Help with what is fair regarding assets and marriage

[Oldname]

Hi
I'm hoping to get some objective advice so will try to be factual rather than emotional. My husband and I have been married for six months but stupidly didn't discuss this before marriage, he's currently not living with me while we work this issue out.
I have a mortgage and live with my two children from a previous relationship ( ages are 9 and 7). House is worth approx £150k with £125k remaining on the mortgage.
Husband has a mortgage on another house which his ex lives in with her partner and son ( son is 23 and not biologically my husbands but has been brought up as such). This house is in negative equity and worth approximately £50k.
My husband wants us to legally make both houses 50/50 owned by each of us. The difficulty I have with that is that if we split up I'm potentially back to renting as not enough equity in my house to buy again.
Additionally if everything works out I would want my children to inherit my house and his stepson to inherit his. My husband doesn't feel this is fair as he will have lived with us in my house and invested time and money into it so his stepson should benefit from that.
This is turning out to be a dealbreaker for both of us but I was hoping to get objective advice on whether I'm being unfair.
Thanks for any replies.

@Shmithecat2 he lived with us for about a year prior to getting married then moved out at Christmas due to arguing

@dontdisturbmenow I thought it was different in this case because we are older and both came to the marriage with our own assets so I saw the marriage more as a loving commitment than me giving him my assets, which I don't think would be an issue if our positions were more equal

[quote Oldname]@dontdisturbmenow I thought it was different in this case because we are older and both came to the marriage with our own assets so I saw the marriage more as a loving commitment than me giving him my assets, which I don't think would be an issue if our positions were more equal [/quote]
When you marry, all assets belonging to both of you are in the pot to be divided. However, length of marriage, what you each brought to marriage (financially and in terms of any childcare) and your positions regarding children to be housed are taken into account. In your case you have children to support, he has a house and has a salary, and the marriage is short and your equity is low and you don't now live together. So highly unlikely a judge would order you give him a chunk of your house. But don't stay married too long...

[quote Oldname]@dontdisturbmenow I thought it was different in this case because we are older and both came to the marriage with our own assets so I saw the marriage more as a loving commitment than me giving him my assets, which I don't think would be an issue if our positions were more equal [/quote]
Did you have any basis for your “thoughts”?
It’s not about what you think or how you see things unfortunately, it’s about The Law.
OP I don’t think you have gone into this with your eyes open and you have made dangerous assumptions

After such a short marriage I think you should just each keep the property you own and take over that mortgage.

If you divorce now you’re likely to be able to hang on to your house. The longer you stay married the less likely that will be.

If you don’t already have a will that explicitly leaves your assets to your DC you need to do it now. You can type something up today and have it signed and witnessed immediately. Leave it with your parents or a friend. Otherwise your house is going to tour DH in the event of your death.

@PegasusReturns

If you divorce now you’re likely to be able to hang on to your house. The longer you stay married the less likely that will be.

If you don’t already have a will that explicitly leaves your assets to your DC you need to do it now. You can type something up today and have it signed and witnessed immediately. Leave it with your parents or a friend. Otherwise your house is going to tour DH in the event of your death.

That probably wouldn't be a legally recognised will.

I've already written and signed my will to leave everything to my children, post marriage.
I know I've been very naive and stupid and I didn't think of any of this before, I just focussed on the getting married and thought we would stay together. I'm aware that was stupid now.

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

Well given that you have married him already, surely this ship may well have sailed?! Once you get married I think the default position is joint ownership despite what deeds may say. Sorry to be unhelpful but what on earth where you thinking getting married before protecting your assets for your children? If this disagreement did end your marriage then it’s been so brief I imagine he would have no claim on your property but I think you need legal advice and quickly.

Common misconceptions #287 - that when you marry everything becomes instantly joint property.

