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Original poster

Don't Know If I Am Liable.

35 replies

Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 13:44

Husband had a stroke 5 years ago. On the same day I found out he had been having an affair for some time.
He has post stroke epilepsy and cannot speak at all.

Yesterday, he tried to buy a car. He became very abusive when I tried to stop him and sulked all day. I am really struggling to cope at the moment. Today I gave in and gave him his credit card, because I have reached the stage where I can't cope anymore.What is bothering me is if he had an accident or, God forbid, hurt or killed someone, am I in any way liable because I gave him his credit card.

I have Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Finance.

OP posts:
DelicateFuckingFlower · 14/08/2021 13:45

Surely he no longer has a driving license? It will have been revoked on medical grounds, no?

pinkyredrose · 14/08/2021 13:46

Do you want to stay with him?

WeAreTheHeroes · 14/08/2021 13:46

Do DVLA know he has epilepsy? I may be wrong, but I believe he won't be fit to drive. He can own a car, just not drive it. You can tell him that if he gets behind the wheel you'll call the police.

SherryPalmer · 14/08/2021 13:48

Report him to the DVLA.

His medical condition doesn’t exclude him from BUYING a car so I don’t see what you could be liable for.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 13:51

In all the fuss and bother, when he came home from hospital, I should have informed the DVLA but didn't. I will do it on Monday and I have the phone number.

No, I don't want to stay with him. It was taken for granted that I would look after him when he came home from hospital. Very good idea to phone the police if he tries to drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 13:55

Forgot to say, he can't write either. How he will sign anything I just don't know.

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 14/08/2021 13:59

In that case he'll not be able to conclude the purchase unless they let him use something like Docusign to sign electronically.

You need some help for you clearly. I'm not sure who to recommend, but can you contact adult social services? It's not right that you've been pushed into this situation because of his stroke.

Fiddliestofsticks · 14/08/2021 13:59

He's not your responsibility.

He cheated on you. And now he is making your life shit.

Leave him. Call adult social services and let them deal with him. Take 50% of the money. Leave him with enough for them to sort him out once you're divorced.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:01

Thank you so much for answering me and the information. I have tried to get help in the past without much success. I will try again on Monday.

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 14/08/2021 14:07

He's been abusive - consider speaking to the police. Having had a stroke and being unable to speak doesn't give him carte blanche to behave appallingly. What happened to the person he had an affair with?

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:09

Fiddliestofsticks

I really like what you said. Thank you! Makes a lot of sense.

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 14/08/2021 14:12

You can ring the adult social services duty team, and ask for an assessment under the Care Act. I'd make it clear you're planning to leave, and that he's a danger to others because of the things he thinks and does - and that you've had enough of it. You should specifically mention he's abusive to you, and you're going because of it.

I wish you luck Flowers

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:17

SpindleWhorl

Thank you for the information. I will do it on Monday, because I have had enough. I don't even like him anymore, so that says a lot! He only cares about himself.

OP posts:
Blueskytoday06 · 14/08/2021 14:19

Is the OW still about? She can look after him. Don't let him tie up your money in a car, you'll want it in the divorce.

Blueskytoday06 · 14/08/2021 14:21

5 years! Shock

I don't know why you stayed that long.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:32

Blueskytoday06

I don't know why I stayed either. OW beat a hasty retreat as soon as he had the stroke!
I think Monday will be a huge day for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:36

Before I forget, (memory is shocking) thank you very much to everyone who has replied. It has made me see a different path that I can take.

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 14/08/2021 14:41

Do you know how to find the telephone number, OP? It's normally online, on your council's web page. You need to ask for a care assessment. They'll know what that is, but if you need to specify, it's a care needs assessment under the Care Act 2014.

You'll have to be clear that you're leaving and divorcing, so they can't bat it all back to you. Repeat and repeat: I'm leaving because he's abusive to me.

They usually aim to do a first assessment within 28 days. Can you last that long? Otherwise maybe get a key safe for the outside door frame and give Social Services the code, and they'll have to get a lick on.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:49

SpindleWhorl

I have just found the phone number. It was, as you say, listed in the council website. I will be clear with them, because there is no way I want to stay. I've lasted this long, I can last another 28 days. Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/08/2021 14:50

My neighbout had a TIA and her GP got her license suspended for 6 months. When she was recovered and fit to drive, she got it back.

Tell his GP right away that you think he's unfit to drive for medical reasons. The GP will inform DVLA and they will suspend his license . Then he's be driving with out a license and uninsured.

Or as last resort, inform police, same result.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 14:58

2bazookas.
I didn''t know that. Thank you. His GP is sick and tired of me phoning him, but I will. There is always something wrong with his medication (in husband's eyes) It is very difficult, because he can't speak and I don't understand anything he says, so I don't think the GP can. I will certainly phone the GP and tell him that he is not fit to drive.

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 14/08/2021 15:13

OP, it sounds like you've been badly abandoned by 'the system'. Like many, many others.

I think I'd use the weekend to

a) look at the Care Act, and see what you should be able to expect - your council website may have an explanation but also look at charities' website too like the Stroke Assocciation and Carers UK,

and b) note down the main points you want to get across in your initial phone call, so that you cover them all.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 14/08/2021 15:16

Please don’t let him drive OP, remove the keys

hatgirl · 14/08/2021 15:19

Has he got any other LPoAs?

Because it sounds like you need to ask the office public guardian to revoke yours at some point.

Whether you decide to that before or after his care needs have been sorted out is up to you.

Original poster
Mrsorganmorgan · 14/08/2021 15:31

Apparently he has mental capacity! SpindleWhorl - very good advice. I have hidden my car keys. (I can't drive anymore because I have AMD). He went out earlier and is back now. I assume he went to the garage to buy a car. No car in sight. Very pleased about that, but I don't know how far he has pursued this because he can't speak.

OP posts: