Could my siblings force me out of my parent house when she dies, I am her carer and she wants me to stay on but hasn't changed will? (NOTE: title taken from This is Money article)

[Gonnagetgoing]

MSN article from This is Money about 55 year old man living with mother and caring for her for past 3 years whilst she is terminally ill, he has no savings, no income, no benefits and has relied on parents for financial help. He's worried he'll be turfed out of the family home despite his mother wanting it to stay in the family and is youngest of 5 children who all own their own homes.

I have a friend who is youngest of 7 children and cared for her mother who had dementia and was ill in last 5 years of her life. Other siblings did very little or nothing. Her mother wanted her house to go to youngest child (friend) but wasn't of sound mind to change will or friend didn't feel able to broach it, and arrange it and deal with fallout from family one of whom was a solicitor and very nasty, other not much better. The parents here - the father died when children were younger and the mother worked but lived in a wealthy area and when she moved to a smaller house also moved to a wealthy/up and coming area.

Friend fell pregnant at 15 (single mum) and has a council house and son who's done very well for himself and bought a flat with his fiance. She has worked but obviously not been able to save a lot. She also believes in council housing being for working class people who can't afford to buy. Friend also helped out by being a semi-carer for her brother who had diabetes and I think kidney disease and needed help including lifts to hospital. He sadly died young recently.

I also have a very close friend who's suffered a stroke but moved in with her mum approx 15 years ago - they both care for each other - her mum is a very sprightly 85 year old but with bad hearing problems and hip replacement but very well otherwise. She recently told me that as her mum won't move she may have to work part time or give up her job to care for her mum. Yet she has 2 siblings both with teens/grown up children who have good careers and big houses and don't care for their mother at all. How is that fair?! My friend has worked in a field where the pay has been low or got housing free and hasn't been able to save to buy a property. Yet when she dies presumably the house proceeds will be split 3 ways or at least that's what she's told me in the past.

I'm quite lucky, got own house, DPs in their own house and stepdad 10 years younger than DM but both fairly well although DM not in past and has health conditions which are managed.

So my question is - hypothetical really how is it fair for children who already have houses to expect a sibling to care for ill/elderly parents - yet don't appreciate the care they give and also what they'd pay if parent had to have a private carer or NHS carer or go into a home? There seems to be no fair split or understanding here and if it were me, I'd take a lesser slice of a house or otherwise inheritance to reflect the fact that e.g. brother looked after mum.

I'd think in terms of a wage, if I were in this situation. It would be pretty token- £25k?- for 24 hours, 365 responsibility, but at least a quantifiable benefit.

So write a will leaving £25k per year of care, after which the rest would be split equally between the sibs.

I think caring and inheritance should be separate issues. People cari g for parents shouldn't be disadvantaged whilst providing the care, they shouldn't be waiting for a future pay out. They must claim any benefits they are entitled to and perhaps there should be contributions from the person being cared for to recompense for the things the carer is missing out of.

Inheritance should be based on what the parent wants to do. But we should all be mindful that children may feel that the sharing of inheritance unequally may feel that they are loved less than the child that receives more. That is vey hurtful and can't be taken back after the parent is already dead. Unequal percentages may impact on siblings relationships for ever. As a parent I would need a huge justification to allocate unequally, such as one child asking me to allocate some of their share to a sibling or directly to their children. I wouldn't hurt my children by treating them differently after my death irrespective of whether one was living with me.

I think that those that think there should be financial benefit to someone providing care, I'd recommend that this is written in stone, in a contract and/or will and discussed with all children before the caring starts

@Sugartitsorahilly

I don't see why caring for a parent equals getting the whole house. I think that's really grabby.

Often the only reason there is a house to inherit is because one child has given up their life for several years. This means the parent is able to spend time in a familiar place - very important for one of the long drawn out illnesses, such as dementia. Good quality dementia care can cost £150K+ per week, which has been “saved” by the carer sibling.

Maybe the non carer siblings should take that into account and vary the will.

£150k+ per annum, not week