Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My ex grabbed my son around the neck

43 replies

Bluebridgemummy · 13/12/2020 19:58

My son (9) came home from his dads (we’re divorced 7 years) saying his dad had grabbed him around the neck in a supermarket, dug his fingers in and it had really hurt him because he had kicked his brother. I will contact the supermarket to see if they have this on cctv and contact nspcc in the morning when they reopen but any advice on next steps would be helpful.

OP posts:

BlueThistles · 14/12/2020 14:14

Have you spoken to both your Sons OP?

CastleOfDoom · 14/12/2020 14:26

So what bit of 'dug his fingers in and it had really hurt him' sounds exactly like a momentary, perfectly ok, totally safe, not squeezing at all thing?

He probably caught his nails as he was pulling him away. I am not excusing the man but I think OP needs to find out the facts before going down the cctv/police/ss route.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/12/2020 14:31

Jesus this is NOT about the child's actions. It is about putting the child's LIFE at risk by grabbing them around the neck. That is 100% no, it's 100% report, it's 100% no tolerance

He grabbed him around the BACK of the neck. Doubt his life was at risk. How dramatic.

FreezerBird · 14/12/2020 18:23

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

He grabbed him around the BACK of the neck. Doubt his life was at risk. How dramatic.

Where does the OP say it was around the back of the neck?

Cleverpolly3 · 14/12/2020 18:29

If it’s instinct to put your hands around a children’s neck because they kicked someone that’s worrying.

Some quite peculiar minimisation of the choice of action on this thread, especially by MN standards

If perhaps he’d shoved him or grabbed his leg that might be more of a debate. But round his neck? No that’s different.

KeyboardWorriers · 14/12/2020 18:33

@ApolloandDaphne why is physical violence take seriously but not other really horrific conduct? My ex tried to get my son to drink something he would have am anaphylactic reaction to and yet every social worker I spoke to made out that it was not serious

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/12/2020 19:00

@FreezerBird well if it was around the throat in public, he would probably have been arrested.

nimbuscloud · 14/12/2020 19:13

Hopefully the op will return to the thread and explain what happened.

WingingItSince1973 · 14/12/2020 22:30

Nobody should be grabbing anybody around the neck. That's assault. Sorry this happened to your son. Its worrying this was the first thing your ex thought to do to diffuse a situation!

Original poster

Bluebridgemummy · 16/12/2020 09:05

I’m quite surprised at the range of views from MN members tbh - not sure what this says about how people view the role of fathers in a child’s parenting but I suspect that there would have been far more condemnation if a teacher, neighbour or other parent grabbed a 9yr old around the neck. What make it any different if it’s the boys father? Because they have some sort of right to do this? Hmm that’s not how it works in my world..

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 16/12/2020 09:22

Were there marks on his neck where his dad dig in his fingers?

goldenharvest · 16/12/2020 09:33

We're there marks on his neck? If not I suspect he was just grabbed be his clothing to be pulled away. If your DS is so jealous and antagonist to his younger half brother, then I would take his account with a pinch of salt.

If there are no marks then there was nothing that could be considered an assault. Being grabbed around the neck with fingers dug into his neck would leave marks. There is no doubt about that.

If you ex has form for violence then I would take this more seriously. Otherwise I would just ask him what happened and get an adults view in this. I think you are overreacting to the word of a child with a serious axe to grind, as in he wants to deflect blame away from himself for kicking a younger child by throwing an accusation on his father.

mooncakes · 16/12/2020 09:39

Back of his neck, or his throat? That makes a big difference.

Were there scratches and bruises?

justanotherneighinparadise · 16/12/2020 09:42

I wouldn’t be running to the police.

Instead I’d be talking to his father and informing him that your son had made an allegation of a physical assault against him. Then I’d say I had recorded the details and if it happened again I’d be forced to have to approach (insert agency).

Cleverpolly3 · 16/12/2020 09:59

@justanotherneighinparadise

I wouldn’t be running to the police.

This is incredibly poor advice You would be failing to act on your child’s disclosure which in itself would potentially make you a safeguarding risk

CastleOfDoom · 16/12/2020 10:42

Did you contact the supermarket for the cctv, OP?

There's obviously a huge back story on this one...

dontdisturbmenow · 16/12/2020 11:20

The issue is you it gave you DS to report the incident and considering he was being told off, it's very likely he exaggerated what happened.

Yet you seem to be jumping at it giving your ex no benefit of the doubt.

As said, the key factor is whether there were marks to confirm that his action was underhanded.

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 17:10

@dontdisturbmenow

The issue is you it gave you DS to report the incident and considering he was being told off, it's very likely he exaggerated what happened.

Yet you seem to be jumping at it giving your ex no benefit of the doubt.

As said, the key factor is whether there were marks to confirm that his action was underhanded.

Yes I can see how this could explain a lot

Flip

1 2