Separation and house

[gertrudemortimer]

Hi so I'm one of those people who didn't insist on their names been put on the mortgage. I only had a new temp job at the time so I brought the amount we could borrow down. I was also pregnant. We were going to have no house as the landlord of our rented wouldn't accept children and rent was ending in July (child due June, landlord lived next door so he knew I was expecting) luckily we were able to buy so we moved into our house in the middle of 2016 child was born a month later. We got engaged a few months before we bought the house if that makes any difference. Sorry I'm rambling I can't seem to function anymore.

Situation I'm in now is the relationship has broken down. Various reasons and I don't think I need to bore with you them. I should of secured my name on the mortgage before I ended the relationship. I have really let my child down by not doing that. it was always an intention but we never did it, figured we'd sort it out when we bought another house. I paid 1/2 deposit, pay towards bills, paid for various building work over the years, paid at least 1/2 of a 12k kitchen loan, pay water bill, paid council bill at one point.

I've had one main part time job since child (4) was 7 months old which has allowed ex to work away, he works away at short notice for up-to 5 nights at a time, I've also had a second job between childs age of 2-3 but that only lasted about 9 months. This part time job is good money for me but not enough to support me and my child with rent or mortgage. Partner is receiving UC due to not working during CV although he worked 4 nights last week on a good wage so I suspect he won't receive any more. I've tried doing a benefits calculator but it says 0 - is his claim meant to be for us all?

Anyway ex has said he has to sell the house so he can get another mortgage and I should use my share of the equity to rent which will probably do me for a few years. I can't work out how I'm going to survive if I can't stay in the house. He said we will sign something which guarantees me 1/2 equity but is refusing to let me on the deeds because he said I'll never leave, he said the deeds are the only cards he holds. I've sought free legal advice and I was told I could stop him from selling the house until child is 18 and also prove my interest in the house, my legal advice said he could try and sell but I'd be able to block basically. My ex has been told by his legal advice I have no rights to stop him selling.

I've got a job interview tomorrow for a job that requires me to work until late at night and also applied for another evening one so I could have 3 part time jobs so I can save and hopefully be in a position to have the mortgage, I'll no longer be able to support him working away when ever he gets a job through and it will have to be split fairly so we can both work. My main aim of the jobs is to be in a position to buy him out in a few years I think that would be fair on everyone? He said if I am in a position to buy him out then he will come with me to the bank and help me explain the situation. I'm not sure if they'll think we are bonkers because they'd of never heard of me before but he is refusing to add me as an owner unless it's on the day I buy him out.

He's adamant I'm never going to afford this mortgage so how he thinks I'll be able to rent and provide a suitable upbringing for our child I'm not sure? The mortgage is £400 but rent in this area is £800 unfurnished not inc bills. He told me to use the equity for rent and save for another deposit on a mortgage at the same time.

I'll also never see my son if I get 2/3 jobs but if I don't do it then we will lose our house? I might not even see him 50% of the time. I'm not sure if I've asked any real questions. I'm clueless and feeling exhausted due to conflicting advice.

UC can help towards rent and childcare. It's just a house., dont cling onto it at the expense of being with your child, Could you earn enough to get a mortgage in in your own name?

@RedHelenB I'd have to get more jobs to earn enough to get a mortgage on my own. Doing extra shifts in my current job isn't possible. I get 11k a year at the moment.

You can't afford a mortgage at the moment. You'd need to apply through the courts but as he's agreed to give you half the equity that might be pointless.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/

I have a friend that was in a similar position. Her ex was very amenable so that helped greatly! The resolution they came to was, he changed the mortgage on 'their' house to buy to let, they have a complicated agreement that involves him paying no child maintenance to her directly, but she pays the difference between the mortgage payment and CM he would have paid to him as rent if that makes sense? She also took out a loan to provide him with half of the equity in the house and he has purchased a further house now.
The plan is in 5 years that she will try to take over the outstanding mortgage in her own name.
As I said, complicated, but seems to be working for them.

Are you married ? Much depends on that.

@3littlemonkeys82 thank you that is something I'll look at. I don't think I'd get a loan for the amount I'd need unless I can work way more which is kind of my plan but to take over the mortgage not do buy to let so I'll look at that option. We don't know what the equity is but he seems to think it's about 30k but it's a guess, it could go down!

