Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Will childrens serviced yet re involved

27 replies

Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 12:57

So social services were involved when my dd was born due to concerns of dv from her dad. It closed not long after as they no longer were concerned and he passed his risk assessments ect. Well anyway her dad and I started seeing each other again recently but it’s not gone well he’s not blackmailing me for money I’ve not got and I want to call the police and get restraining order and cut the contact with his daughter as I don’t want get growing up around him but I’m scared to tell the police incase ss get involved because I’ve got loads of evidence on him blackmailing and threatening me ect but he’s got nasty messages I sent him back too nothing like he’s sent Thougj mainly name calling cause he does it to me so I’m scared incase I get in trouble for it and I don’t wanna risk losing my daughter . But I can’t take the abuse and blackmail from him any longer he’s involving family members now ad it’s not fair on then I feel like I’m just gonna live in fear all my life if I don’t tell the police but I’m scared as I don’t wanna lose my daughter as the ss will find out we got back together

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 26/05/2022 13:04

He "passed his risk assessments" but you were still required to keep him out of your life?

yourestandingonmyneck · 26/05/2022 13:05

What is he blackmailing you about?

MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 13:09

To be honest, social service involvement might not be the worst thing in the world, you're obviously struggling to make safe choices for your daughter so their support may well be useful.

Original poster
Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 13:09

Johnnysgirl · 26/05/2022 13:04

He "passed his risk assessments" but you were still required to keep him out of your life?

No they never said it was a requirement but I assume we were not supposed to get back together

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 13:10

I don’t necessarily mind them being involved as such I’m jusy scared I don’t want them to take her of me because they lose their trust with me

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 13:11

he is after money which he gave me 5 weeks ago , not borrowed , gave me now he is demanding it baxk and I can’t give it him I’ve not got it

OP posts:
HOTHotPeppers · 26/05/2022 13:12

Involve the police, work with SS, be open and honest and never get back with him. Otherwise it's going to spiral.

Johnnysgirl · 26/05/2022 13:12

What is he blackmailing you about?

CPL593H · 26/05/2022 13:13

It sounds like you knew social services would intervene if they found that you got back together.

If so, you've screwed up and the only thing you can do to stop it being an even bigger screw up is to go to the police and tell social services the truth.

Johnnysgirl · 26/05/2022 13:13

Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 13:09

No they never said it was a requirement but I assume we were not supposed to get back together

Show quote history

You don't know?!

JudgeRindersMinder · 26/05/2022 13:15

And this is why everyone is such a complex thing! It’s easy for all of us to say to get rid etc, but in reality a suite relationships just aren’t like that.
OP you need to seek help, I know it isn’t easy but the longer you leave it the more inveigled he’ll be and it’ll be all the harder to do, please try

JudgeRindersMinder · 26/05/2022 13:15

Dv is a complex thing, not everyone…my iPad hates me

BiscoffSundae · 26/05/2022 13:28

Did you post about this before? It rings a bell

FlibbertyGiblets · 26/05/2022 13:32

Please ring the police. They can help you.

Children's services will reopen the case, I expect, and you must follow their plan exactly. You are not really taking this seriously. Children's services will not take the child straight away, there needs to be a court order from a judge. But you must keep the child safe, and that means doing exactly what is asked of you, and being totally clear on the line at which further action will be taken.

Pick up that phone, good luck.

LIZS · 26/05/2022 13:34

Your dd welfare is priority. By not reporting it you are not putting her needs first, even if ss do get involved.

lunar1 · 26/05/2022 13:46

You have to put your dd first and report him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2022 20:54

What’s he going to do if you don’t give him back the money? You haven’t said.

You know you’ve got to tell the police. It sounds chaotic and stressful. Your daughter needs and deserves stability and calm.

Oldfilmsareshit · 27/05/2022 21:00

I would hope they do

Skeptadad · 27/05/2022 22:50

What a train wreck.

He gave you money and you aren’t giving it back. This guy sounds as chaotic as you what did you think was going to happen? Why did you take the money.

My fingers are crossed social services get involved to keep this child safe.

PinkBump2022 · 30/05/2022 15:39

Yes 100% they will because anytime police get called they have to inform ss about it. But they will be on your side and help you. They want to see you safe guarding your child which is what you are doing

PinkBump2022 · 30/05/2022 15:40

Was the money for child maintenance? If so he can’t ask for that back

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/05/2022 15:43

Girlmommy · 26/05/2022 13:10

I don’t necessarily mind them being involved as such I’m jusy scared I don’t want them to take her of me because they lose their trust with me

They can't take her off you if you've genuinely ended the relationship and do everything you can to stay away. It's far better to be open and get help than fail on your own.

Skeptadad · 30/05/2022 20:26

Does this sound like the kind of guy who pays child maintenance PinkBump2022? I can only imagine what this money was for.

Childrens social services are fantastic if you are honest, innocent and want what’s best for your child.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/05/2022 20:30

MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 13:09

To be honest, social service involvement might not be the worst thing in the world, you're obviously struggling to make safe choices for your daughter so their support may well be useful.

This.

They are there to help your daughter.

catbirddogchild · 30/05/2022 20:31

Well obviously you report him and get him out of your life.
In all honesty you do probably actually need some support from children's services in this case.
If you act in your child's best interest and remove him from your life they will just be there to support you and ensure you are ok.
If this all blows up and it wasn't you who did the reporting that will look really bad and imply you were not acting in the best interests of your child.
So report him and make it easy on yourself.