Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

C100 Form received by violent ex partner.

48 replies

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 14:19

Hi MNetters (posted in relationships now posting in Legal also)
I've posted previously before, I left an extremely abusive relationship a few months ago with Social Services intervention. Have received threats from my ex partners Solicitor regarding contact and our DD whilst NMO is in place.
Today I have received my ex's C100 Form.
I'm devastated to say the least.
I am apparently the violent, mentally abusive one and I have abused our daughter he is saying.
He has asked for an urgent hearing in the next 7 days.
Can anyone offer advice and help me stay calm/handhold!
Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 07/10/2020 22:45

@combatbarbie not as such. Just the C&F assessment and there's a police report to say that SS have stopped contact because of significant risk following the attempt on suicide.
I'm just worried about the urgent hearing and my solicitor said CAFCASS may not get a chance to be involved because the first hearing. She said the first hearing will probably just set out what will happen next and that's it.

OP posts:

combatbarbie · 07/10/2020 23:07

I would imagine the court would, given MARAC, an NMO, the fact SS helped you flee and police report directing no contact, direct for cafcass to do their bit.

I would be very shocked if a judge ordered any contact with that level of external involvement.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 08/10/2020 06:56

I think what your solicitor is saying is that cafcass will not have a chance to do their safeguarding letter before the first hearing, but like combatbarbie I would be gobsmacked if they didn't direct cafcass to investigate. I think you need to speak to your solicitor and clarify exactly what they are saying regarding cafcass.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 08:12

I hope so. What will happen at this first urgent hearing? He wants it listed as urgent because he's said DD is at significant risk with me and if prevented from seeing him further its going to cause her harm.

OP posts:

shesgonebatshitagain · 08/10/2020 08:13

Cafcass or children’s services locally will Take it on with indirect contact at best I would suspect if at all there is no chance a judge would let anything else happen at this stage

shesgonebatshitagain · 08/10/2020 08:14

@Ihaveanidea33

That’s what they all say Try to remember that

Judges have seen it before many times

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 08:21

I'm just worried. I really am. They are going to make out I had PND and was struggling and couldn't control myself by shouting. I've never ever harmed DD ever but he's got pictures of bruises on her that he's saying I've hurt her. I told the SW involved he was building up a catalogue of evidence against me if I was to ever leave him. He told me if I didn't have the mental strength to deal with things how they were with him I needed to leave. Every time DD had a scrape or a bruise I told him and I told her nursery.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 08:21

Don't know how I'm going to translate that I support supervised contact when I don't at all. The fact he's trying to go for full residencey of DD is just awful.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 08/10/2020 09:39

Courts tend to favour contact so you need to be prepared for supervised contact as a least worst option .
Pnd is not an isdue if you hsd it and got support
Talk to your solicitor snd SW.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 10:08

I didn't have PND, I just couldn't cope towards the end as he was so violent and horrific and I was isolated and didn't have anyone.

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 08/10/2020 10:28

I don't like the fact I am going to be made to he is going to try to make me . look mentally unstable and like I am a bad mother but there’s lots of evidence to say it’s all the other way around
I fixed it for you! Did the clares law come back?

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 10:37

Thank you @timeisnotaline not yet.. But my solicitor has said its absolutely imperative so I've been onto the police daily. I just feel so so letdown it's taken so long.

OP posts:

YoBeaches · 08/10/2020 18:58

I remember your other threads OP. I think also try to remember it's not directly 'him saying' it's his solicitor working the process and writing stuff down. Doesn't make it true. Stay strong and keep doing what you have with Ss and police etc.

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 08/10/2020 19:32

@YoBeaches thank you. It is definitely him as well. Some of what was written was definitely said by him.
Found out something today. After the incident in April, and after we left.. He called the police about six weeks after we left and asked them to reinvestingate the case.. He said I had admitted responsibility and I had punched him and he wanted me arrested!! The police reopened the case then closed and filed it straight away.
Just shows this is nothing about DD. This is all to get to me.

OP posts:

ImABitScaredTBH · 09/10/2020 10:14

We have a very long police history and had the local authority and SS involved. We were also with MARAC a few times and each time came out as high risk
We are in hiding also as we have led and he doesn't know where we live
I am a bit worried, because towards the end I was really stressed and probably had some form of light PND due to raising DD alone, no support, no family and being in an abusive relationship

I was in an abusive relationship for years with my ex. My life was similar to yours and I developed PND when I had my youngest ( I left ex when baby was 8 months old )

Because of the way he was ( violent and used the children to try and control me ) and the proof I had we have a court order stating he isnt allowed to contact or communicate with me or the children. I was not expecting no contact for the kids, I was so shocked.

He attacked me one night and when the police were at my house getting my statement he rang the police saying I was outside his house kicking off. As soon as they know their going to be found out for what they are they try to pin the blame on you.

