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Legal matters

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Original poster

Ex husband demanding money post divorce

48 replies

WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 09:11

Hello,

I am desperate for some advice after a long and drawn out divorce (secret affair and child/financial hearings) has left me financially and emotionally broken.

The judge sealed the consent order in August. My ex did not meet the deadlines set for transfer of funds but eventually the money promised arrived and I moved out of our former home, buying my own place, in November.

I thought all was well but I have received letters from his lawyer demanding I pay invoices totally hundreds of pounds for gardeners and cleaners.

The consent order stated the house be left clean and tidy. Nothing more. No professional cleaning was agreed. No carpet cleaning. No oven clean etc. The large garden was tidy bar for one unused vegetable plot. No work on my part was discussed/agreed.

My ex had abandoned me to the sole upkeep of both in the preceeding two years with no practical or financial assistance.

So, my question is - what is my legal position here? The house is now up for sale and he is clearly trying to maximise his profits and get me to pay for the work. Is this something I should be worried about? Would a judge even entertain his petty demands after the event?

Many thanks for any replies. I am losing sleep over this.

OP posts:
Butternutsqoosh · 08/01/2021 09:18

I'd tell him to do one, he just trying his luck ...

Panicwiththebisto · 08/01/2021 09:22

Not a lawyer but he’s trying it on IMO.

Write back saying that the order stated that the house should be kept clean and tidy (or whatever the words were), not to a professional standard, and you didn’t agree to or commission this work (and why are you paying for all of it!!)

Original poster
WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 09:47

Thankyou so much for your replies. I hope you are correct that he is trying his luck.

I wrote back to the first letter but a second has just appeared threatening court. Why would a lawyer send this if she didn't think it was enforceable? Any legal minds willing to assist?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 08/01/2021 09:54

Some lawyers will send whatever crap their client tells them to. Obviously not threats to kill or something but they'll write stuff they know is bollocks. They rely on the recipient being intimidated.

Tell them to either crack on with court or stop sending harassing letters.

Endeavormorse · 08/01/2021 09:55

Did you use a solicitor at the time of divorce? If so can you ask them?
I highly doubt it's enforceable tbh.

TheVanguardSix · 08/01/2021 09:58

Was it a 'clean break' divorce, OP?

Imiss2019 · 08/01/2021 09:58

A lawyer will send anything that they can bill for! No skin off their nose if your ex wants to pay for a court case he probably won’t win.

Send them a copy of the court order hilighting property to be left clean and tidy and ask for photographic, dated evidence that this condition was not met.

partyatthepalace · 08/01/2021 09:59

Sounds like bull to me.

Check it with citizens advice rather than pay for a lawyer?

TheVanguardSix · 08/01/2021 10:01

Oh and by the way, a lawyer represents the law...but the court order IS the law.
You can use the lawyer's letters as loo roll if you wish. They wield no power. You are breaking no order or agreement by not answering them. All you have to do is literally follow orders... court orders. I would TOTALLY ignore those letters. If you get a court summons, then that's different. But personally, I would ignore the letters.

Imiss2019 · 08/01/2021 10:02

@TheVanguardSix

Oh and by the way, a lawyer represents the law...but the court order IS the law. You can use the lawyer's letters as loo roll if you wish. They wield no power. You are breaking no order or agreement by not answering them. All you have to do is literally follow orders... court orders. I would TOTALLY ignore those letters. If you get a court summons, then that's different. But personally, I would ignore the letters.
Better point that mine. Take this advice!
TheVanguardSix · 08/01/2021 10:02

Would a judge even entertain his petty demands after the event?

Nope.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 08/01/2021 10:05

Did you take photos of the house and garden when you left it?

It soubds like bollocks but it wouldn't hurt if you had proof that it was all ok when you left

Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 08/01/2021 10:05

To give example of similar crap..
Exh's solicitor sent me a letter demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds from my home as they prevented exh from looking in my windows..
I ignored the letter and didn't go to prison... As I know exh would have loved - but that's another story..

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 08/01/2021 10:09

Lawyers write whatever their clients ask them too. Doesn’t mean it’s correct.

Original poster
WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 10:10

Thank you everyone. It was a clean break - if that makes any difference.

The house was old and there were some issues such as mould my husband was well aware of having lived there with me for many years before doing a moonlight flit to his OW.

He has sent pictures of the overgrown veg garden. I don't deny it but What was I to do? Get the veg ready to harvest.

Surely everyone who moves house expects to get their hands dirty on moving in?

I have no money left to defend this in court! Arrghh!

