Court for child arrangements

[Purpinks]

Hi there

Dp has applied to the court through his solicitor for child arrangements. He's been to mediation with his ex and she won't budge so solicitor says this is the next best step.

So bit of background, dp and his exw have been seperated for 5 1/2 years and dp has had ds eow, plus 1 night during week since then. Dp has had ds during school holidays as much as exw will allow, it seems to be on her terms as she doesn't seem to think they should share contact during school holidays. Dp has never been able to have his ds at Christmas, it's exw birthday on Xmas eve and she believes her children should be with her to celebrate this.

Dp is basically fed up of only having access when it suits his ex so wants child arrangements to be made legal. What he will be asking for is to carry on with seeing ds eow, but also half of the school holidays and for those dates to be confirmed a year in advance. He also wants alternate Christmas.

How do you think the courts will view this? Or anyone been through something similar?

@Cleverpolly3

And also it’s not being at his Mum’s it’s being at his actual home

No it's his mums house, where we live is his Dad's house. Both are is home.

Sparemonitor, so incase on the off-chance he might feel resentful in years to come he shouldn't maintain the regular contact he has with his son now? His ds wants to be here.

Nothing his Dad has done has ever made him feel that he has a 'new family' that is more important. He's only ever made him feel loved and wanted.

I don't think parents should move 70 miles away from their children. It means that the contact always has to be on the terms of the absent parent not the child and it would be a bit of a red flag for me if a partner was prepared to move that far from his child. How would you feel if you split up and he moved 70 miles away from you and your joint kids?

It's done now, but I would find a way to maintain some sort of a base so he can go and do contact near where his son lives when needed.

[quote Cleverpolly3]@Purpinks

You have an older child
Wasn’t part of the reason you didn’t relocate based on her life and needs as an adolescent?

Enough said[/quote]
Not really worth a response, but ok.

I move my child, she changes schools, she moves away from her friends, her family and would have to start a life in a new town at a very delicate age.

Dp moves here then nothing changes for his ds in terms of where he goes to school, where he lives, the proximity to friends. He still has the same regular contact with his Dad

Completely uncomparible. Enough said

@Purpinks

Really?
Not worth a response? Is that because I’m annoying you with a few reality checks?
Try telling your DP’s kid that in the not too distant future when he’s hostage to toe families and what they want out of him

A models approaching shared care outside of tent time is absolutely as disruptive in many ways

I repeat. This is not about you or your partner

So his dad is moving 70 miles away and dropping the night in the week of contact yet you are casting all kinds of aspersions about his mum? .

Shit happens and people have no choice but to move. Ime. I was driving 500 miles a week keeping to the original court order when I moved 30 miles away. Went back to court and had a rejuggle. Judge said blocks of time with each parent was better anyway.
Couple of years later the dc moved here ft with me. Moving didn't damage our relationship... Exh wrecked his trying to wreck mine..
Karma.

Well I guess he didn't have much option as Purpinks didn't want to move her daughter. What was he supposed to do? Stay near his current child and leave his current relationship and new born child? I can't see the poor guy had much choice!

Maybe someone can tell me where I am wrong?

@Skeptadad

Well I guess he didn't have much option as Purpinks didn't want to move her daughter. What was he supposed to do? Stay near his current child and leave his current relationship and new born child? I can't see the poor guy had much choice!

Maybe someone can tell me where I am wrong?

Maybe he should have set his distance on tinder closer to home?

The child wasn't expected. Default setting isn't blame the dad you know!

@Skeptadad

Well I guess he didn't have much option as Purpinks didn't want to move her daughter. What was he supposed to do? Stay near his current child and leave his current relationship and new born child? I can't see the poor guy had much choice!

Maybe someone can tell me where I am wrong?

Not rush off and start a new family but prioritise the child he had already? Make it clear to any new partner that staying within 10 miles of his current son was non-negotiable?

He didn't deliberately start a new family see above. He is honouring commitments to a family he didn't think he was creating.

This sounds like overstretching in an attempt to blame the dad.

My bottom line reading of this situation is that Purpinks should have considered moving to where her partners son was living. It would have been crap for her daughter but I would suggest the relationship between son and father should have prioritised short term problems for daughter.

I am reading between the lines that this is a really nice guy but gets pushed around a lot. I wish him well.

Where in any of my posts have I said I met dp on tinder?

We didn't meet on a dating app, neither of us were looking for a new relationship.

I wouldn't move area because my daughter is settled doing very well at school here. She also has anxiety issues and ocd brought on by emetaphobia and has weekly therapy sessions which took over 18 months of waiting for. She needs continuity and the support of not just myself but the many family members that live near by. Dp understands this and always knew that moving to his town wasn't a solution.