Try and stay positive, I was really surprised with how court went for us

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 09/10/2020 10:48

@ImABitScaredTBH thank you that's reassuring.
I think I just need to go in realistically but stand true to what I believe. It's just trying not to badmouth him for the foul, vile, violent, disgusting and deranged human being he is.
I asked my DD previous SW to ring me this morning and told her the goings on.. she said contact would NEVER be safe with him, even in a contact centre because of the confidential location we're in and the risk of stalking and being put in a position of unsafety, she said he cannot use nursery as a handover as it's too close to where we live and also the fact if he was to find out where we lived, he's that deranged he would come and live here! she said I absolutely must hammer that into the court. She said he would NEVER get permanent residency and also she would never have overnights with him until she was at least school age and even then her school will be VERY far from where he lives.
She said when we get a CAFCASS officer or a SW from the Local Authority to give them her number and she will speak to them.
She sounded very positive, she said it's a common reaction to abusers who have contact issues with children to just throw money at a Rottweiler solicitor but it means nothing at all.
Your ex sounds hiddeous :(
I just feel like I will NEVER be free of him until there is an order for no contact or indirect contact, I can't go into this with that as an expectation though as I will be sorely disappointed.

OP posts:

combatbarbie · 09/10/2020 11:47

Do you know what OP, as much as it would be the wrong thing to do and because you are still living in fear I'd be inclined to flee to another country and start again. Change name the lot

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 09/10/2020 11:56

@Combatbarbie
I would.. but it's just more upheaval for DD and she is doing SO SO well. It's been a long and hard road for us both but emotionally she is doing so well and she's so settled and happy.
I feel very positive after the conversation with SW though, she's absolutely happy to provide evidence in Court for us and will say that contact is unsafe completely.

OP posts:

ImABitScaredTBH · 09/10/2020 16:22

Ihaveanidea33

Court will take into consideration what the SW are saying. My court order states not to contact or communicate with us unless authorised by social services and a family court. And I didnt have any help in court from social services or Cafcass.

Your not meant to speak to them but I addressed the judges and said that I knew that this was a normal day and a job to them but this was mine and my childrens lives and we needed help keeping him away from us

He did himself no favours in court as he was all for how awful and horrible i was and my main concern was keeping me and my children safe. They are not stupid and they can see who is genuine and who is there for spite.

Courts are for keeping contact with fathers but they are also for keeping children safe from any sort of abuse. If the father is abusive and its been proven then the courts arnt so keen to maintain contact

I have friends who have been in the same situation and contact has been allowed because they havnt been able to prove the father is a danger to the children.

If he did get contact is it likely hed maintain contact or would he quickly lose interest?

movingonup20 · 09/10/2020 16:45

Stay strong! There's two issues here - what's right for you and what's right for your dd. Generally if a parent isnt considered a threat some contact is allowed, perhaps at a contact centre or through a trusted friend or relative - you do need to brace yourself for this because it's likely at some point.

The hardest thing my friend had to do was despite no contact, she had to write a monthly update and include a photo which was sent to her caseworker who forwarded to the ex partner, but it was a price worth paying for no other contact

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 09/10/2020 16:58

@movingonup20 he is very definitely a threat, the SW even said he used DD as a control tool and a method of manipulation, he has also emotionally and physically abused and chastised her.

She said at the very most he will get 1 hour in a contact center but the risk to our safety is so great that she does not know how that will even work because we have fled severe domestic abuse and he cannot find out where we live. That's the real point here other than the abuse my DD has suffered first hand by him.. the fact if he finds out where we are it's carte blanch to harass and stalk me! he used to sit outside his ex partners house all night every single night in his car!

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 09/10/2020 17:00

@ImABitScaredTBH can I ask why you had no SW or CAFCASS involvement in your case?
You're so right though - throughout ALL of this, my ex has made it as a witch hunt towards me. When he's engaged with SS and Police, he's repeatedly told them I have mental health issues, that's the one common theme through all of it.. there's been no admission of guilt or remorse for his behaviour, no statement that he misses DD and wants to be a good dad to her and he's sorry. It's ALL about discrediting me and making me look like a failure of a mother.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveanidea33 · 09/10/2020 17:08

Please let me tell you this is no exaggeration.. if this psychopath was to find out where we lived, he would MOVE here JUST to make my life a complete misery. This is an excuse of a man that will abuse his parental responsibility. If the abuse had just been me and not in front of or towards DD then perhaps I would have CONSIDERED being supportive of contact, but this person is subhuman. I was supportive of contact for the sake of my DD having a father in her life.. but it's better she has 1 solid, safe and capable parent that will make her the entire centre of their universe then having 2 parents where one isn't safe to be around a small, vulnerable, non verbal and incapable of defending themselves child.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2