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Original poster

Grandparents Court Order

32 replies

Juststopamoment · 26/03/2022 08:54

My ex died. We’d been separated for a number of years when he died. The children weren’t seeing him bar a couple I visits I supervised because of his mental health and addiction issues. After he died the paternal grandparents got access to see the children despite there being a non molestation order against the grandmother and a restraining order against their son, the childrens father. Also despite there being parental alienation by the grandmother towards me. My eldest is nearly 12 and youngest 10 and both want to reduce the number of visits. At the moment it’s 8 visits and year and 6 Zoom calls a year. They want to halve it. Will the court take on board their opinions now? As a single parent I have very little money. There is no financial help at all from the paternal family. What would be the cheapest way of doing this if the grandparents don’t agree? Thanks.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/03/2022 08:57

Well how confident are your DC? Would they answer the zoom call and then say they don't want to do them anymore? Or say we don't want to come on the next visit?

In one way the DC can stop going/refuse to go and then the onus is on the DGP to take it back to court to enforce it and you can get Cafcass involved and self rep.

Depends on your DC how self assured they are to stand up to the DGP and state what they want.

At 12 your eldest's wishes should definitely be listened to by the courts.

Bananarama21 · 26/03/2022 09:15

Can I ask why they don't want maintain contact?

Original poster
Juststopamoment · 26/03/2022 10:17

I have said to my eldest that he will have to say to them that he doesn’t want to see them as much. I thought I might message our go between (I don’t message them directly for obvious reasons) and say this is what the children want and that we need to start a dialogue. The oldest just wants time to do nothing at the weekends and the way the dates have panned out they will now have to see them monthly until the next set of dates which is 6 months. Also he isn’t that keen to go out with me either so it’s an age thing I would say. It’s about cutting down contact not cutting it out altogether.

OP posts:
Original poster
Juststopamoment · 26/03/2022 10:19

Thank you RandomMess. Is it possible to avoid court and get a solicitor instead? Although I suppose that might be more expensive.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/03/2022 12:40

Well you could ask for mediation but it still costs money?

You don't need a solicitor to write to them and state the DC don't want that level of contact and you aren't prepared to force it.

coodawoodashooda · 26/03/2022 12:43

I feel your pain op. Id let it run its course. Explain to your kids. Let them just have shit calls. It will stop by itself.

Original poster
Juststopamoment · 26/03/2022 19:21

coodawoodashooda it’s not just the zoom calls it’s the 8 visits a year. It’s like a dictatorship. How did yours come to an end?

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 26/03/2022 20:33

At 12 my dc went nc with his df. The court order was quite biased towards him. Ds moved his stuff here when his df was out. Never heard a word.

TizerorFizz · 27/03/2022 09:26

I think that it’s a lot easier if your DC had activities at weekends where the number of visits became an inconvenience. The doing nothing bit is a weak excuse. I would get DC or you to write to grandparents and suggest school holiday visits only. So Christmas, Easter and twice in the Summer. Did a court order zoom calls? When was this?

So offer some visits but say DC are increasingly busy with school work and seeing friends and developing their own social life.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 09:30

Why dont the children want it?

As others have said the onus is on the grandparents to return the issue to court if they want to, if the contact is not going ahead. You need to be clear though about why its stopping/reducing and how often the children are happy with

Its appropriate for your 12 year old to say why but not be left alone to discuss it with the grandparents, its better coming from you in the first instance

Who is the non mol in relation to - you or the kids?

coodawoodashooda · 27/03/2022 16:13

@Juststopamoment

coodawoodashooda it’s not just the zoom calls it’s the 8 visits a year. It’s like a dictatorship. How did yours come to an end?
It hasn't. It is with their father. Much more than 8 visits a year. Id consider important to keep it happening but making no effort to make it anything other than civil. Let them do the groundwork.
Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 19:25

Tizerorfizz that is sound advice thank you. Yes they want to halve it. This is just the beginning. Once they start going out with their friends they will be even more resistant. At the moment it’s just grumbling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 19:28

Bellac11 the non mol was mine against the grandmother but it was indirectly about the kids because the grandmother was making false allegations about me to the police, school, nursery and social services to try and portray me as a bad parent in order to divert attention from her addict son.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 27/03/2022 19:32

Well I think the easiest thing is to put forward the contact is now half (whatever that is) of what was originally ordered and that this is at the children's request and their contact will be on x date, x date etc etc etc

if they are unhappy with that, they will need to return the matter to court, an assessment will be completed. The children's wishes in a situation like this are more than likely to be adhered to particularly as its grandparents, not a parent

Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 19:59

Thank you Bellac11.

OP posts:
Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 20:10

Tizerorfizz I didn’t want them to have contact at all but as I ran out of money I had to settle. I suggested alternative months of contact with zoom in between and they came back with access every 6 weeks with zoom in the months they don’t see them. They initially asked for weekends over at their house and taking them on holiday as well as day trips and zoom. I considered it getting off lightly but it’s wearing a bit thin with the kids now.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 27/03/2022 20:29

So was this awarded by a judge? If is it an agreement drawn up by solicitors?

Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 21:35

It’s an agreement between the solicitors because I couldn’t afford to go to another hearing.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 27/03/2022 21:41

So you agreed out of court, its just an agreement between you all?

Original poster
Juststopamoment · 27/03/2022 21:51

Does out of court mean between solicitors during the hearing? Then yes that’s what happened.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 27/03/2022 21:58

Is it part of an order?

underneaththeash · 27/03/2022 22:36

I'd email them and ask - they might be willing to do something really fun with the kids - theme park, days out but once every holiday instead. Then it doesn't get to go to court.

Otherwise, I'd just do the zoom call as a quiz type thing that is over very quickly.

RandomMess · 27/03/2022 23:06

Well if it's not court ordered then just write and tell them that the DC says it's too frequent and just want to do something in the school holidays. That they are getting older and they must realise it's pretty normal as they approach the teen years.

Sure they can drag you to court after mediation but you could self rep.

coodawoodashooda · 28/03/2022 04:33

@RandomMess

Well if it's not court ordered then just write and tell them that the DC says it's too frequent and just want to do something in the school holidays. That they are getting older and they must realise it's pretty normal as they approach the teen years.

Sure they can drag you to court after mediation but you could self rep.

If you mean organising a zoom quiz then id do the opposite. 'hello grandparents here are your grandchildren' then busy yourself with your stamp collection or whatever. Don't help them make it nice.
Flatandhappy · 28/03/2022 05:19

Presumably if you both signed the agreement it is an Order by Consent which has the same validity as if it were judge ordered?