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Legal matters

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Original poster

C100 Form received by violent ex partner.

48 replies

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 14:19

Hi MNetters (posted in relationships now posting in Legal also)
I've posted previously before, I left an extremely abusive relationship a few months ago with Social Services intervention. Have received threats from my ex partners Solicitor regarding contact and our DD whilst NMO is in place.
Today I have received my ex's C100 Form.
I'm devastated to say the least.
I am apparently the violent, mentally abusive one and I have abused our daughter he is saying.
He has asked for an urgent hearing in the next 7 days.
Can anyone offer advice and help me stay calm/handhold!
Thanks

OP posts:

Duckduck93 · 07/10/2020 16:18

Does the NMO allow any contact through a solicitor? Far as I'm aware unless there is a thing in place saying he can contact you via solicitor over DC its a breach of a non molestation(i got told this by my solicitor today as I have non mol on my ex and I have a newborn. He cannot contact me over the baby as it will be indirect contact)

I would gather as much evidence as possible, is he on the birth certificate? Thats what most abusers do blame the other person. You could get legal aid if you've been a victim of domestic abuse. I currently receive it.

madcatladyforever · 07/10/2020 16:23

Don't worry they always do this. My violent ex husband did it too. The judges are not stupid, they know they do this and you will be protected, be honest and don't let him scare you. This is a number one scare tactic of violent men and is one of the reasons why the court awarded my ex no custody and gave me the house.
It is designed to terrify you and it does, but you know what happened and he is going to have no evidence of your so called abusive behaviour.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 16:39

My issue is that I don't want him to have any form of direct contact at all. My DD and I were subject to horrific abuse from him, physical, psychological and emotional.
He's trying to go for full residency of DD with me having visitation rights!
We have a very long police history and had the local authority and SS involved. We were also with MARAC a few times and each time came out as high risk.
We are in hiding also as we have led and he doesn't know where we live.
I am a bit worried, because towards the end I was really stressed and probably had some form of light PND due to raising DD alone, no support, no family and being in an abusive relationship. The neighbours where we used to live repeatedly called police on him when they heard him attacking me.. they also reported concerns to SS for me shouting at DD and that shouting was usually followed by crying and they had concerns about me coping etc.

I just know how things can get misconstrued in Court. I don't want him any where near our DD, he's damaged her emotionally :(

He's also requested an urgent hearing, my solicitor has said we may not get the opportunity for CAFCASS to be involved if it's listed as an urgent hearing.

I'm really worrying.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 07/10/2020 16:42

Honestly he's still getting into your head. What evidence has he ? You've tonnes of evidence against him, the judges will see this.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 16:47

@notapizzeater but will the fact I was struggling and shouting at DD when stressed not bear any relevance. DD lives with me full time now and he's not allowed to see her under SS guidance.. after we moved we were released from SS because there was no further concerns.
I just hate that he's making himself out to be a victim.

OP posts:

Duckduck93 · 07/10/2020 17:12

@Ihaveanidea33 please don't stress that you have shouted at DD. Him not seeing DD with SS guidance will go for you, not him! No judge will allow him full residency like that! Best he might get is child contact centre due to his abuse.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 17:16

@duckduck93 I just don't want him to have any contact at all. He's abused DD as well, he's horrific. He really is. He's going to destroy her life and her confidence and make her think it's acceptable to be abused. He's also breached the NMO and has a history of abusive relationships prior to me.

OP posts:

Duckduck93 · 07/10/2020 18:07

@Ihaveanidea33 the judge will see this, its about the child's best interest and they will see through him.

He is doing it to scare you and make you feel alone, you should be proud of yourself escaping the relationship

Yogaroll · 07/10/2020 18:12

I remember your other thread OP. I have no advice for you but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your daughter. You e been very brave to get away from him. Please know you have our support here! Sending you love.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 07/10/2020 18:17

I'm not a lawyer - but from my experience the first hearing is where the judge or magistrates look at your applications and decide on whether cafcass need to be involved. Given the documented history there is no way any judge or magistrate will grant interim contact before cafcass have done their investigation. You just need to make sure all the facts about police and ss involvement are presented to the court.

