Changing children’s surnames to double barrelled. How much chance do I have?

[rainysunnyMay]

After a long time of building up the courage, I finally asked my ex if he would agree to change our children’s names to have both of our surnames. They currently just have his. I’d like to have my surname added so that it is double barrelled.

He’s not keen on the idea, which I expected to be honest. But I have my reasons which I have fully explained to him, and he said he will think about it.

If he still says no, and I have to apply through the courts, how much chance do I have here? I know they are very strict about it. I do not want to erase their father’s name and that’s not what this is about. So when it comes to double barrelling, are the courts more accepting of this as the name will ultimately have both names instead of just replacing one?

Has anyone else gone through this process?

I wish I had some answers for you as this is something I'd like to do. DD dad has of course refused. But she only got his surname because we were supposed to get married. Hopefully we can get advise soon 🤞🏼

I'm pretty sure that you can't change a minor's name unless both parents consent. I'm double-barrelling my children's at the moment and you need a signature from both parents that has to be sworn in front of a solicitor plus a reason why it's in the child's best interest.

They can change it themselves when they're an adult but I think you'll just have to hope he changes his mind.

No chance if he doesn't consent

IDK, my older DC chose to change their name to mine when they were ~11 but there father was untraceable by that stage so it was fairly easy.

I wonder if more women applying would help get the issue recognised more given that a lot of DC end up with their Dad’s name in the way @mamaweebeastie describes? Men who manipulate situations with promises of marriage and then renege.

Their not there^

@BobFlemingHere

No chance if he doesn't consent

This is simply not true! I changed my DSs surname by deed poll with his father's permission (who was on the birth certificate) - all done through a solicitor so definitely legal. (Unless the law has changed?)

@stillcrazyafterall so in your case the father consented.

I knew mine would never consent (zero contact) so I just double barrelled the dc's on all the unofficial paperwork. I was fed up being called Mrs XP.
School do use the double barrelled version these days. They have passports in his surname but we've never been aboard so will never know if I'm questioned.

@stillcrazyafterall so he consented.

I said if he doesn't consent, there's no chance. The courts think very poorly about mothers trying to change names without the fathers consent. It just doesn't happen.

Thank you for the replies.

mamaweebeastie I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing. How far have you got with it all?
I just fell for the whole “children have their dad’s surname” thing and I very much regret it now. I didn’t know if we would ever marry, but I just went for what I thought was the done thing. Deep down I’ve never been happy with it.

There is also a huge backstory to all of this too, and I think taking it all in to consideration it will be in my children’s best interests.

Obviously it’s not for me to decide. And judging by the responses, the courts seem to be very black and white and don’t take individual circumstances in to consideration. Seems like they like to tar mothers all with the same brush.

Like I said, this isn’t about me erasing their father’s name.

I'm surprised that some on this thread feel able to be so definitive. That is rarely the court's approach in children cases. Everything will depend on your reasons for why it is best for the children. What either parent wants as a personal preference is far less relevant. If your reasons are well-motivated there is every chance you could be successful.

I just fell for the whole “children have their dad’s surname” thing

I know this doesn't help,you now, but traditionally babies have their mother's surname. So if married it can match the father's.

This was eroded a bit recently (from about 1980s onwards) when the rise in non-marital cohabitation really began. But as is seen all too often, abandoning that tradition can cause difficulties.

elb yes, I did look into it some years ago and it appeared to be slightly possible to add the mums surname without contacting the dad, there was some way of appealing to the court, I've forgotten the details. I never risked it though. Removing the dad's name was a total no go sadly.

I know this doesn't help,you now, but traditionally babies have their mother's surname. So if married it can match the father's.

I always knew when my children were born that they had my surname. I just thought the tradition was that it changed to the father’s surname once registering the birth. I’ll admit, at the time of registering each birth I thought it was unfair but I didn’t want to anger anyone.

@meditrina

I just fell for the whole “children have their dad’s surname” thing

I know this doesn't help,you now, but traditionally babies have their mother's surname. So if married it can match the father's.

This was eroded a bit recently (from about 1980s onwards) when the rise in non-marital cohabitation really began. But as is seen all too often, abandoning that tradition can cause difficulties.

Are you sure? That sounds unlikely to me - especially given that pre 1980s most children would have been born to married couples and there was still a huge stigma about children born out of wedlock and young single mothers being coerced to give up their children for adoption?

Sorry OP - not helpful to you. I also fell into the same trap of thinking it was the 'done thing' for dc to have dads surname and we'd be married someday. I really regret it now too but zero chance of changing so I put it out of my mind most of the time.

Are you sure? That sounds unlikely to me - especially given that pre 1980s most children would have been born to married couples and there was still a huge stigma about children born out of wedlock and young single mothers being coerced to give up their children for adoption?

What a strange thing to question. She is completely correct. Unmarried women and their DC frequently show up on parish records that are 200 or 300 years old. Women who were able to have kept their children throughout history.

Fair enough, I clearly don't know enough about this historically.

Sorry that was a bit snappy of me, but she IS completely correct and it is an MRA trope to insist otherwise.

don’t take individual circumstances in to consideration. Seems like they like to tar mothers all with the same brush

The courts do take individual circumstances into consideration. They do not tar all mothers with the same brush. The courts rarely agree to a name change without the consent of everyone with PR, but rarely is not the same as never. It needs strong evidence that the change of name is in the child's best interests. I'm afraid your desire to have your children's name double-barrelled does not get anywhere near the standard of evidence required.

That's interesting ricki, I didn't know that either. I couldn't be farther from an MRA and certainly don't want to sound like one!

@BewareTheBeardedDragon

That's interesting ricki, I didn't know that either. I couldn't be farther from an MRA and certainly don't want to sound like one!

No I’m sure you don’t.

I forget not everyone else likes diving around in archives.

From deedpolloffice.com (as you are not removing the fathers name, just adding yours, it is likely a court will agree. Check with a family law solicitor).

Try to reach a compromise

If your child has their other parent's surname, and you want to take it away and replace it with your own surname, then it’s quite likely that the other parent won’t agree.

Consider just adding your own surname— to make a double-barrelled surname— and thus not removing any names. You don’t have to have a hyphen between the two surnames, and you can arrange them in any order. Using the surnamesSmithandJones, for example, you could choose from:

Smith-Jones
Smith Jones
Jones-Smith
Jones Smith

@CoffeeBeansGalore

From deedpolloffice.com (as you are not removing the fathers name, just adding yours, it is likely a court will agree. Check with a family law solicitor).

Try to reach a compromise

If your child has their other parent's surname, and you want to take it away and replace it with your own surname, then it’s quite likely that the other parent won’t agree.

Consider just adding your own surname— to make a double-barrelled surname— and thus not removing any names. You don’t have to have a hyphen between the two surnames, and you can arrange them in any order. Using the surnamesSmithandJones, for example, you could choose from:

Smith-Jones
Smith Jones
Jones-Smith
Jones Smith

Deed Poll Office is a commercial company selling documents to change your name. The documents they sell are ones you can easily generate yourself for free - the government website even gives you the correct wording.

The section of their website you quote does not say the court is likely to agree to double barrelling. It suggests that may be a way to reach a compromise with the other parent. As the page from which you quote says further down, "Courts tend to refuse any changes to a child’s surname".

From a Family Law firm

The Outcome of Court Proceedings

It’s common for the Family Court to agree for a child’s surname to be changed to a double barrel, to include the surnames of the separated parents. This is usually the fairest result and it means that each parent has an equally strong role in their child’s life.

Our Family and Child Law Solicitors have many years’ of experience in dealing with disputes over children and can help you.