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Original poster

Legal document child contact

40 replies

Maybelle345 · 05/10/2020 18:38

Is it possible to get a legally binding document drawn up to say something along the lines that should a relationship break down, one parent remains solely responsible for a child and that the other parent cannot take them to court etc for contact
Both parties would be agreement with this and seek individual legal advice before signing anything etc

Is this possible?

OP posts:
ivfbeenbusy · 05/10/2020 18:43

I can't imagine anyone wanting to sign such a thing even if it was legal? And can't see a solicitor advising a client to sign this in a million years

The only way would be to have them sign away their parental responsibility but then you wouldn't be entitled to child maintenance payments?

If you're in a relationship why would anyone even plan to deny the other parent any contact?

SoddingWeddings · 05/10/2020 18:43

It sounds like a disaster even if it exists. Why shouldn't both parents have contact in the event of a split? I can't see this would be valid to sign away parental rights.

Familylawsolicitor · 05/10/2020 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Maybelle345 · 05/10/2020 20:25

It’s a very complicated situation but my current partner would like to sigh said document (if it was possible) due to witnessing the hell that my child from a previous relationship has gone through being dragged through court by my ex.

My partner and I don’t plan to break up and the purpose of said document wouldn’t be to withhold contact it would be a case of creating such document to prevent what has happened with my current child being repeated with any subsequent children we may decide to have. We are trying to decide whether we would like to try for a child and this is a very large deciding factor.

Can you sigh away parental responsibility before a child is born? And is signing away PR a relatively easy thing to do if both parties are in agreement. (Maintenance costs are not an issue)

OP posts:
Familylawsolicitor · 05/10/2020 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doyoumind · 05/10/2020 20:31

If he didn't want contact with the child he wouldn't have to. Courts only order when someone requests contact. Your proposal doesn't even make sense.

shesgonebatshitagain · 05/10/2020 20:37

Kind of like a ore nip for kids. Awful. And I say that as a single parent myself.
I’m also confused
Do you even have a child together?

It’s very noble of him to say all that but if you had a child together you met someone else and took off with them I think he might have something to say about it

He would in any event be at liberty to apply through court

Seagrassorchid · 05/10/2020 20:37

why on earth would you want the father of any future children to potentially have no parental responsibility?

To be honest this sounds just as toxic as a father attempting to gain access through the courts.

If this is something that you really think you would need to do even before having a child I would suggest that maybe not having another child would be the most sensible thing to do.

This does not sound as though it is in the best interest of the child and more the best interests of the parent wanting to strip the title of parent from the other.

quite shocked at this post.

shesgonebatshitagain · 05/10/2020 20:38

*pre nup not ore nip which sounds intriguing

icedaisy · 05/10/2020 20:44

No.

Child arrangements are "fluid".

What is in the best interests of a child today may not be next week, next year.

Think of all the cases you see where absent father turns up after five years and applies for contact.

You cannot contract out of the right to apply for contact. Even if your current partner and father of the child did not have PRR he could always apply for same, together with contact.

Furbs · 05/10/2020 20:49

Please don't have any children with this plan in mind.

It's a terrible idea and also no, you cannot do it. Your option would be to not have him on the birth certificate but he could fight retrospectively for that through courts.

Honestly if you and your existing child are that traumatised by your previous relationship I would strongly suggest spending your time and energy seeking therapy for that and spending time working on yourself and your relationship with you child.

Sorry OP but it's an awful idea.

Original poster
Maybelle345 · 05/10/2020 20:51

Yes it is basically like a prenup for kids, that’s a good description. It is by no means to prevent a relationship between my partner and any children we may decide to have and the creation of such document would be solely in the best interests of the child.

I don’t want to go into all the past issues with my child and ex and the trauma it is caused. My partner has witnessed all this trauma and would hate for any child we may decide to have to go through the same should our relationship break down. The document would be a safeguard to protect our potential child from going through the same but I can see from responses this isn’t likely to be possible so in that case we simply won’t have any kids.

OP posts:
Furbs · 05/10/2020 20:56

That document would not be in the best interest of any child OP.

