Help with what is fair regarding assets and marriage

[Oldname]

Hi
I'm hoping to get some objective advice so will try to be factual rather than emotional. My husband and I have been married for six months but stupidly didn't discuss this before marriage, he's currently not living with me while we work this issue out.
I have a mortgage and live with my two children from a previous relationship ( ages are 9 and 7). House is worth approx £150k with £125k remaining on the mortgage.
Husband has a mortgage on another house which his ex lives in with her partner and son ( son is 23 and not biologically my husbands but has been brought up as such). This house is in negative equity and worth approximately £50k.
My husband wants us to legally make both houses 50/50 owned by each of us. The difficulty I have with that is that if we split up I'm potentially back to renting as not enough equity in my house to buy again.
Additionally if everything works out I would want my children to inherit my house and his stepson to inherit his. My husband doesn't feel this is fair as he will have lived with us in my house and invested time and money into it so his stepson should benefit from that.
This is turning out to be a dealbreaker for both of us but I was hoping to get objective advice on whether I'm being unfair.
Thanks for any replies.

Well given that you have married him already, surely this ship may well have sailed?! Once you get married I think the default position is joint ownership despite what deeds may say. Sorry to be unhelpful but what on earth where you thinking getting married before protecting your assets for your children? If this disagreement did end your marriage then it’s been so brief I imagine he would have no claim on your property but I think you need legal advice and quickly.

Is your husbands ex on the mortgage and/or deeds of the other house? And does she or her adult child or partner pay him any rent?

I have no legal background but this is ringing all sorts of alarm bells for me. Keep your houses separate and make sure you protect yourself from him having a claim on your house.

@MayorGoodwaysChicken she isn't on the mortgage but pays him the monthly mortgage payment

@MayorGoodwaysChicken I thought because we had our respective assets prior to marriage that meant we would keep them in the event of a divorce.

I’m not a lawyer but as you are married I would say both houses are joint assets.
You are very daft not to figure this out before you got married but it’s too late for that so check with a lawyer now.

If the marriage is short lived you will probably keep all your own assets. If longer then a court would probably decide to split them. Houses, pensions, savings etc.

Hang on, am I reading that right? Is the 23 year old going to be living with you? And your H thinks you should leave part of your house to him?
Bloody Hell woman, wise up.

And I think your husband is out for all he can get.

What was the financial settlement in his divorce - does his ex get the house/a share of the house at some point? Do you know? He may not have the right to change ownership, even if it's what he wamts to do.

And I agree he sounds dodgy. Take legal advice.

He wasn't married to his ex so no financial settlement. The 23 year old lives with his mother and her partner in husbands house.

Forget that. His house is in negative equity. So he’s taking away from you not bringing anything to the party.

Make sure your will is watertight.

Well currently his house isn’t an asset, it’s a debt. He’s asking you to take on half his debt and in return you give him half your house. Really?! Take his house out of the equation - it’s in negative equity so you would be better off giving him half your house and leaving him to own his, compared to what he’s suggesting.

Why does he feel entitled to half your house? Does he contribute to the mortgage because if he has proof of that then I think he can make a claim towards it. This could get very messy very quickly and you should act fast to sort it out before the marriage gets any longer and his claim on your assets gets any larger. Surely your marriage is pretty tainted now anyway, given that he’s been clear he’s after your money. I would have zero respect for any man who tried to take financial advantage of a single mother. Unless there’s a huge drip feed and he’s been paying your mortgage for several years or something.

@crabbyoldbat

And I agree he sounds dodgy. Take legal advice.

Yeah - on how to divorce!

It's a very short marriage and you have children to house. There's no way a judge would rule a 50/50 split of assets owned pre-marriage.

He screwed his ex as well didn't he - getting her to pay a mortgage on a property she doesn't own. I'd be advising her to move out and leave him to it.

Also why is your husband worried about who to leave his house to? He’s talking about it as if it’s an asset! Surely a house in negative equity just goes to the bank if the owner dies, there is literally nothing to leave to anyone!

@MayorGoodwaysChicken no I've always paid my mortgage. I've only had the mortgage for two years.
His argument is that he needs security as currently it's my house and I could kick him out at any time.

@titchy she's only recently started to pay the mortgage. She's been living in in for about a year without paying anything as he owed her mother money that's borrowed during their relationship

Once you get married I think the default position is joint ownership despite what deeds may say. People say things like this a lot on these threads and it's wrong. Getting married doesn't change anything about ownership of assets. If your spouse moves into a home that you own then it remains your home. What marriage does do in that scenario is: (a) give the non owning spouse matrimonial home rights which protect the right to live in the property; (b) creates the potential for the home to form part of the 'pot' of assets that may be divided on divorce (whether it will be divided will depend very much on other circumstances and is extremely unlikely after such a short time). I think these two conseqences, especially the latter, confuse people into thinking that ownership changes on marriage but it does not.

Ah ok @Mia85 I stand corrected. But the point is that marriage makes a difference, that’s why women on here who live in a Partners home without being married are told to get married because they’re vulnerable.

Your husband is kind of in that position OP so I can see why he wants to protect his input into your house going forward. Women on here would be advised the same. But his suggestion is not the fair way to do that as it massively disadvantages you and gives him hugely more than he has yet contributed. Why don’t you draw up a legal agreement that the equity at the time of marriage is yours and any increased equity doing forwards is shared if both of you pay the mortgage? I have no idea but I’m sure something like that could be done-but you need legal advice. If he is only interested if you sign over half your existing equity and take on half his debt then that will tell your all you need to know about his intentions towards you.

Or perhaps you continue to pay the mortgage and he uses his money to pay off the negative equity in his house. That way the overall marriage pot is increasing and both of your individual situations improve too. It’s not your fault he came into the marriage with debt, surely he expects to still have to deal with that!

Why doesn’t he overpay on the mortgage and take out a whole of life policy to ensure his child gets an additional lump sum (I assume he has life cover on the mortgage anyway).

What rings alarm bells for me is potentially his attitude towards (other people’s) money. He borrowed from his exes mum and now wants your equity. His ex is paying his mortgage too.

Remember the older you get the harder it will be to buy him out of your house as your mortgage term will need to be shorter. Look after your own interests (and your 2 children’s), personally I think I’d take legal advice and look to walk away while the marriage is short. I wouldn’t want to risk my children’s home.

he owed her mother money that's borrowed during their relationship

So he borrowed off his ex MIL as well!!!!

He sounds a peach...

I thought because we had our respective assets prior to marriage that meant we would keep them in the event of a divorce
Are you in Scotland? Otherwise, you thought wrong.

Marriage means sharing everything, for the better and worse remember? Every day men marry women who bring less into the marriage and risk losing half of what was sokely theirs before. They do it because they live the woman they wanted as a wife and part of that love is offering them security. Why would it be different in your case?

Ultimately, if you decide to divorce already, indeed, it is likely you'll leave with what you have but otherwise, it really doesn't matter who is in what deeds, your marriage makes it all assets of the marriage.

Has he actually lived in your house with you since you've been married?