No not married

My friend couldn't get a mortgage in her own right as her earnings just weren't hight enough. I think the loan was for around £15k over 5 years (similar to a brand new car loan I suppose) and theyve had something written up that states he has no stake in further equity. He will sell her the house for the amount outstanding on the mortgage in 5 years time, at which point in will become a standard mortgage for her and the let to buy one for him will cease.

I hope you find a solution. Seems crazy that if he insists on you renting elsewhere your outgoings will double and he will have to work less to facilitate child care, surely you both lose out that way, let alone your ds.

@3littlemonkeys82 I know it does but I think it's correct? That I can't block any sale? I need to be able to financially support our son in any event so hopefully I get the job, the interviews in an hour, my heart is beating out of my chest! He wouldn't have to work that much to be very comfortable and he'd still see our son probably more than 50% of the time if he can have him when I'm working which is better than child care/babysitters. i just can't see an end to it, he said he'll sell when we can both afford another mortgage but also he says I'll never be in a position to have a mortgage. I say I wouldn't be able to afford rent unless you're allowed to go into shared with children? If I had about 5 years to save and left the equity along I could probably do it. My parents won't allow us to live with them and my ex said he wouldn't allow my son to live their either because they have a dog.

You will be entitled to universal credit. You should get full entitlement until you get any equity. You can rent and receive UC. I know you want to hang onto the house but it really doesn't sound feasible at the moment.

@Northernsoullover could I use benefits if I'm getting a big chunk of money? I'm not sure how it works I know I can't receive anything until the equity money goes down to 6k, then I couldn't save for a future mortgage because they'd stop my benefits if I went over 6k? I might be totally wrong. But if that's the case then I think I'm going to have to work so I don't need to dip into the equity regularly. It will run out eventually and then I'll have a long road ahead to save.

No it isn't feasible to hang onto the house I just feel gutted for my son and like I've really let him down so trying to look at every option.

@gertrudemortimer

You are not married and therefore you have no automatic right to the house (even being married doesn't give you this unless a court determines it)

To all intents and purposes he owns the house. You are not married. Given that you contributed (and can prove this) then you will have a basis for a claim. However, from your posts, it doesn't sound like your ex is actually contesting giving you half of the equity which is the most you could claim in reality. Going down the legal route would be highly unlikely to give you more than he is offering and saddling you with huge legal bills.

There are obscure provisions enabling a person to remain but you would need legal advice...unlikely you would be successful

The simple answer is you need legal advice but at £300+vat per hour I really don't think this is feasible for you to pursue.

I'm afraid your situation really underpins why people, particularly women should get married before having children..that does mean the welfare of the children is of the highest priority whereas in your situation it isn't (legally)

@MarieG10 I know you're right, I don't need to contest anything if he sells because he said we will sign a contract or something before the house sale goes through that gives me 50/50. Equity sounds good but I know in reality I'm not in a position to get a mortgage with it right now.

I got the job and put some money in my new savings account. One thing I've thought is if I can save for two years and get a loan to make up half of the equity then agree to pay the remainder over say another 5 years (with the equity remaining at the same amount) then he'd had enough to get another mortgage, I'd pay our mortgage myself so he wouldn't need to pay two. He doesn't want me and my son to leave the house but he doesn't want to rent and he won't put me as joint owner incase I stay and don't pay him equity. We've agreed (for now) two years living in the same house whilst I try and get a higher paid job to be accepted as sole owner. How long that will last I don't know.

Great news that you got the job, congratulations!
Can you get something in writing at least agreeing that he will not sell the house for the next 2 years?

You are right in that there is a law which enables you to stay in the house until the child is 18 BUT the court would expect you to pay the mortgage??

I don't think it's fair for you to expect your ex partner to rent for years until you've saved up enough to buy him out. The fairest thing is to sell now and split the equity. Life isn't fair or equitable so if one has to rent and one is able to get a mortgage by virtue of the fact they have the better job than that's just life I'm afraid

@3littlemonkeys82 I thought that. I'm seeing the solicitor on Monday. I need to ask why he told me I could stay in the house until my sons 18 because clearly from everything I've read that isn't the case. Maybe he misheard something I said? The job is great news it means I can save more and even if I can't buy him out I'll have more money for when I'm renting. Unfortunately the jobs a zero hours contract do not good enough for a mortgage but at least it's money. Also how do I make him transfer me the child benefits money? He applied for it when our son was born and has received it ever since despite nearly reaching 50k per year!

