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Original poster

Mum stating she will break court order

99 replies

Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:35

Hello

Just need some advice. Will try and keep to facts and remove any emotion.

DSS mum is getting increasingly difficult to deal with re: arrangements of shared care. Court order has been in place over 2 years. Is DSS half term with DP, then return to usual arrangments so with DP until Tue morn. I do school drop offs Tue to breakfast club. Mum is stating due to not seeing her son for a week they will miss each other so she is collecting him from school Monday despite court order to contrary and DP not agreeing. She states he has educational anxiety and displays very poor behaviour towards attending school at her home and she needs to settle him on Monday. DSS does not display same behaviour here and has said he doesnt but doesnt know why that is.

What should DP do? He has replied saying he wants to stick to order as thinks it is DSS best interest to maintain his known routine. She does not agree.

Week of worry ahead!

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 31/05/2022 15:38

Is Monday a normal day for parent to have them as I believe half term dates may be Monday to Friday and the following Monday an inset day?

roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 15:40

Does it matter if she picks him up a day early? They probably will miss each other - over a week is a long time for a child to be away from their mother

Original poster
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:40

School returns on Monday so contact reverts to normal term time contact as set out in the court order. This is what DSS Mum does not want to follow.

OP posts:
PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 31/05/2022 15:43

roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 15:40

Does it matter if she picks him up a day early? They probably will miss each other - over a week is a long time for a child to be away from their mother

So the father can do the same then? Just decide he wants to pick him up a day early.

Original poster
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:43

It matters as is not in best interests of DSS due to other issues and his attitude to school which isn't displayed here and is the latest in a long list of issues that I haven't put above as not directly linked to this, but I can say it is just the latest.

It has been this long previously due to half terms to be away from his father also but DSS is very much one for his routine.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 15:44

If normal court ordered time is a weekend and Monday, then this will have been around 10 days apart. It seems a bit sad to say no. How old is the child? Christ I really wouldn't cope with not seeing my child that long.

OurChristmasMiracle · 31/05/2022 15:45

But would the child normally be with their dad before school on a Monday? What’s the normal week arrangement?

obviously if it’s child stays Friday to Tuesday then the child should stay but if It’s normally Monday morning school drop off then mum could argue that Monday and Monday night are her time

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 31/05/2022 15:46

Over a week is a long time for a child young enough to need to go to breakfast club not to see his mum.

Original poster
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:47

@roarfeckingroarr I respect your opinion but I have posted here for advice on this. Sadly this is an aspect of separated parenting that has to be faced. I am asking about the legal implications.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:49

@OurChristmasMiracle Fri eve-Tue EOW and Mon afterschool Tues in 2nd week plus 50-50 school holidays.

OP posts:
Hapoydayz · 31/05/2022 15:51

Yeah that seems a long time for the child and the ask is reasonable. It comes across as rather than thinking what would be good for the child you are making some sort of point.

OurChristmasMiracle · 31/05/2022 15:52

So which week are you going into? Is this the week you just have Monday after school and Tuesday or is this the week that child is with you until Tuesday?

roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 15:52

My advice is to let her see her child a day early then. What harm will it do? Being flexible can only be good for you all. Do you have your own? If so, can you imagine how hard it would be to not see your young child for ten days?

Original poster
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 31/05/2022 15:55

It is after DP weekend with DSS. As part of being flexible half term arrangements only began yesterday so as not to affect typical weekend pattern. This has always been in place. In an ideal world flexibility is great but this has been for 6 years only one way and remained so hence the need for a court order.

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 31/05/2022 15:56

@roarfeckingroarr I respect your opinion but have posted here for advice on this. Sadly this is an aspect of separated parenting that has to be faced. I am asking about the legal implications. if the law or what the court order says is the priority here then your dh needs to speak to his solicitor for clarification. A lot of us are probably just looking at it from the child's point of view, particularly when the child isn't even being looked after by his actual parent on the Tuesday morning. It just seems cold.

NancyJoan · 31/05/2022 15:59

Changing name 5 mins after posting a thread makes it very hard to understand, OP.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 31/05/2022 15:59

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 31/05/2022 15:56

@roarfeckingroarr I respect your opinion but have posted here for advice on this. Sadly this is an aspect of separated parenting that has to be faced. I am asking about the legal implications. if the law or what the court order says is the priority here then your dh needs to speak to his solicitor for clarification. A lot of us are probably just looking at it from the child's point of view, particularly when the child isn't even being looked after by his actual parent on the Tuesday morning. It just seems cold.

They are missing out on the Monday evening when they are being looked after by a parent.

Afterfire · 31/05/2022 16:00

What would dss want to do? I’m assuming as they’re school age they’re perfectly capable of voicing their opinion. I would go with that.

ithoughtitmihtbenicetochat · 31/05/2022 16:00

You could take her back to court for breach of order, but realistically nothing will happen.
A police officer couldn't even collect the child, on that Monday evening, despite the order.
There is actually very little you can do.
Flexibility and compromise and keeping relationships is more important.

As most people say on this thread, her picking him up the Monday seems like the best solution.
Could you maybe explain why the child's father doesn't agree?
I appreciate it is none of our business, it just seems odd, when it appears to most to be in the child's best interests.

OurChristmasMiracle · 31/05/2022 16:01

I’m assuming then that you collected dss on Monday and therefore he should return next Tuesday after school so LEGALLY by him remaining in his fathers care you will have done nothing wrong and stuck by the arrangement outlined.

Mariposista · 31/05/2022 16:03

Sounds like this is more about the mother's wants than the kid. What the court order states goes. She can see him the following day, as arranged. I bet she would be singing from a different hymn sheet if it was the father stating that he had had 10 days without his kid and that was too long hahaha

roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 16:03

This is very sad. Why have a battle when you could let her pick him up on Monday night? No wonder people stay in bad relationships over losing their young kids for such long periods.

JellyBeanFactory · 31/05/2022 16:03

@Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo @Dontknowwhattodotohelp
Name change fail? Tricky when trying to read thread through.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 31/05/2022 16:05

roarfeckingroarr · 31/05/2022 16:03

This is very sad. Why have a battle when you could let her pick him up on Monday night? No wonder people stay in bad relationships over losing their young kids for such long periods.

They are with their father, who has them for a lot less time than their mother does.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 31/05/2022 16:08

Just had a look at your previous post when you said that the child is suffering with anxiety and the mother is potentially unintentionally emotionally abusive by passing on her own anxiety. I think the parents need to go back to mediation, and this clearly isn't working well for the child.