Can grandparents hire private investigators to find out about their grandchildren?

[Feliciacat]

Hi there,

I’m ttc and do not plan to involve my parents at all in my life so I’m not planning to tell them about any children I have. Whilst this may seem harsh, the decision comes after years of belittling and controlling behaviour. I wish I could have a relationship with them but that would require them to be different people.

I know that grandparents have no automatic rights. However, I am aware that they can ask for visitation if they can prove they have a relationship with their grandchildren. If they never meet them then they’ll never be able to make this argument.

However, could they hire a private investigator to get information on my life and the details of any children I have? They are wealthy and they really are unhinged so I believe this is something they would do. Then could they show up at my kid/s school or lie to a court and say they had a relationship with the kid/s?

I want to enjoy this stage of my life but I’m catastrophising about what they might do. My mother likes to ‘win’ at all costs so I imagine she’d be livid if she knew she wasn’t involved in ‘her grandchildren’s’ lives. Hell hath no fury like her scorned. I feel like I could always be looking over my shoulder. Does anyone have any advice please?

Yes, they do have the right to do this, and to try to use the courts to gain access so that they can have a relationship with them.

I think anyone can hire a PI, for their services.
Even if they can find out lots of info, it does prove they have any kind of relationship.

It sounds awful OP. The thing is that anyone can hire a private investigator to investigate anyone or anything.

If they start to turn up places you need to involve the police and think about restraining orders.

Sorry, does not prove a relationship

As far as I’m aware grandparents don’t have this right.

Thank you for the responses. I don’t want to post anything identifiable here but my parents know where I live so I’m worried about what they could do. I don’t have any proof of the abuse as it’s all been verbal. I’m not the only estranged sibling so it’s not just me who finds them difficult. I want to protect my family. If they said anything like they said to me when I was growing up, it would be awful. That’s why I don’t want them in mine or my kid/s’ lives.

That’s not true.

Hadalife, I know what you meant!

If the OP is in England I'm pretty sure that's not the case but IMNAL

Anyone can hire a PI to do anything, there aren't any special rules for grandparents

I'd imagine it might be pretty hard to be so far under the radar that you couldn't be found unless you could leave the country somehow without leaving a trail

@LadyCampanulaTottington thank you so much for your response :)

It’s a two stage process. Firstly they need to apply for leave (permission) from the Court to make an application. Only if it is granted can they then make an application. You can oppose both.

Yes. There’s nothing stopping them hiring an investigator.

If they have had no relationship with the children (and no relationship with you) then I can’t see their application succeeding. IMHO, the fact that they’d hire an investigator adds to the evidence of their behaviour.

Make a handwritten note of the history and any contact attempts they may make.

@FemmeNatal I think they can only do this if they can prove they have an existing relationship (I’m in the UK). Maybe they can twist the information they find to pretend they do though. This is all theoretical of course but I want to be prepared.

You can’t stop the private investigator! IME schools and nursery are quite hot on safeguarding though. When you enrol, if you explain that they are to have no contact with the grandparents GPs won’t be allowed to take them home or anything.

They can hire a PI but the court won't fall for that in England at least, the proof of a relationship is very high and the court only intervenes in very exceptional circumstances eg where the grandchildren were resident in a grandparents home/had custody

@MooseBeTimeForSnow thank you very much. That’s a good idea.

Emigrate that should slow them down.

It would be very hard for them to fabricate a relationship with them based just on knowledge gained from a PI. No judge would believe a grandparent has a close relationship with a child they have no photographs with!

@IcedOatLatte that’s true. Never say never I suppose. They did say they wished they’d never had children though and that I shouldn’t have any because they thought any kids I had with my partner would have autism (because of my partner’s family history). So it’s also possible that they’ll decide they don’t want contact. It’s a polarised situation really!

@Anothernosebleed @motogirl that’s really reassuring, thank you.

I’m new here so trying to thank everyone (plus I genuinely mean it)!

@Gunpowder yes that’s a good point. My partner has already told his work about the situation (my mother has threatened to call my ex’s work before so he told his manager about her in case).

@PattyMelt thank you :)

Ah @Feliciacat, you sound so stressed.😥 Listen, your folks can hire all the PI's in the world, they don't have any rights over your children. And you will not have to justify yourself in court. If they come, get a solicitor to tell them "No".

You've probably already thought of this, but NEVER mention your child/ren on any social media, and don't let anyone else do it. (No photos of picnics/parties etc)

@TooBigForMyBoots I am! I’ve had some counselling about it plus reconnected with my siblings about it which has helped. I might look into anxiety medication as, to be fair, I do get generally anxious. Thank you for your reassurance <3

@sueelleker you know, I am already intensely private on social media (no surname, no linked in, no location or even relationship information) because my parents do stalk me and my siblings if we put any information up! Says a lot really!