Financial order with impossible controlling ex

[Mydogatemypurse]

Ive got my decri nisi, and immediately filed for a financial order at court. Mediation wasnt an option due to past violence.
I have a solictor and have already racked up 7k in bills.
Hes refusing to respond, courts been ajourbed twice as he didnt submit requested info 'in error'. He was apparently fine to do this and its been ajourned again. So basically not even at 1st hearing and I believe legally he's allowed 3. The solictors fees are pushing me into poverty, the stress is impacting on my job and health. Is there any way he can be held accountable for the timewasting and deliberate racking up of costs and the matter rounded up. Has anyone else been through this... what was your time scale? Solictor recons a max of 2 years. At the start it was 'a few months'

Okay well my limited understanding of divorce law is that extreme gambling normally comes out of the share of the assets of the gambler. In other words, it may be possible to argue he's due nothing from the equity because he burned his half paying off debts. What I don't know is whether because you did that and then carried on with him after remortgaging whether courts will look back far enough though, question for a solicitor.

I think it should, plus the debts he left and cancelled thr dd for. Ive killed myself for years to keep up with them. Whilst he just walked away.

I can certainly see why this case could take a while. Gambling debts, violence, DB pension, difficulties meeting housing needs. If you don't mind me asking, do you feel your solicitor is experienced to deal with something this complex?

Id hoped so i did a lot of research. 30 years family law solicitor. Senior lecturer at uk University and a University abroad. Senior solicitor in firm?

Sounds fairly decent! I guess I'm just a bit surprised that you were still considering cashing out a DB pension to cover the mortgage. I know from my own field that cashing in a DB pension goes so against the interests of the beneficiary that it's virtually banned (you cannot in good faith claim to be giving good financial advice if you tell someone to do this) so I did some research and you can't do that with an unfunded public sector pension (e.g. the Navy pension). I would have thought she would have steered you away from that idea and put forward better solutions.

That said, from what you say it sounds like your ex has nothing else and there's a lot of complexity around the home because of past gambling debt too. So I guess maybe it's a bad choice but also the only choice. Also, it sounds like he's someone you don't really want to be keeping any financial ties with which is another complexity.

I dont know how to pm you sorry. Im on the app does that matter? X

No idea I'm afraid but maybe being on the app is the issue. I think to be honest although you don't want to give your solicitor more money this is a question I would think they'd be asking already. First port of call would be to check through the paperwork and see if you can see anything about conduct, "marital waste" or spending "community money."

We used to have some fun as forensic accountants working out where money had gone. Gamblers didn't tend to be very sophisticated about it though. They normally just withdrew small amounts of cash regularly or had a second credit card that could easily be found in a credit check.

If you're on benefits dies that mean that you can't afford the mortgage and to run the house? If so , you'd be best off selling and renting, at least then you'd get help with rental costs when the money runs out. Or can you work, take over the mortgage payments? In which case, with a £75,000 minimum deposit you could probably afford to buy a new house? I know gut reaction is to want to hang on to the family home but have you really considered all options? It really is very unlikely a court would order a dc pension to be cashed in, but you certainly could waive your portion of it for more equity in the fmh for eg.

Don't forget the amount of UC starts to decline if you have over £6k and goes to zero if you have £16k in the bank. So unfortunately not a great option for those on benefits (and something I think needs to change especially for single parents in the OP's situation).

I cant get a mortgage due to the debt and ccjs i was left with. Not enough equity to buy outright where we live. I looked into renting but i won't get help with rent due to working and having too much from sale of house. Not entitled to social housing for the same reason.

His statements showed very regular £250 (withdrawel limits) for cash and my solictor put it down to gambling. He also has very large cc payments every month but refused to provide statement for credit card. He had large standing orders to Ladbrookes and i asked for his account statements for this and he refused.

Ill ask for a credit check

In an ideal world he should have to take out a £150k mortgage to pay you back. Sadly the law doesn't work this way.

Do you know, I think I'm starting to realise why the pension liquidation might be the right one. You won't be able to do that to a public sector DB scheme but any other pension he has is fair game.

How long do you think it's likely your credit score will remain low? Could a Mesher Order be used just until it's better (a Mesher where he gets like 0.1% because of his conduct would be ideal...)

Im in a 25 year debt management plan. I have 2 6 year CCJs. X

25 years? Good grief, I had no idea that they could last that long. You know, I really don't like your ex. I know I shouldn't say that about someone I don't know but what kind of person leaves their spouse and kids in that kind of situation?

I hope he's not walking away from this debt?

He already has done. Thats why I ended up with the debt plan. When he left he cancelled all of his direct debits and so I had to take them all on but couldnt manage... until i got the plan. Yeah hes f'd us up good an proper.

Okay, this is certainly out of my league when it comes to finance. I do think there are some questions only a specialist solicitor (not a family one) needs to answer here though, particularly around those CCJs. My thoughts are:

1. He cannot just walk away from the debt. I think given his conduct, my first question would be shouldn't all of the debts be assigned to him in divorce and he take on the DMP?

2. You could only have CCJs in your name if your spouse ran up debts in your name. Don't tell me here how the CCJs came about, that might be outing, but would I be on the right lines if I said he prioritised his gambling debt in his name and neglected the mortgage payment in joint names?

3. I don't know for certain but I doubt the average Family Solicitor is trained to handle complex debt matters. I would recommend trying to find a free consultation with a debt consultancy solicitor. They'll understand the ins and outs of CCJs and how to remove them.

I'm not saying it's possible, but I would strongly recommend fighting to get those CCJs removed and a debt consultancy solicitor is your best hope.

I will do. Thanks so much for all of your advice and all the time you have given me. Its really helped and was so kind of you. Ive got a few things on my list that im working through this week. 💪

Well, hopefully I was of some use, I'm no solicitor I'm afraid!

But fight on you must but be clever with it. Don't just rack up debt, think carefully. Do what you can yourself but always seek advice from your solicitor when you need it. I don't know the law but I'm still struggling to believe a hardworking mother like you could carry CCJs for the next 6 years because of a dickhead ex-husband who gambled away his family's future.