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Original poster

My ex grabbed my son around the neck

43 replies

Bluebridgemummy · 13/12/2020 19:58

My son (9) came home from his dads (we’re divorced 7 years) saying his dad had grabbed him around the neck in a supermarket, dug his fingers in and it had really hurt him because he had kicked his brother. I will contact the supermarket to see if they have this on cctv and contact nspcc in the morning when they reopen but any advice on next steps would be helpful.

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 13/12/2020 20:00

You need to start with contacting the police

Thatwentbadly · 13/12/2020 20:01

I would contact the police tonight, I would also inform SS and the school but the police should also do that anyway.

flakdh · 13/12/2020 20:13

Police.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 13/12/2020 20:31

Police, definitely. Don't delay.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 13/12/2020 20:35

And don't forget MI-5 and MI-6 and the RSPCA.
Did you look at his neck? Are there bruises, abrasions, fingernail marks?
Did you tell your son he should not be kicking his brother?
Would you be reacting like this if it were not your ExH?

Growapair · 13/12/2020 20:38

Potentially a bit of an overreaction here. What part of the neck did he grab? Are there any marks? From the sounds of things it’s not like he’s gone up to your son unprovoked and then started throttling him. Your son was assaulting his little brother. It may have been a case of him grabbing him and pulling him away. Has he smacked or lost his temper with them before?

Hoppinggreen · 13/12/2020 20:38

I imagine she would be reacting like this whoever had grabbed her 9 year old around the neck, it’s certainly now normal disciplining of a child, no matter what they have done

Growapair · 13/12/2020 20:39

@GeorgiaGirl52

And don't forget MI-5 and MI-6 and the RSPCA. Did you look at his neck? Are there bruises, abrasions, fingernail marks? Did you tell your son he should not be kicking his brother? Would you be reacting like this if it were not your ExH?
This. The son was being a little gobshite. Dads pulled him away and told him to pack it in. Now the op’s phoning the police 🙄
MichelleScarn · 13/12/2020 20:41

Older brother or younger brother?

MichelleScarn · 13/12/2020 20:42

Did his dad have to pull him away from the brother?

Growapair · 14/12/2020 12:40

Are you coming back to tell us op? I’m dying to know whether you’ve got hold of the nspcc, phoned the police, requested the cctv and got yourself a shit hot lawyer for the prosecution (with no doubt a request for capital punishment) because your son got scruffed for hurting your other child.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 14/12/2020 12:41

What punishment do you have in mind for the bully? And I don't mean your exh...

PegLegTrev · 14/12/2020 12:47

My bet is it wasn’t OP’s other child.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/12/2020 12:47

Actually, for those posters being facetious, I worked for years as a child protection social worker and incidents like this were treated very seriously. Yes, the lad should not have kicked his brother, however the DF should not have responded by grabbing him round the neck. This needs to be investigated to see if it was a one off incident or of this type of reprimand is happening on a regular basis. OP needs to speak to the police or SS. The NSPCC will make the referral on her behalf if that is who she chooses to contact.

PegLegTrev · 14/12/2020 12:58

@ApolloandDaphne

Would you not think it prudent that OP talks to her ex as a first point of call. Often when confronted with a watered down, less dramatic version of events children tell the truth. I’m not saying the child is lying but that they might be trying to detract from their own poor behaviour by diversion.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2020 13:02

Why was your D'S kicking his brother. CCTV footage would have to be looked at to assess the seriousness and truth of the neck grabbing incident.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/12/2020 13:02

[quote PegLegTrev]@ApolloandDaphne

Would you not think it prudent that OP talks to her ex as a first point of call. Often when confronted with a watered down, less dramatic version of events children tell the truth. I’m not saying the child is lying but that they might be trying to detract from their own poor behaviour by diversion.[/quote]
Absolutely not. That is the worst thing she could do. If he has assaulted the child but realised the lad has spoken out then he will start changing his narrative and he could be a risk of future harm. Grabbing by the neck is never right. If it was an accident or and over reaction this will become clear and the ex can be spoken to about how he reprimands the children. I will stand firm by this.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 14/12/2020 13:04

My ex saw ds kicking his dbro and did nothing...
Impulse grab to separate the 2?
Who hasn't done that sort of thing? Especially in public when you feel shown up!!

PegLegTrev · 14/12/2020 13:04

@ApolloandDaphne thank you for your insight.

Snipples · 14/12/2020 13:07

Really shocked by all the apologists on this thread. It is NEVER acceptable to grab a child around the neck. Ever. What is wrong with some of you.

YoniAndGuy · 14/12/2020 13:09

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

My ex saw ds kicking his dbro and did nothing... Impulse grab to separate the 2? Who hasn't done that sort of thing? Especially in public when you feel shown up!!
I can categorically say if my 'impulse' were to grab my child around the neck, I'd be hoping my partner/ex partner would be reporting me to the police too.

Jesus this is NOT about the child's actions. It is about putting the child's LIFE at risk by grabbing them around the neck. That is 100% no, it's 100% report, it's 100% no tolerance.

If that's his 'instinct' - he is a danger to his son, the end.

OP please report to police and speak to social services.

Boymumzy · 14/12/2020 13:23

I would contact ExH first and foremost.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 14/12/2020 13:35

Maybe he thought he had grabbed a hoody /coat? Op has one side of the story.... If op thought he was the abuse your dc in public sort of man would he be seeing the dc unsupervised?

CastleOfDoom · 14/12/2020 14:03

Jesus this is NOT about the child's actions. It is about putting the child's LIFE at risk by grabbing them around the neck. That is 100% no, it's 100% report, it's 100% no tolerance.

I doubt the ex put his hands round his neck and squeezed. Pulling him away in the heat of the moment is not attempted murderGrin.
Jeez how do some of you get through the day? You are so dramatic.

YoniAndGuy · 14/12/2020 14:09

@CastleOfDoom

Jesus this is NOT about the child's actions. It is about putting the child's LIFE at risk by grabbing them around the neck. That is 100% no, it's 100% report, it's 100% no tolerance.

I doubt the ex put his hands round his neck and squeezed. Pulling him away in the heat of the moment is not attempted murderGrin.
Jeez how do some of you get through the day? You are so dramatic.

So what bit of 'dug his fingers in and it had really hurt him' sounds exactly like a momentary, perfectly ok, totally safe, not squeezing at all thing?

Would you be ok with your child coming home saying that another adult had done that to them?

Would you be ok with the potential that, next time, they might just 'dig in' in a slightly different position and squash their windpipe, for example?

When it's your child, are you really ok to shrug and say, 'well yes, do that in the wrong spot and they could end up seriously hurt, but hey- probably it'll be fine eh' - ?

That's before you even come to the issue of whether you think it's ok for a child to ever be subjected to that kind of violent, aggressive move by a parent - or be in the position where they expect that their parent is quite likely to treat them like that. I don't hit my kids, I don't use my physical strength against them, I don't want them to ever think it's ok for someone to lay hands on them. Ever.

If all the above, to you, is just 'drama' - fine - you parent away. Just do it very far from my kids.

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