem is that in this grey period between separation and divorce there is even less money to go around than there will be in the long term. That's exacerbated if there is a DV claim and an occupation order because obviously it means living under the same roof is not an option, further stretching finances (conversely, where there is not DV it normally makes more sense to stay under the same roof to motivate one another to get on with it as quickly as possible!)

So, the problem will be that even if a need is proven, there might not be the available income to pay it. Also, someone abusive is unlikely to pay it on time - if at all - anyway so at best you're looking at further court action and a period of cash flow crisis between needing the money and finally receiving it.

I'd also be wary of the risk that he's deliberately trying to bankrupt himself if he has a new car and is going on lots of nice holidays. He might welcome the legal fees to do exactly that.

www.armstrongfamilylaw.co.uk/news/legal-unicorns-myth-and-reality/

I'd read this first.

Sorry, just noticed you were trying to "get the house." That's a whole other area of murk and dependent on a lot of factors. If you're holding out for an order where you can still use your ex's capital or mortgage capacity (a Mesher Order) you should be aware these are also very rare now not just because they prevent the court's first duty to try and achieve a clean break but also because a lot of judges don't think it's in the interests of the person who lives in the house.

Obviously, that's dependent on a number of factors and it might be appropriate in your case. However, my ex-wife tried to pin a 12 year long Mesher Order on me which would have left me unable to ever afford to buy my own place even when I got my share of the equity. She earned a lot less than me but her own solicitor told her she didn't stand a chance. The reason was because there were other options and Mesher Orders these days are an absolute last resort. Also, it should go without saying that if this guy is abusive, you really don't want to be sharing finances with him years into the future.

Alternatively, if you're trying to get all of the equity in the house, that's again quite unrealistic unless there are other assets. Again, I don't know enough about your income, his income etc but as a rule of thumb it'll probably work something like this:

1. Find the smallest, cheapest suitable property within your children's school catchment area (or roughly in proximity to your current town if they are not school age yet). By suitable, that means enough bedrooms for children of different genders to have their own rooms and children of the same gender only sharing with one other child. That's your housing "need."

2. Determine how many hours you can work and how much you can earn both now and in the future. By the time your youngest is 11, that will be full time. That's your earning capacity.

3. Calculate how much your mortgage capacity will be when you can work full time.

4. Deduct your mortgage capacity from your housing need. That's the equity you will probably get if you are the resident parent. The rest might be provided as a deferred charge that you pay back when the children reach 11.

A solicitor will be able to give you more guidance.

I have a solicitor. I live in the property I owned outright b4 i met him. Now has 150k mortgage on it but worth double.
Hes moved out.
I live here and pay for everything plus all the "family debt" he walked out on and cancelled dds.
I earn half what he does and im the sole carer. No child access for him due to violence.
I want my home but i cant stay in it cos despite my paying the mortgage alone for 4 years my credit is screwed cos of debt and ccjs.
I want him to cash in one of his pensions to give me the money to pay off the mortgage and let children and me remain here. Im not asking for anything else... not even asked for the family car he took (now traded in) or for a contribution with the debt.
Fyi one of his pensions, the larger one is pretty valuable and from the Navy and so im entitled to a lot of it. I dont want it. Just enough to pay the house.
He told the court he needs the house for his housing needs and when asked what he thought me and the kids realistically need he said zero.

That's an extremely complicated case and what you want (liquidating a DB pension) is not something a financial advisor would ever recommend. I actually think you need a solicitor with the right experience to pick through this.

I won't dwell on the law because I can't. I would like to give you some advice on the finance though because I'm a bit more qualified on pensions and might be more helpful than a solicitor.

The way a pension works is that you invest in it over time and slowly the investments will gain value. For a DC scheme it's quite simple after that, what you save is what you get and what it's worth is what you can take out, less some heavy tax penalties. DB schemes like the navy one are more complicated because regardless of how the investments do, you are guaranteed the income you were promised. However, if you try and access the money early the scheme provider has to find the cash early and this cash has not been invested for as long as it needs to be. Say your ex gets his pension at 60 but he's only 40 and takes the money out now. That's 20 years less time for investments to grow and the scheme provider will penalise him heavily for early withdrawal. The money now is present value or PV and in the future is future value or FV.