OP posts:
Seatime · 08/01/2021 10:16

The order stated, leave the house clean and tidy, you did that. Therefore you completed the order. He is trying to hurt you further. Keep focused on what the original order stated.

SillyOldMummy · 08/01/2021 10:24

I am not a lawyer, but I doubt a court would be sympathetic to him.

"Clean and tidy" means expected standards for a livable condition. Unless a professional clean was stipulated there is no requirement for you to do that. When you move house normally, you don't expect to complete a professional clean - you just tidy and clean on a best efforts basis. Ditto with the garden - it should be tidy based on seasonal conditons. If the lawn is a foot high, then sure you should have got it mowed. But if it is autumn and there are leaves, or if there are plants waiting to be harvested and composted, then that is reasonable.

Can you come up with any financial consequences for you, of the delay to his settlement of the divorce monies? If you can, I would have this up my sleeve as a threat to counter-sue. For example, perhaps the delay meant you couldn't downsize to a cheaper property as quickly. Or you had to keep an expensive overdraft or credit card bill for longer.

He is trying to rattle you and punish you, don't give him the satisfaction.

Original poster
WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 10:29

I suppose clean and tidy means different things to different people. I feel like a tenant being oppressed by a landlord. On top of organising a house move alone in the middle of a pandemic it did not occur to me to get a company in to leave the house like a showhome . Perhaps champagne and a hamper for him to toast his happy future with his new family?

This has taken a terrible toll on my mental health. The letters are triggering PTSD and I wonder if I should claim harrassment?

OP posts:
Panicwiththebisto · 08/01/2021 11:21

The lawyer gets paid to send it and threaten court, and racks up more fees if it goes to court, it’s a win for them!

I would just reply back that at the condition of the house was as per the court order (when you handed keys back to their client mrfuckwit). Their client commisioned the additional work, and did not supply any estimates/quotes or seek agreement etc. You consider these additional and unnecessary demands to be unreasonable and border on harassment. In these times of pandemic you consider it to be a waste of court time, to proceed to court.

PicsInRed · 08/01/2021 11:29

@WhiteWriting

Thankyou so much for your replies. I hope you are correct that he is trying his luck.

I wrote back to the first letter but a second has just appeared threatening court. Why would a lawyer send this if she didn't think it was enforceable? Any legal minds willing to assist?

Solicitors send what their clients instruct, within the bounds of the law (i.e. they won't make criminal threats of harm etc but can threaten legally even if low chance of success).

Sometimes there is a veiled hint to the court or other side e.g. pushing very strongly for you to obtain legal advice or statements such as "I/we are instructed to ask/write..."

Does he live in the house or is it vacant?
How long since it was vacated by you?

Original poster
WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 18:51

Hello Pics,

he moved in on the day I moved out. He was also bleating in his letter about not being able to access the premises as I didn't get the keys to my lawyer until the next morning. Another breach of the consent order. Except he already had keys as it was already his house! I add this just to illustrate what a liar he is.

I suppose my fear is being taken back in front of the judge and ordered to pay court costs too.

They wrote demanding money for work. Then they wrote again invoicing for work. Between these two letters I had replied saying absolutely not.

They told me the house was 'disgusting'! And the garden 'too dangerous for the small child' which is particularly upsetting considering this small child of my husbands was news to me until after its birth and we were still married!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhiteWriting · 08/01/2021 18:55

I vacated at the end of November. He wrote the next week. He wrote again today.

So clearly not going to let it lie - he took me all the way to final hearing although told he would have to agree to 50/50 which is what came to pass - and now I think this is his way of punishing me.

Is there a remote possibility that a judge would side with him? Being all alone in lockdown is magnifying my worry about this.

OP posts:
Miranda15110 · 08/01/2021 19:02

Ignore the bastard. He's trying to scare you into giving him money. If it was me I'd post back to the originating solicitor with the words Piss Off written in big letters. He's lied and cheated and doesn't deserve another moment of your time x

howdoyouknow123 · 08/01/2021 19:07

I went through something similar, was dragged through the courts for years and it was massively triggering. But I'd ignore those letters. Did you take pictures of the house when you left? Mentally chuck it in the fuck it bucket and ignore. He only wants to provoke a reaction.

And what sort of cretin moves the OW and baby into his old marital home. That's sooooo weird.

redastherose · 08/01/2021 19:08

As pp's have said the Sealed Consent Order is the only thing you have to comply with. He can throw as many expensive tantrums as he likes through his lawyers but it doesn't change the facts. Unless the consent order said you had to professionally clean the whole house and have the whole garden perfect with vegetable beds all read to use (and I have never seen one saying anything about a house other than it is to be sold or handed over once the agreed funds have been deposited personally) then you can ignore his post