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Original poster

Separation not married

60 replies

Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 13:31

Hi has anyone remained in the family home after separation? We have a joint mortgage and my partner expects me to leave after he buys me out - I have been told I can legally stay until my youngest is 18 - I don’t want to add to the disruption in their lives and could afford to pay the bills and mortgage on my own

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 17/11/2021 14:05

Oh sorry, I didn’t see you weren’t married.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/11/2021 14:06

And obviously you fix the equity at what it's at now, either cash value or %

parentsonthenet · 17/11/2021 14:08

I'm sorry but I think you need to prepare for the eventuality that you either need to buy out your soon to be ex partner or to accept him buying you out.

This.

It's not the news you want to hear but realistically these are the only two options.

I'm sorry that you're going through a bad time.

Forestdweller11 · 17/11/2021 14:09

You need proper legal advice. Mersher orders are rare and in reality restricted to high net worth /high earning individuals. If you not own the house you could both end up living in it side by side unless one or the other goes to court or buys the other one out. If there isn't enough equity, there isn't enough equity.

Triffid1 · 17/11/2021 14:10

Agree with others - get proper legal advice. The big problem is that if you can't afford to buy him out, you're going to struggle to stay in the house if he wants the equity released so he can buy somewhere else.

If he's willing to leave and leave the equity in the house, theoretically you could come to some sort of agreement whereby you pay the mortgage, he has an agreed portion of the equity (with a proportional increased based on the increase of the property) and you take over payments. But I'd be surprised if he'd agree to that.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 17/11/2021 14:12

The first thing you need to do is go and see if anyone will give you a mortgage on your salary alone. Once you know this key piece of information you will be able to clearly see what your options are going forward.

Have you actually got an AIP from a mortgage provider?

littlebigtiger · 17/11/2021 14:14

If you were not married it's extremely unlikely that you would get such an order.

Unless he's earning over 6 figures a year I don't think you could legally get an order to stay in the home.

Original poster
Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 14:15

I could afford the mortgage but not with his equity on top - its such a shit situation (excuse my language) he does the dirty and just calls on mummy and daddy to buy me out - I feel for my children - I have a solicitor calling me
Back this afternoon - thanks everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 14:17

He is a very high earner with a successful business so he will easily get himself another place - we rent out a 2 bedroom property which he could easily live in

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 17/11/2021 14:20

If you've got a second property, can yo agree to sell that and then you use the proceeds to buy him out of the house?

Would he be open to a payment plan if you couldn't afford to buy him out completely at this point?

AndSoFinally · 17/11/2021 14:22

Who owns the second property? Just him or both of you?

You say he has a very high salary but couldn't afford to buy you out. But you also say there isn't much equity in the house, so it wouldn't cost him much? I don't understand

Polmuggle · 17/11/2021 14:22

A Mesher Order is part of a financial settlement in court following divorce. To have one without the marriage, he would have to agree with it which is unlikely.

parentsonthenet · 17/11/2021 14:25

@AndSoFinally

Who owns the second property? Just him or both of you?

You say he has a very high salary but couldn't afford to buy you out. But you also say there isn't much equity in the house, so it wouldn't cost him much? I don't understand

Are you able to give rough figures?

Does he own the other property or is that a joint purchase.

Although I'm not an advocate for marriage I guess a scenario like this would help.

Original poster
Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 14:26

There is £190k each equity but that wouldn’t be enough to buy me a house in this area - his salary is good but he doesn’t have a lump sum of money - he could get a property through his company or so he says

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 17/11/2021 14:31

Are you on the deeds of this second property. If you were married it would probably be part of a divorce settlement even if he owned it himself.

Universeandeverything · 17/11/2021 14:32

I don’t think your friend gave you up to date advice. I had two small children and was forced by the courts to sell the house when I divorced.

Original poster
Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 14:35

Could I force a sale? I don’t want him and his new partner living in my family home

OP posts:
littlebigtiger · 17/11/2021 14:37

You could force a sale, but you couldn't stop him buying it.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/11/2021 14:37

@Coconutyellow05

Could I force a sale? I don’t want him and his new partner living in my family home
Again unlikely if he's willing to buy you out. And would cost fortunes.
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 17/11/2021 14:38

Yes you can force a sale, through the court though, obviously

parentsonthenet · 17/11/2021 14:46

@Coconutyellow05

There is £190k each equity but that wouldn’t be enough to buy me a house in this area - his salary is good but he doesn’t have a lump sum of money - he could get a property through his company or so he says
If you put your £190k equity down as a deposit on a new house how much mortgage would they be able to offer you? Would that not equate to a smaller house in the area or just outside?

Are you names on the current mortgage?

Original poster
Coconutyellow05 · 17/11/2021 14:56

Yes I can do that and that is my other option - just wish I wasn’t the one coming out worse when I have done nothing - men hey! Thanks everyone and sorry if I’m not making sense - my head is all over the place

OP posts:
UhOhOops · 17/11/2021 15:14

You can't get a mesher order if you're not married.

He could force a sale (through the court if necessary) and you would have to leave if you are unable to buy him out, although he might be willing to give you some 'go away' money to make it easier.

You can force a sale, through the court if necessary, but you cannot prevent him from buying it back. This would also be costly and quite provocative, likely to lead to acrimony which I hope you'd like to minimise for the dc.

If you become resident parent you will be entitled to child benefit, uc if applicable and cm. Plus your share of the equity. As you are not married you should not expect anything more than that, unless through his 'generosity'

And yes, that really does stink. But therein lies the lesson about the protection of marriage.

UhOhOops · 17/11/2021 15:19

Is the second property in joint names? Depending on the value/equity/mortgage on the second property (if it is in joint names) you might be able to make a deal that you get the family house and he gets the 2nd property with you taking out a mortgage for the difference?

Rosemaryandlemon · 17/11/2021 15:29

Speak to solicitor. You may be able to claim for financial provision for your children under Schedule 1 Children’s Act 1989, this can include transfer of property to you until the children become 18. It all depends on parties positions and needs.