Let me use numbers to demonstrate. If he gets a pension of £10k at 60 and interest rates are 1% the scheme administrator will typically need about £180k to pay this. This will be enough to pay out for 20 years using the capital and interest and some scheme members will live longer and some shorter to balance things out. So you might think that's worth £180k now. It's not though, it's worth about £60k today because it's expected to generate returns on average of about 5-6% over the next 20 years when he reaches the pension age.

Next, there is tax to pay. I think it's around 55% to withdraw pension early. So then you're down to £27k if you cash out early.

As I said, it's a really bad idea financially to cash in a DB pension. It's not a great idea to cash in a DC pension either.

Thank you so much for the detailed response. Its actually really really helpful thank you. God i just want it all to be over.

I'm not a financial advisor but I do work in finance (I have to say that!) and I would be happy to help you figure out what your best options are. I'd like to think you have a better option than the pension one because it would serve you much better to have one of his pensions for your retirement when it will be worth a lot more. Maybe you could find a way to reduce the mortgage but have a future tax free pension lump sum (when you are over 57) as part of the plan to pay off the mortgage.

7k for decree nesi is a lot of money. There are a lot of things you can do by yourself. You could try to do most by yourself in the future and use the solicitor when you have doubts. Decree nesi and decree absolut there is not much to. The valuation of the pensions is very expensive.

That would be fabulous thank you x

Oh no the divorce was dead cheap i did that myself. Sorry i didn't make it clear it the financial order thats already racked up 7k in fees. Its killing me.

Feel free to PM me.

On the £7k I was thinking about this tactically. Why are you in such a rush? You're in the house right? His pensions aren't going anywhere, they're just accruing value.

Surely he's the one who should be in a rush? Perhaps it is because he knows you like certainty and that is your weakness that he is using to carry on controlling you?

I say chill out and tell your solicitor to stop what they're doing until further notice to stop racking up fees. The longer this takes the more it will work against him because his pensions are growing. How old are the children by the way?

Thats actually a really interesting point. The rush on my part is the finances. Ive lived woth such financial strain and insecurity for a year and im at my wits end. Im also very unwell but cant afford to be. As i cant pay the mortgage and solicitors on benefits.
My kids are 13 and 9

Thank you all for taking the time to respond and being so kind x

Understand. That is very expensive. Everyone takes a bite I am afraid. Solicitors, financial advisors, etc.

Did you claim child maintenance? You don't have to wait till then divorce ends.

13? Nice, draw it out for 2 years then. Worst case then you can get a Mesher Order whilst they finish GCSE and A-Level. Your youngest too, as they will start as older one finishes.

As others have said, get the CM sorted for the time being. I don't think you'll get maintenance pending suit or a legal costs order (at least, not enough to justify the legal cost of trying to get one) unless he is very rich but hopefully CM plus perhaps some incapacity benefit could keep you going? Plus perhaps consider getting a mortgage holiday or interest only temporarily?

@Mydogatemypurse Sorry, when I said above a Mesher might become possible I was being a bit flippant and it might not be in your interests to have one anyway. But it will scare your ex into action if he thinks his mortgage capacity is going to be tied up for 9 years.

I claim child maintenance thru cms

I live in the property I owned outright b4 i met him. Now has 150k mortgage on it but worth double.

^^ op I'm confused by this??

During our marriage we raised and remortgaged 3 times on the property due to his debts/gambling.

150k mortgage...like equity release to pay his debt off. House worth 300k.

@Mydogatemypurse Bloody hell, gambling on that scale? That changes everything. You might even have one of those super rare cases where "conduct if it would be unjust to disregard it" comes into play. What does your solicitor say?

Shes not saying a lot right now cos shes constantly fighting for him to respond to anything. Then when he still doesnt we have to pay to get the court to order him to respond then he misses things out in 'error' or doesnt so it gets ajourned again.