Separation not married

[Coconutyellow05]

Hi has anyone remained in the family home after separation? We have a joint mortgage and my partner expects me to leave after he buys me out - I have been told I can legally stay until my youngest is 18 - I don’t want to add to the disruption in their lives and could afford to pay the bills and mortgage on my own

Who told you that you could stay? Is this advice from a family aware solicitor?

*family law

Usually if you're being bought out, you have to leave. Can you buy out your ex?

It’s from a friend who has been through similar apparently they look at the less disruption possible for children - they would have to move school/ nurseries etc as we couldn’t afford to stay in this area - I am waiting to hear back from a solicitor just wondered if anyone has actually done this x

I think either of you can force a sale on a jointly owned property when you are not married. He won't buy you out and let you stay in the property. You would have to buy him out usually if you want to stay.

If he's buying you out he'll own the house, right? So yes you need to leave in that instance. If you want to stay you need to see a solicitor and find another solution.
How many children do you have? Is he their father? Do you work?
So many factors.

It is highly unlikely you'll be able to stay under the circumstances you describe.

He wouldn’t buy me out - he would have to stay on the mortgage until either the youngest is 18 - I marry or someone else lives here for 6 months x

If he's buying you out you'd need to leave.
You can't expect him to pay for the house, for you to then stay anyway, and child maintenance, surely?

You can’t reply on information from your friend you need proper legal advice.
Regardless of the legality it IMO it would be immoral to stay if he buys you out.

Sorry I meant instead of him buying me out

@Viviennemary

I think either of you can force a sale on a jointly owned property when you are not married. He won't buy you out and let you stay in the property. You would have to buy him out usually if you want to stay.

This

If he goes, you buy him out. Can you afford to pay the bills there on your own? Can you afford to buy him out? House prices have shot up so equity payable could be steep.

If he buys you out. You leave. You use the money to set up elsewhere.

You can't have your cake and eat it.

If he buys you out it is his house so yes you would have to leave.

I don’t quite understand your post, if he buys you out then you have to leave. But if you delay sale until your youngest is 18 you can both legally live there.

I guess the most important question is why would you would want to live with your ex for that long? Sounds dreadful

A mesher order - where a court rules that you can remain in the house until the children are 18 - is very rare these days.

You need to get proper legal advice.

If you were to remain in the house could you afford to pay the mortgage on your own?

I’m sorry maybe I have not made myself clear - It’s called a mesher order where the sale of the house is delayed until the youngest child is 18. We have a lot of equity in the house but not enough to both have a property in this area. I am not trying to be unreasonable just looking at ways to try and get myself sorted.

And yes I can afford the bills etc on my own

I think you’re in a trickier position as you’re not married.
Clean breaks in divorce are preferred now but you’d be applying for a mesher order without divorce. You need legal advice.
Out of curiosity was your friend married?

Can you get a meshed order if you’re not married?

@Coconutyellow05

He wouldn’t buy me out - he would have to stay on the mortgage until either the youngest is 18 - I marry or someone else lives here for 6 months x

So he lives elsewhere You pay the whole mortgage He pays appropriate maintenance if he doesn't have the kids 50-50 Then you sell when your youngest is 18? Is that what you're proposing?

I apologise if I've misunderstood

No she wasn’t - I’m sorry maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree - partner of 11 years has walked out for someone else and I’m left with 3 children - stil in a bit of a daze and trying to sort out a million things whilst dealing with heartbreak x

Yes, plenty of people on MN have said they’ve been granted a meshed order.
You absolutely will need legal advice on this matter though.
Don’t agree to anything without speaking to a solicitor.

@Coconutyellow05

I’m sorry maybe I have not made myself clear - It’s called a mesher order where the sale of the house is delayed until the youngest child is 18. We have a lot of equity in the house but not enough to both have a property in this area. I am not trying to be unreasonable just looking at ways to try and get myself sorted.

What about him?

Would he also love with you until your child is 18?

If not where do his funds come from to set up elsewhere without being bought out?

Would you expect him to contribute to the mortgage without actually living there?

A mesher order is a specific process that's requested as part of a divorce.

You're not divorcing, so unless the solicitor you instruct is shit hot at family law and can create precedence where there is none it's incredibly unlikely that one will be issued. Even in divorce it's something the courts try to avoid unless absolutely necessary.

I'm sorry but I think you need to prepare for the eventuality that you either need to buy out your soon to be ex partner or to accept him buying you out.

@Coconutyellow05

And yes I can afford the bills etc on my own

Can you get enough of a mortgage to buy him out? You probably won't get a Mesher order.