DH is dying, what do we need to do now?

[Nopreservatives]

To make things easier, with regard to practicalities, when he goes?

I hope that doesn't sound callous, it's always been a coping mechanism of mine to "do" something in difficult times.

We have mirror wills leaving everything to each other. Executors are me and 2 (just) adult DC.

We own the house, mortgage free and have some savings some joint, some sole accounts. No life cover, not needed, both able to earn an independent living.

He has occupational pensions from two previous jobs and his current one.

Cars owned one in each name, no credit.

Utilities a mixture of in his name and mine.

Is there anything we should sort out now rather than afterwards?

Sorry to hear this OP.

I would ensure all money is held in joint names so you can still have access to it. Any accounts in his sole name will be frozen.

Make sure you have passwords/emails/user names/numeric codes etc for his accounts (bank, investments, pensions etc), email, phone, computer, tablets. And move anything in his name, like utilities, into yours now so you don’t have to have do the repeated “he’s died” call. It’s horrible.

Talk to him about an specific funeral plans including music if you can bear to.

If he is able to, and would like to, get him to write letters or make recordings for people.

Put his car in your name if you can (you’ll have to notify insurers when you do), so you can sell it without having to transfer ownership after death.

Would a power of attorney be useful for financial and/or medical decisions in due course? Or at least an expression of wishes about his treatment?

The thing I hated most when this happened were.
His phone was locked for ever.
His email accounts were locked.
He died suddenly and we had very few nice pictures of him, with people he loved.
Talk about his memories of places and times, even record them
His voice, I so miss his voice.

This was something I did as well, I had a little 'to do' book and listed all the things to do when he did eventually die, some were taken care of prior to that, ideally everything where his signature/confirming things over the phone would be helpful although you can do this later on, so everything can be sorted eventually. Lots of good advice already on this thread.

I also wrote down the funeral directors name and phone number, as you are supposed to find someone pretty quickly if the body has to be removed from the hospital/hospice. Good to think this though, he may or may not want to choose them, or choose aspects of the service- not everyone would want to plan the whole thing in advance, but having some idea of whether someone wants a ceremony, burial/cremation, particular songs or music all helps.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, such a difficult path to tread, I think you are being very sensible though focusing on practical things, you can focus on emotions too, and it just means hopefully you won't be caught out or have more stress once he does finally die.

I think someone else has already mentioned it, but passwords to devices very important, especially if photos on there. Social media, if he's into Facebook or whatever, sometimes can be the only way to contact harder to reach friends or those internationally, can be really handy if you have a password to that just to put on a post that he's died (after you have told all the important people face to face or over the phone). Also- up to date phone lists or emails for everyone, this is very hard to organize I found as my husband had a lot of friends, and lots of those friends weren't my friends but were from his college days, or uni, or work colleagues, so I didn't have their numbers or contact details myself (or even know their surnames!) Think how you will spread the information- so is there a work colleague that can tell everyone, a uni friend who can inform a friendship group, or perhaps a relative that can phone around for you. You don't want to have to make 100's of phone calls when you are distressed.

I lost a father figure last year; he’d written everything the above people had suggested (pensions, passports, outstanding debts, etc). He also wrote an order of service, said he didn’t eat flowers but donation to BHF. Also a list of who he thought should be told first and in what order (he listed a particular friend who had agreed to inform other friends - took pressure off me and my mother). These are thing that people might not want to consider as priority but important.

That was all fine. But the best thing he did was write a private letter to me and one for my mum. Very personal details in them - about how proud he was etc. If your children are just adults, it may be something they appreciate.

I’m sorry for your expected loss OP. I hope the rest of the time you have together is incredible.

Yes, absolutely make sure that you will have access to any photos he might have on his computer, the cloud, or hosting sites.

I regularly upload my own family photos to an external hard drive, so that if anything happens to me, my daughters have copies easily available to them. They already know where that is kept.

I haven't given them the password for my computer/emails etc, and won't, as I think I deserve some privacy in death. For instance, when my computer is logged into, MN is automatically loaded with me logged in!

I agree with all the practical things above. Getting that all sorted will hopefully allow you to be more present so wise to get it done.

Sounds a little odd but make sure you have some sort of recording of his voice and keep it safe. If your DC aren't yet married or have children, having something, however small, from him saved away to give to them on those days will be so meaningful for them.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Money saving expert has some good advice on practicalities in this situation as well as if it were more imminent. They recommend resources and provide warnings about common pitfalls. Hope that helps. Again I’m so sorry.

Anything in his name (bills) to yours.

Have you planned the funeral, what music, who there etc. Does he have any items he wishes to leave to specific individuals.

What could you do to make his last days the best you can?

and totally understand the need to be busy and practical. Sending best wishes.

I am so sorry to hear this devastating news. The only thing I can add to your sensible practical list is that you have signed permission on his medical records to here and deal with his medical business on his behalf.

You need to get Lasting Power of Attorney for both financial affairs and health & welfare so that you can manage those things on his behalf, make decisions and sign documents should he be unable to do so.

Passwords for all accounts online. Unsubscribe to emails now.
Filling freezer with easy shove in oven food for when you can’t face cooking.

So sorry you’re doing this.

Get all his passwords for email etc.
Think what to do with social media accounts and who will do it
Do some photo albuming together now so you don't have to sort through lots of photos later.
Get him to go through very personal effects eg diaries and letters
Mechanism in place to communicate with friends/ family/nosey parties over the next couple of years eg Facebook group etc.
Good luck and sympathy, its so hard x