I think your conclusion is a really sensible one. I'm sorry you've had past trauma and really do think you should focus on dealing with the emotional fallout of that.

ForeverBubblegum · 05/10/2020 20:57

The problem surely is that your ex is a dick. Simple solution, your current partner decides not to be a dick in the event of a split.

SoloMummy · 05/10/2020 21:00

You can sign away what are you legally enshrined rights. So a parent cannot sign away their "rights".

In theory, if not married he could not be named on the bc so not have pr. But that could provoke a load of other issues, like proving he's the father in the event of your untimely demise.

Seagrassorchid · 05/10/2020 21:06

Have you ever considered that your partner could potentially be the better parent to any future children?

Effectively if you did split he would not be able to make any parental decisions on behalf of his own child. I am sure (being a mother myself) that you would not simply say 'yes, you are the better parent you take said child'. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on and trying to gain parental responsibility on top of child access would also not be a pleasant experience in court.

I obviously have no idea about past circumstances that have happened to you and your child and I am responding purely on this post, but this sounds like a very toxic move on your part. I am sure you believe that you are doing this for sound reasons but this honestly sounds awful. Providing of course you truly believe that your partner would be a good parent.

Imagine if god forbid something happened and a medical decision on behalf of your child needed to be made and he was unable to make it as he didn't have any parental responsibility.

titchy · 05/10/2020 21:06

the creation of such document would be solely in the best interests of the child.

By definition such a document is NOT in the best interests of the child. This is not a man you should be having children with. Unless you want to fuck them up for life.

shesgonebatshitagain · 05/10/2020 21:17

@Maybelle345

Yes it is basically like a prenup for kids, that’s a good description. It is by no means to prevent a relationship between my partner and any children we may decide to have and the creation of such document would be solely in the best interests of the child.

I don’t want to go into all the past issues with my child and ex and the trauma it is caused. My partner has witnessed all this trauma and would hate for any child we may decide to have to go through the same should our relationship break down. The document would be a safeguard to protect our potential child from going through the same but I can see from responses this isn’t likely to be possible so in that case we simply won’t have any kids.

a document like that is not in the child’s best interests though.
Techway · 05/10/2020 21:32

A parent can choose to walk away from a child but is that in the child's best interests?

What is you became unwell physically or mentally? I think this boils down to trust in your partner. Do you think he would be capable of similar behaviour?

If you have been so traumatised by legal proceeding from an Ex are you in the right place to consider more children? Might sound harsh but your proposal is so extreme.

ivfbeenbusy · 06/10/2020 06:36

So because YOU had a bad experience with an ex you want to pressure/manipulate your new partner into signing a document saying he wouldn't pursue you for access to any children you might have together in the courts???
He might very well sign something now before a child even exists even if it is legal but as soon as he becomes a father his feelings will 100% change and any man worth his salt would not walk away.
To be honest he should run for the hills no way I'd bring children into this situation

AlternativePerspective · 06/10/2020 06:47

From your posts it sounds as if it was his idea to say that if you ever split he wouldn’t want contact with his children.

Either way, whoever’s idea this was, having children, or even being in a relationship on this basis sounds hideous, and if I were him I would walk away now, and if the idea was his then you should walk away from a man who has actively told you that if you have children together he wants no responsibility for them.

SD1978 · 06/10/2020 07:00

No. And the responsibility for future custody if such thing is required, not being detrimental to the child and being nasty is the responsibility of you both.

SD1978 · 06/10/2020 07:01

And it sounds like a bloody cop out- I'm happy to walk away from my child for the sake of their happiness...Hmm

SoddingWeddings · 06/10/2020 09:47

The more I read this, the angrier I get.

Please, neither of you - but especially you - have any more children, because you're only looking out for your own interests here.

A child is entitled to access to both parents, where appropriate (ie not abusive), irrespective of whether someone signed a bit of paper to say they'll walk away from them if times get a bit tough.

Awful.

Original poster
Maybelle345 · 06/10/2020 10:19

I think I haven’t explained myself very well because everyone commenting seems to think the purpose of this document would be to prevent contact. That is not the case. Both parents would have equal contact with any child, the purpose of the documents would be to prevent it being hauled through court

OP posts: