Legal document child contact

[Maybelle345]

Is it possible to get a legally binding document drawn up to say something along the lines that should a relationship break down, one parent remains solely responsible for a child and that the other parent cannot take them to court etc for contact
Both parties would be agreement with this and seek individual legal advice before signing anything etc

Is this possible?

@Maybelle345

I think I haven’t explained myself very well because everyone commenting seems to think the purpose of this document would be to prevent contact. That is not the case. Both parents would have equal contact with any child, the purpose of the documents would be to prevent it being hauled through court

You can't set out arrangements for a child that doesn't exist. You don't know what your or your dp circumstances will be in the future. You don't know what your imaginary child's needs will be in the future. You can't say that you will always make the best decision, or that your dp will always make the best decision.

@SoddingWeddings

The more I read this, the angrier I get.

Please, neither of you - but especially you - have any more children, because you're only looking out for your own interests here.

A child is entitled to access to both parents, where appropriate (ie not abusive), irrespective of whether someone signed a bit of paper to say they'll walk away from them if times get a bit tough.

Awful.

I couldn't agree more with this.

It sounds like You have continually denied contact to your ex so he has had to continually take You to court and You are looking at how to deny contact with your current partner before you have even got pregnant

I hope your ex gets contact. Anyone who denies their child’s other parent access is despicable.

I’m guessing you want your DP to sign something to say he won’t take you to court so you can walk off into the sunset. After all, if things are amicable then nobody needs to go to court, s
Do they? So if you wanted to prevent this then it’s presumably because you are planning to deny him access in the event you should split.

I hope your ex gets contact, residency even, and I hope your partner sees sense and heads for the hills.

@Maybelle345

I think I haven’t explained myself very well because everyone commenting seems to think the purpose of this document would be to prevent contact. That is not the case. Both parents would have equal contact with any child, the purpose of the documents would be to prevent it being hauled through court

This is irrelevant. People's feeling change and parents can become very manipulative when faced with losing time with their children - you might say now that you would happily give a father 50/50 access but if your relationship breaks down acrimoniously highly unlikely that you would follow through with this? Presumably If for whatever reason he was granted a greater share of custody this "document" would also mean YOU wouldn't take him to court either?!

@SoddingWeddings agree completely, annoyed me all night.

OP the court process is only there for cases where relations are NOT amicable and where court intervention is thus required. Setting harm, risk to the child cases aside.

In many of the cases I've seen, when a child has been "hauled" through the courts, for a lengthy period of time, without DV or abuse, there are faults on the sides of both parents. Indeed in the absolute worst I have seen the mother has been so hell bent on alienating the child the process has damaged the child as a result.

Now that's rare, but millions of people separate every year and go nowhere near a court. They sort things out themselves. They do not contract out of their rights to do so.

You don't have to go to court to establish contact after a split if you agree on 50/50 contact.
It obviously wouldn't be a good idea as there's an age where children's wishes override the parents and the list of caveats would be too long to make it workable.
Eg neither parent can be an addict, neither parent is physically or mentally unable to look after a child 50% of the time, neither parent has been abusive ...
50/50 means that you agree to live near each other until the children are adults too- if one of you gets a promotion in another city would the other be required to follow or would the first have to turn down the job offer? What if the first can't get a job nearby? Would you be able to commit to never moving away (say to be with a new partner or to look after an elderly parent?) What if the child needs to attend a Special School and you want to move near to it so their commute is short? And so on

*My partner has witnessed all this trauma and would hate for any child we may decide to have to go through the same should our relationship break down"
He has witnessed trauma from your perspective when things between you have been great.

He might see things in a totally different light if you were to come into conflict.

What a strange partner he is to consider signing any such document giving you all the control before he even has the child. If he believes that the best is not to do anything he gives would be right so not to upset the children, then he will just not do it.

You clearly want to the him in to something in case he changes his mind. Makes you wonder whether you have a control issue and that's why you've ended up in court and your current partner is to blind yet to see it.

If you are not married, you can not put him on the birth certificate which will essentially limit his rights. But I would suggest having a conversation reminding him that there's only a child custody issue if split parents allow their to be one. I coparent fine with exh.

Ridiculous question and thread. If you are both so agreeable to all of this now then maybe keep the same mindset for the future and remind yourself if you do break up not to act like children.

OP I've read your question last night and think you are bonkers.

Just because you had a dispute with one partner you had a child with that went to Court, doesn't mean you will have the same with your current partner if you have a child/children with him. Lots of parents go on to have children with another partner after an acrimonious divorce and some split up, however it doesn't mean they end up in Court again.

I was thinking the same as @dontdisturbmenow that you are the one with issues, anyway the best bet for you both is not to have any children with each other....

@AlternativePerspective

I hope your ex gets contact. Anyone who denies their child’s other parent access is despicable.

I’m guessing you want your DP to sign something to say he won’t take you to court so you can walk off into the sunset. After all, if things are amicable then nobody needs to go to court, s
Do they? So if you wanted to prevent this then it’s presumably because you are planning to deny him access in the event you should split.

I hope your ex gets contact, residency even, and I hope your partner sees sense and heads for the hills.

Whilst I don’t agree with the OP’s suggestion in the slightest I find parts of your comment about her ex ill informed. We don’t know the precise details, so it’s not your place to make these assertions.

Some parents deny contact as it is now correctly known for very good reasons. It’s not as simple as them being despicable.

@ shesgonebatshitagain yes, and if OP was purely saying that she was having a hard time because her ex was taking her to court for access and she had e.g. been a victim of abuse etc that would be understandable.

But instead she’s saying that because her ex is taking her to court, she thinks that her current partner should be made to sign a legal document preventing him from ever wanting access or parental responsibility for any children they have. And she’s still in a relationship with this man, actively planning to have children with him... Those aren’t the actions of someone wanting to have children with a partner they love, they are the actions of someone who thought she could just withhold contact and didn’t expect her ex to fight for it so thinks that she should have the supreme right to her children regardless of them having fathers.

@AlternativePerspective she has t divulged the precise details of why things are so bad with her ex
So we don’t really know

As I said I agree the proposition her current partner and her appear to agree on is beyond awful

@Maybelle345

I think I haven’t explained myself very well because everyone commenting seems to think the purpose of this document would be to prevent contact. That is not the case. Both parents would have equal contact with any child, the purpose of the documents would be to prevent it being hauled through court

Your first post doesn’t convert the same thing at all

*convey

In any event the only way to permanently prevent that is for PR to be absent