Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Child contact

32 replies

MaybeLost · 23/02/2021 03:10

Hi,

To cut a long story short I’m looking for advice please, I’ve been separated for over a year now and while we did at one point try to work through our marriage issues it has broken down. My Wife and I attended mediation and while I’ve only ever wanted to have contact for two weekends per month she just won’t budge and is currently sticking to the point of making me see them when I’m not working for an hour per day before they go to sleep in her house.

I will just like to get any opinion on this and if anyone has had similar issues. All I ask is to be able to be a father not just sit and watch them for maybe 3hrs per week in there mother house.

They are both younger than 7 and she has said she believe little and often contact is now the best recommended route with young children.

I’ve got until next week to decide to take a legal route or pay for another mediation session when all she is trying to to is control me. She had 3 older children who stay with their father 3 nights per week and have done for nearly 8 years since the youngest was 1, however he is a solicitor.

Any help would be appreciated! One lost daddy!

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeLost · 01/03/2021 23:31

Well she certainly didn’t raise any issues of any wrong doing during mediation other than she thinks the children are safer with her to which the mediator asked her about that response and she just said “I don’t feel like they’re not safe at all with their daddy just I feel this is there home etc. Which is a safe environment”

Doesn’t want to start all that! This is hard enough!

I hope it’s defo the latter! But hey! Who knows what she will try next??!

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 01/03/2021 23:35

You haven't mentioned maintenance. As it stands at the moment with no overnights doesn't that mean the maximum is payable? Is there any chance that is also driving the current situation?

Original poster
MaybeLost · 02/03/2021 00:06

@TheTeenageYears

You haven't mentioned maintenance. As it stands at the moment with no overnights doesn't that mean the maximum is payable? Is there any chance that is also driving the current situation?
Not sure! I pay full maintenance due to my income and again a good question?

I’m paying a lot of money however I don’t mind this as it’s for my children.
This will change and she may know this but really? Another point for her to stop this? I just want to see my babies. They want to see their daddy.

OP posts:
Skeptadad · 02/03/2021 11:35

That’s great! I pay a fortune in CMS every month (far more than sustenance) and my ex has sold all my child’s designer baby stuff I bought (bugaboo etc) but I still see it as my responsibility. Just because she can’t act appropriately doesn’t mean I should act inappropriately.

There this weird thing that child arrangements are driven by CMS. I will lose a lot more than 14% of my NET income by taking up shared care. You would hope a primary carer would be able to earn far more than 14% of someone’s salary by working themselves.

It’s a shame when you only have one parent putting their child’s needs first.

Good luck to you! Let me know if there is anything I can do to help I am 18 months into this process now.

Original poster
MaybeLost · 02/03/2021 16:37

@Skeptadad

That’s great! I pay a fortune in CMS every month (far more than sustenance) and my ex has sold all my child’s designer baby stuff I bought (bugaboo etc) but I still see it as my responsibility. Just because she can’t act appropriately doesn’t mean I should act inappropriately.

There this weird thing that child arrangements are driven by CMS. I will lose a lot more than 14% of my NET income by taking up shared care. You would hope a primary carer would be able to earn far more than 14% of someone’s salary by working themselves.

It’s a shame when you only have one parent putting their child’s needs first.

Good luck to you! Let me know if there is anything I can do to help I am 18 months into this process now.

Wow!!! Thanks for the advice and I shall certainly keep you in mind if I get stuck along the way. Appreciate it Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeLost · 24/03/2021 17:45

@MaybeLost

Well she certainly didn’t raise any issues of any wrong doing during mediation other than she thinks the children are safer with her to which the mediator asked her about that response and she just said “I don’t feel like they’re not safe at all with their daddy just I feel this is there home etc. Which is a safe environment”

Doesn’t want to start all that! This is hard enough!

I hope it’s defo the latter! But hey! Who knows what she will try next??!

Quick update...

Had my interview yesterday with Cafcass and she has raised loads of issues from our relationship which ended in 2019 due to basically a very volatile and controlling(both parties) relationship. She has lied about many many things and I explained all this to the SW. She even said I hadn’t made constant maintenance payments yet I told the SW I’ve got all my bank statements to prove this is again a lie.

The SW couldn’t believe when I told her I work in Children’s residential services for the local council. The SW has said that there are no safeguarding concerns and can’t understand why she isn’t letting me have contact.

My ex has said she’s take legal advice and I would be allowed 1 24hr period and every 2 weeks with them coming for their tea once in between.

The SW was very confused as to why my ex is controlling the situation and has called for a section 7 report to be completed to look at the emotional aspects of our relationship as she said it still very confusing once the hearing on the 7th has been listened to in court.

All very confused and I can go into more details if required.

Should I be worried about this as it’s all new? I do have legal representation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeLost · 24/03/2021 17:49

@Ostryga

Yeah that’s not good. She’s using the children as a way to see you and spend time with you. Not great.

I’d definitely be gearing up for court tbh. And they will likely offer EOW and a weeknight that you have the children at your house. Obviously if the children are under 1 this will be built up to. But still not at her house.

Make sure you log everything, keep a diary of all the times you have asked for contact and she has refused, keep all texts and emails and try not to have any conversations re the children by phone or face to face. You need proof of what she is doing.

Good luck!

The SW questioned this yesterday... she said “Its almost like she is confusing the children by sending mixed messages to them as she’s wanting you to come to the house” Which is why she has questioned the relationship side.

Totally lost and confused yet all this takes time.

I’m also wondering if I can request my solicitor asks for an interim court order if the SW doesn’t have any safeguarding concerns?

Lots of questions!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page