Can being an executor of a will be easily abused?

[CleopatrasBeautifulNose]

My DH was named as joint executor on his parents will with his sibling as the other executor, however as he is now very geographically remote from where his DP's live they have taken him off and replaced him with a family friend who is more local and has experience dealing with probate.
This is a sensible practical choice, I hear dealing with things from a distance can be very difficult.
My concern is the fact that DH is estranged from his sibling. Some years ago there was an upset which was blown out of all proportion sadly by all parties involved failing to communicate and letting misunderstandings rule the day (it was like a ghastly game of chinese whispers). DH's sibling went NC on him (we tried to go and see them to try to make things better but they replied they didn't want to know) which we were surprised and saddened by but as they had never really been close assumed that they had 'let go' of the relationship relatively easily.
It recently came to light through relatives that the sibling still has a lot of animosity towards DH to the point that they were willing to boycott a significant family occasion because he would have been there. The occasion was cancelled as a result as the person whose occasion it was, was too upset by this to continue and made alternative plans.
We were surprised that after over a decade since the original upset the feelings the sibling carries are still so strong that they were willing to spoil this persons day.
It has made us realise that we just don't know the state of mind this person is in, and as such wonder if when their parents pass away whether they will still disperse the estate to their wishes.
Previous to this revelation I would have said that they would do as parents wished, but I also would have thought they would have been civil to DH for this relative for a day. It makes you realise that people can justify all kinds of surprising things to themselves.

Is it possible for an executor to abuse their position and run off with an inheritance intended for someone else? I know the family friend could be trusted but they may not be watchful for mishandling of affairs as they don't know the history of this upset. I know it is illegal to execute a will against the wishes of the deceased but presumably you have to get caught, so I'm wondering how open to abuse the system is?

Is there a solicitor involved in putting the will through probate? If so, I would rely on them to make sure the will is executed faithfully. You can always retain your own solicitor for advice too.

When the executors obtain probate, it will be possible for you to get a copy of the will. Assuming your husband is a beneficiary, he is entitled to receive estate accounts from the executors to ensure that the estate has been distributed correctly. No-one will be checking independently. It is up to your DH and other beneficiaries to check that the executors have done their job properly.

The executors can do whatever they want with the money. They should follow the instructions in the will but I deal with complaints for a bank and I’ve dealt with so many family disputes after a bereavement. It’s more common than you’d think for the executor to do what they want, then other family members have to spend lots of money taking legal action to try and reclaim their share which has already been spent. You’re right to be concerned.

I was an executor of my father's will jointly with my sibling who lives 400 miles away.
Although I was scrupulously honest, I can see how an executor could abuse the system.
In theory there should be an executors bank account which all monies should pass through and obviously a relative can ask to see statements, but there could be abuses:

• with undeclared cash found in the property
• selling off of items in a property
• by 'holding back' / not declaring some assets and only cashing them in after the probate accounts have supposedly been tallied up and closed.

This would all be illegal of course, but I was shocked by how few checks and balances there were e.g. unless a solicitor is involved nobody really checks your paperwork.

It would be best if your DH could get a list of all the accounts/assets, even if he doesn't know the amount in each. At least then he can then ask for statements from the executors. But if he doesn't know something existed in the first place . . .

We found out that DF had premium bonds 2 years after probate closed!

My father was executor of his parents’ wills and I recently discovered we grandchildren should have benefitted to the tune of £5k each from each will. We didn’t get a penny (we were teenagers/early 20’s when grandparents died)
My sibling, joint executor of my parents wills, stripped the house of everything of value, all mum’s jewellery etc and denied the existence of things bequeathed to me and DGCs. It stinks and you can do sweet FA about it.
I don’t think being an executor means anything when such behaviours can’t be legally challenged without costing £££££.
😡

£38k in a building society account has also ‘vanished’.....

Thank you all so much! I didn't think this thread would get as much helpful advice as this. These insights are all really helpful for us to be forewarned and take steps to try to protect.
Yes, DH and his sibling are the only beneficiaries. I think the majority of assets are the value of the house, so assuming the house was sold that sum should be fairly straight forward to keep track of.
Luckily parents are in fine fettle so this is hopefully a far off concern, but it was finding out the change in situation which triggered my question. I like to be organised.
I really hope the sibling would do the right thing, but I was very shocked they were happy to upset their close relative for this grudge (it was such a silly thing to fall out over too!) so don't feel like I know them anymore.

YanTan that's awful! I just can't wrap my head around the mentality of someone who can steal like that and have no conscience over it. It's like a finders keepers attitude but over huge sums that you have no right over and to the detriment of people in your own family! It's beyond me.

Keeping track and being aware of all their finances doesn’t really mean much OP. Unless your husband is named as a joint executor and it says every transfer of money must have both signatures for authorisation, there’s no guarantee he’ll get a penny. Too many families battle to try and get back money that’s already been spent. It’s an expensive, highly stressful and often fruitless waste of time and effort.
The pure greed that surfaces when a family member dies is so common. I dealt with a complaint recently where someone had been paying money into her partner’s sole account for years. He died and the whole balance has gone to his estranged children who are refusing to even pay for the funeral from his account or give any money to his partner. There’s nothing anyone can do about this. It legally belongs to the children.

From the sound of how bitter your Dh’s sibling is, I think it’s unlikely you’ll get any money when his parents die. It doesn’t matter what the other executor says. If they’re getting a hard time from his sibling, they’ll probably just go along with what he wants because he has the legal right to decide and you don’t.

The family-friend executor is some protection. Executors are personally liable for any maladministration of the estate. Gently reminding the family friend of that when the time comes, and being sure that she's aware of the ill feeling between the brothers might result in her keeping a watchful eye on what's going where.

If it later comes to light that your darling husband has been diddled then her own assets are at risk to make good what he's lost. (By the way for this, and various other reasons, I would be very reluctant to accept the role of executor unless I was a major beneficiary!)

It is certainly as I feared, that we are almost totally reliant on the honour of the sibling who may or may not want to do as the parents wish with their estate.
At least we know and can try to keep an eye on things when the time comes but it is a worry as we have zero relationship with the sibling, so handling the lack of trust and need for transparency will require hostage negotiator levels of diplomacy so as not to detonate a granade I think.
Oh dear. I talked about your advice with dh tonight, but we both agree we can't discuss this with his parents as telling them we fear they've made a bad choice cos we don't trust their other offspring to give us the cash after they've gone isn't exactly dinner table conversation and could cause a different massive upset.
Looks like we'll just have to have our wits about us and how for the best. 🙄

It is a shame that your DH's DP's do not appoint a firm of solicitors in this case. It would take away all worries about mishandling.

Yes, it would have been better all round, if nothing else to protect everyone from the toxic effects of mistrust, but they take the view both their children have been raised well so can be trusted to do the right thing (and maybe that's true). Not that this is what they've said, but that would be their take on it.

The tragedy is that the rift was not caused by either sibling in the first place but other people stoked a problem up. Then misunderstandings developed and the door was shut before those could be resolved.

So are your DHs parents not aware of the rift between their children? That seems odd?
Perhaps the way he could broach the subject would be to tell the tale of a (mythical) friend who had terrible problems with handling parents affairs and his a solicitor involved is a good idea.

They are well aware of the rift but I think they either totally trust the sibling to execute their wishes or don't realise the system can be exploited. Due to family dynamics this would be too sensitive an issue to discuss.

Perhaps the parents are hoping that having to work together on executing the will is an opportunity to get the misunderstanding sorted out.

@SwitcherMum

So are your DHs parents not aware of the rift between their children? That seems odd? Perhaps the way he could broach the subject would be to tell the tale of a (mythical) friend who had terrible problems with handling parents affairs and his a solicitor involved is a good idea.