Most solicitors troop out the standard line about right to stay until child reaches 18 - mainly to scare the fathers it's usually used against I think. (We has a close family member for through this last year)

But in REALITY 1) it's expensive to obtain such an order 2) it requires a judge to sign off as for all intents and purposes your name isn't on the deeds and you are removing him from his legal home 3) courts take a dim view if the mother expects to stay in the house and the father cover the mortgage payments (I know this isn't the case for you as you work) - they expect the mother to work and pay the house costs

It's only really used where there is salaries/assets of £100,000s or even millions at stake

Your partner can actually earn closer to £55k and still be eligible for child benefit due to all the offset which is allowed to be done. But in any event you should contact them to say he isn't the resident parent and start your own claim

@ivfdreaming Is there a law? Can you post a link/reference please.

@ivfdreaming I would pay all the mortgage and bills on the home. That's why I'm trying to get more work so I can afford it on my own

I understand he can receive it in full until he earns 50k then he has to pay back a percentage through tax but I earn 12k a year so really why should he get the child benefit and why won't he transfer it to me? It is just cruel. We split everything, it's not like he buys all our childs things. I pay for all his lunches and school dinners, I bought his uniform for September, I paid any childcare when I had the second job last year and also paying 1/2 for him going in for a few days during the summer. I feel like you are seeing me as a stay at home mum who gets an allowance from her partner. That has never been the case and I don't expect it but I have to be able to survive!

If you were married it's called a "Mesher Order"but there is also the Children Act 1989

As you were engaged you also have the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 an engaged couple who separate will have the protection of any law which relates to the property rights of husband and wives. All you need to show is that there was an "agreement to marry" and that this agreement has been broken.

Sorry there are lots of different articles/links to the laws I've mentioned - pop them into google and there is lots of info

You'd have to demonstrate to the mortgage company you can cover the payments but unfortunately that would be highly unlikely on a zero hours contract?

I understand he can receive it in full until he earns 50k then he has to pay back a percentage through tax

This is true but the £50k threshold only kicks in after certain deductions are made eg pension contributions, even if you buy a weeks annual leave or are signed up to any salary sacrifice schemes so you can actually earn closer to £55k before you start paying it back (I know because I'm the higher earner and make sure I have a lot of "deductibles" to ensure that I retain child benefit

@ivfdreaming thankyou I will look into that tonight. I wouldn't get the mortgage on zero hours but I still need to earn more money so I've had no choice but to take it whilst it's there. I'm going to carry on looking for permanent work whilst I do it but there isn't many of those that I would be able to do at the moment. There was a permanent part time job as a college receptionist but it's working until 9pm 3 evenings a week and 1 evening until 6 (which I could do) my ex works away so I'd have no childcare from 6-9 when he's working. It would of been good as I could of kept my current permanent part time job alongside it.

Hi all. I had an appt with my solicitor and he is absolutely certain that I don't need to leave the house because I couldn't afford to house my child anywhere else and courts need to make sure child has suitable living conditions with both parents. He told us to do mediation first but if that doesn't work then he will write a letter to ex's solicitor and said they will agree that I can't afford it. He said it will make no difference if I am on the mortgage or not but that it would be better for ex if I was as he'd have more chance of getting a second mortgage.

To be quite honest I don't know what to do. I want ex to have the equity but I can't see how I will ever be able to afford that, I will have my equity to rent if we sold but then I would really struggle to house us when that has gone. I've been looking at shared ownership, applied for council housing etc but these things will probably take years and I'm just not sure what to do in the mean time. Ex is now saying he doesn't ever want to rent, I've looked at renting so ex can keep the house and son stay here more but I'd only be able to afford a room in a house so no way of son staying regularly. Ex has looked at renting but was looking at 1,000pcm bills not inc.

He said it isn't fair that he can't have full custody because I couldn't afford it which hurt a lot. I've sacrificed a lot for us to have a house, a child and for him to have a job where he can work anywhere for any length of time whilst still managing to work from when son was 7 months old. I feel like we're both expecting completely different lives with our son and ex isn't prepared to compromise at all. I've suggested we do couples counselling I can't see any way out that keeps us all and most importantly our son happy.

I've got two shifts this week, one unpaid ex mixed his days up to me and is working on one of them not a good sign of things to come. It will be easier to work around when sons in school though.