All abusers seem to claim their victim was actually the abuser. All the professionals will know this. Look up DARVO. Try not to worry

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 18:22

Thank you. Just feeling anxious he's going to put me through all of this. I feel sick to the stomach. Him getting contact will mean he's won.. And there's no real desire to actually see DD. He's saying I've not provided him with any update on her in months! Why is it down to me?

OP posts:

omg35 · 07/10/2020 18:37

Most of us shout at our kids sometimes! That won't count against you at all. Sounds like you have social services on your side and there must've been evidence for you to be granted the non mol in the first place. He knows that using DD is the best way to get at you. You need to take some deep breaths and not let him break you, hard as that is. You're safe, DD is safe and this is his last stand to get at you

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 18:45

@omg35 I know, he's saying I've denied contact, I haven't provided him with an update, he's had months to file an application and now he wants it listed as an urgent hearing.. He could have done so many things to show this was about DD, pay maintenance, send a police officer round to check on DD, ask SS for updates, apply for a PSO (which would have got rejected anyway)
He's breached the NMO anyway and will be arrested in the next few days, if he denies it I have to go to Court to provide evidence :(

Just one thing after another.
I don't like the fact I am going to be made to look mentally unstable and like I am a bad mother. Was under so much stress at the time and had nobody to turn to and he took pleasure in treating me the way he did, I made the decision with the help of SS to go because it would have destroyed my DD life.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 07/10/2020 19:37

You had ss backing you
You have all the evidence
Let your solicitor haNdle it
Properly supervsed contact only

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 19:40

@Embracelife but that will eventually lead to unsupervised contact. I don't want him to see her at all.

OP posts:

LavenderQuartz · 07/10/2020 19:48

it will be about whats best for your dd not you i'm afraid

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 19:51

Yes I know that. Don't you think I know that. That's not helpful.
I've seen him abuse her, he's been reported by SS and Police for abuse towards her.

OP posts:

Singlewhiteguineapig · 07/10/2020 20:05

Anyone experiencing trauma would start to unravel. But you had the presence of mind to leave with the help of the state to protect your daughter. Shouting at your child is not a crime, nor is being stressed. Dig deep and believe in yourself. If you have to go to court be credible and remember you have your daughters best interests at heart.

shesgonebatshitagain · 07/10/2020 20:10

I had one of these served on me when I was pregnant with our third baby
It was practically thrown out by the judge the first five minutes of the emergency hearing

They all live with me now

Hold firm and check if the NMO includes contact about the baby
If SS have helped you leave as well he’s not in a good place
Forget about defending yourself to this piece of shit and show the court what you are and have been doing to put your child first

You will get through it but it is rough
I am proof of it

shesgonebatshitagain · 07/10/2020 20:11

@Singlewhiteguineapig

A lovely post and the mantra you ought to repeat

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 20:12

@shesgonebatshitagain does he see any of the children now?
He's applied for a CAO with a live in order for him to be resident parent. This is what frightens me. I know I have the right evidence and authorities. DD seeing him isn't in her best interests. He's caused her nothing but trauma.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 20:14

@Singlewhiteguineapig thank you. I know how I have to conduct myself when I get there.. I just need to prove I'm a decent mother who my DD is safe with. She will never be safe with him.

OP posts:

shesgonebatshitagain · 07/10/2020 21:47

[quote Ihaveanidea33]@shesgonebatshitagain does he see any of the children now?
He's applied for a CAO with a live in order for him to be resident parent. This is what frightens me. I know I have the right evidence and authorities. DD seeing him isn't in her best interests. He's caused her nothing but trauma.[/quote]
Yes but he didn’t get anything he really wanted
I did

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 22:32

My issue is and always has been that this small window of supervised contact paves the way towards unsupervised and then overnight contact. That's when the abuse and manipulation will start again. He will use DD to get to me, to spite me. He'll also abuse her physically and emotionally.

OP posts:

combatbarbie · 07/10/2020 22:37

I was following your other threads before they disappeared. Stand firm, it's a bully tactic. SS have told you not to give contact, have they provided you with something in writing that can be presented to the court?

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