That's a great suggestion, I'm not sure it could be done, I think it would be too obvious and look like we're being grabby and manipulative. We don't see them often and unless the topic naturally came up it would be a tricky one to shoe horn in /steer things to 'naturally' drop that in. I think they would be very offended we were trying to intefere in how they deal with their affairs.

@MintJulia

Perhaps the parents are hoping that having to work together on executing the will is an opportunity to get the misunderstanding sorted out.

I was hoping for that myself! Hoping sorting through their things, photos etc would bring back memories and at least put things on a 'can communicate' fitting if not exactly a prodigal return. But since dh has been taken out of the process that's a remote thing now.

Do you know what the relationship is (if any) between OH sibling and the executor?

If the sibling is so intransigent they might be hostile towards the executor.

Does your OH know the executor? Might be worth making contact and providing your contact details.

When my father died I understand that he had wanted to name his partners daughter as executor but he died before he could sort out his will. My sibling was hostile towards dad's partner & her adult children and tried to meddle to take his assets out of the partners home this was before his funeral had taken place. Partners daughter contacted me and said she wanted to hand the estate administration over to me. They were very helpful and cooperative to get me with knowledge info and documents. I had been estranged from my father (complicated) and hadn't seen him for 20 years living far away.Sister lived 10 miles from dad. Subsequently have a cordial relationship with dad's partner and daughter who I'd never met before. They were aware of my sister and her foibles.
My sister hounded me and accused me of all sorts of things to do with dad's estate. I kept meticulous records. His estate was pretty small and simple (no house). My sister took his car and bike, found out later she had sold them pocketing and not disclosing the proceeds. I have asked my mother to consider appointing a solicitor as I don't think I could face my sister's wrath again.

The executors can do whatever they want with the money. They should follow the instructions in the will but I deal with complaints for a bank and I’ve dealt with so many family disputes after a bereavement. It’s more common than you’d think for the executor to do what they want, then other family members have to spend lots of money taking legal action to try and reclaim their share which has already been spent. You’re right to be concerned

Absolutely this ^^

And while this Executors are personally liable for any maladministration of the estate is true ,I would love to hear from anyone who has managed to get redress for executors who have acted illegally .

What is important to you in inheriting? My friend was saddened to discover when her DH's mum died that her DH's great gran had left stuff to their kids (her will was in a file), namely furniture and household effects (some of historic interest family-wise, photos and the like) Nothing got to them, it all went to a step family, probably binned as of no interest.
If that's the case, I'd suggest your DH asks if he can through the family photo albums with his parents and take copies for the kids anything of interest, so your kids have an accurate historical family history. He can make notes and compile a living memory from his parents. He can say he wants to do this now so it's a record of what they remember, and so it's no hassle for sister later on given that he's no longer an executor of the will and that she's not speaking to him. Might make the parents think what else won't get to the kids....

@peridito

The executors can do whatever they want with the money. They should follow the instructions in the will but I deal with complaints for a bank and I’ve dealt with so many family disputes after a bereavement. It’s more common than you’d think for the executor to do what they want, then other family members have to spend lots of money taking legal action to try and reclaim their share which has already been spent. You’re right to be concerned

Absolutely this ^^

And while this Executors are personally liable for any maladministration of the estate is true ,I would love to hear from anyone who has managed to get redress for executors who have acted illegally .

There was a high value case earlier this year in which one of the executors was ordered to pay the estate £1.7M. The estate included a number of properties. The executor in question had used some of the properties without paying rent and had kept rent from other properties for himself.

Thanks prh .

I'm sure it's possible to hold an executor to account but I think it would involve an initial outlay in fees that is not possible for many.

I always think an awful lot of the whole will process is purely down to trust.

• how would anyone know if the deceased's or witnesses' signatures are real?
• how would anyone know if there's a subsequent will?
• how would anyone know, when someone appears to die intestate, that there was actually a will?
• How would anyone know if there were more beneficiaries than the executors paid, especially where no probate is required?
• How would anyone know if there was more money than the executors distributed?