@Mia85

Once you get married I think the default position is joint ownership despite what deeds may say. People say things like this a lot on these threads and it's wrong. Getting married doesn't change anything about ownership of assets. If your spouse moves into a home that you own then it remains your home. What marriage does do in that scenario is: (a) give the non owning spouse matrimonial home rights which protect the right to live in the property; (b) creates the potential for the home to form part of the 'pot' of assets that may be divided on divorce (whether it will be divided will depend very much on other circumstances and is extremely unlikely after such a short time). I think these two conseqences, especially the latter, confuse people into thinking that ownership changes on marriage but it does not.

This is correct.

His proposal makes no sense. He'd be better off declaring bankruptcy and walking away from the £50k debt. As soon as you agree to do as he asks you turn your £25k asset in to a half share of a net £25k debt.

I'm never known for saying stuff like this here, but I wouldn't be having him back if I were you.

He doesn’t have any security?? He could go and live in his house

I’d get advice from an insolvency practitioner - if you’re married and he declares himself bankrupt wouldn’t the trustee come after his “share” of the matrimonial (your) home?

MooseBeTimeForSummer He doesn't have a share of the OPs home so how could the trustee come after it?

Cut your losses and proceed with a divorce so you have the best chance of coming out of a short marriage without having to share your assets. A judge, given it’s a short marriage and you don’t share children, is likely to see both of you returned to your respective positions before the marriage.

Unfortunately, it sounds like the relationship is doomed so no point throwing good money (and emotions!) after bad by trotting it flounder on for a few more years. Get a divorce, and protect your assets for your children’s futures.

Make sure your will is watertight

What you write in your will is irrelevant if you are married and don't leave your spouse provided for, either in the form of a trust for your children and him a life interest (to remain living there) or something similar. Your current will can be challenged by him under the inheritance act.

Frankly I would just divorce him and start again. It looks to be a cheaper option to me. Don't let him back in the house to pay things until this is sorted out. As your marriage has been only 6 months you are likely to keep your assets on divorce, but you are walking a very rocky path the longer you are married.

I agree he sounds as though he is a financial disaster area and is looking to you to sort it out.

Your current will can be challenged by him under the inheritance act

Not in the circumstances the OP has explained it can’t.

@PegasusReturns Definitely not in the circumstances as they are, but if, as she says, she wants a loving (presumably long) marriage and her husband is saying he will be paying into the house etc etc (his reasoning for wanting 50/50), she will not be able to write him out of her will.

@notagainmummy again that is not correct.

The circumstances of any future set up are not clear from the OPs posts, so you can’t possibly say she will not be able to write him out of his will. There are many situations where it’s possible.

@PegasusReturns
Just as there are many situations where she can’t. Neither of us know the future, but normally when people marry they intent to have a long future together 🤷🏻‍♀️

The point is @notagainmummy you’ve twice come to this thread with a definitive pronouncement of a legal position that simply is not true. It’s unhelpful to the OP and infuriating for those who do know the law in this area

goodness OP this is not good.

@PegasusReturns. I note that you have been told your advice re a will has also been challenged by someone other than me?

I’ve said very clearly, and will repeat to you, that if this marriage survives and they stay married for a considerable time, (NOT for the current 6 months) writing a will excluding a husband who has no other financial support, will NOT be upheld. I am currently in this position and I have won that side of the case.

I’ve said she should divorce him because the longer she leaves this situation running and allows him to move back, in the more she risks her children’s inheritance being held in trust.

I note that you have been told your advice re a will has also been challenged by someone other than me?

So? Loads of people post absolute drivel about wills and divorce on these types of threads.

I don’t know how people aren’t embarrassed 🤷‍♀️

Fuck no, you are not being unfair, do everything you can to protect your own property.

Your husband is being crazy to bother causing this much grief over so little equity anyway. How does he think that is going to provide him with any more security than just not being an arse in his marriage?

His contribution to your house is to provide for a roof over his head and presumably a nice comfortable environment to be in for himself and his wife. He doesn’t get to claim that paying his own way entitles him to have an inheritance for his son.

You’re being very fair!
He’s getting a great deal - one woman paying off his mortgage on a negative equity property and the hard earned equity of another.

Presumably if you broke up he could just go and live in his OWN house. His ex and partner shouldn’t factor into this calculation at all - in fact is what he’s doing even legal?