Separation and house

[gertrudemortimer]

Hi so I'm one of those people who didn't insist on their names been put on the mortgage. I only had a new temp job at the time so I brought the amount we could borrow down. I was also pregnant. We were going to have no house as the landlord of our rented wouldn't accept children and rent was ending in July (child due June, landlord lived next door so he knew I was expecting) luckily we were able to buy so we moved into our house in the middle of 2016 child was born a month later. We got engaged a few months before we bought the house if that makes any difference. Sorry I'm rambling I can't seem to function anymore.

Situation I'm in now is the relationship has broken down. Various reasons and I don't think I need to bore with you them. I should of secured my name on the mortgage before I ended the relationship. I have really let my child down by not doing that. it was always an intention but we never did it, figured we'd sort it out when we bought another house. I paid 1/2 deposit, pay towards bills, paid for various building work over the years, paid at least 1/2 of a 12k kitchen loan, pay water bill, paid council bill at one point.

I've had one main part time job since child (4) was 7 months old which has allowed ex to work away, he works away at short notice for up-to 5 nights at a time, I've also had a second job between childs age of 2-3 but that only lasted about 9 months. This part time job is good money for me but not enough to support me and my child with rent or mortgage. Partner is receiving UC due to not working during CV although he worked 4 nights last week on a good wage so I suspect he won't receive any more. I've tried doing a benefits calculator but it says 0 - is his claim meant to be for us all?

Anyway ex has said he has to sell the house so he can get another mortgage and I should use my share of the equity to rent which will probably do me for a few years. I can't work out how I'm going to survive if I can't stay in the house. He said we will sign something which guarantees me 1/2 equity but is refusing to let me on the deeds because he said I'll never leave, he said the deeds are the only cards he holds. I've sought free legal advice and I was told I could stop him from selling the house until child is 18 and also prove my interest in the house, my legal advice said he could try and sell but I'd be able to block basically. My ex has been told by his legal advice I have no rights to stop him selling.

I've got a job interview tomorrow for a job that requires me to work until late at night and also applied for another evening one so I could have 3 part time jobs so I can save and hopefully be in a position to have the mortgage, I'll no longer be able to support him working away when ever he gets a job through and it will have to be split fairly so we can both work. My main aim of the jobs is to be in a position to buy him out in a few years I think that would be fair on everyone? He said if I am in a position to buy him out then he will come with me to the bank and help me explain the situation. I'm not sure if they'll think we are bonkers because they'd of never heard of me before but he is refusing to add me as an owner unless it's on the day I buy him out.

He's adamant I'm never going to afford this mortgage so how he thinks I'll be able to rent and provide a suitable upbringing for our child I'm not sure? The mortgage is £400 but rent in this area is £800 unfurnished not inc bills. He told me to use the equity for rent and save for another deposit on a mortgage at the same time.

I'll also never see my son if I get 2/3 jobs but if I don't do it then we will lose our house? I might not even see him 50% of the time. I'm not sure if I've asked any real questions. I'm clueless and feeling exhausted due to conflicting advice.

"I paid 1/2 deposit, pay towards bills, paid for various building work over the years, paid at least 1/2 of a 12k kitchen loan, pay water bill, paid council bill at one point."

Given that you have paid considerable capital costs on the house you do have an equitable interest. I would suggest you register this with land registry:
www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/consumer-law-blog/registering_your_interest_in_a_property#

You need to make a rival claim with HMRC for the child benefit as circumstances have changes. There is a lot of information about registering a rival claim but essentially now you have split and if you are the main resident parent it should come to you...
www.rightsnet.org.uk/forums/viewthread/11539/#57279
www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/324593/response/850292/attach/html/5/Appendix%20B.PDF.pdf.html

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo thank you! would that change anything in regards to me staying in the house and been able to use my interest in the house as a reason rather than solely because of the child? I know I can stay but that would obviously mean going through solicitors as my ex won't accept it and I'd prefer to do it in a way that wasn't like a bull in a china shop to try and keep things friendly.

I am going to approach him about the child benefit again tonight then make a separate claim if he doesn't agree. I really do need the money! He asked me to pay more towards things yesterday, yet he's receiving all the UC, child benefit and still working on £550 per day 2-4 times a week. No idea how he is entitled to the UC he says it's nothing to do with me and the money is all his. I've got £200 left as I've had to pay for a lot of things this month.

I've applied for another role that would be more hours and more pay, fingers crossed I get an interview as I think I would really enjoy the job. The problem is it would be difficult with ex's hours if they want me to do lates, it's nhs so is very likely. I'm constantly scrambling around trying to make stuff work but I feel like I'm the only one doing that. Also been accepted on the council register and can start bidding on houses.

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo also ex wants to do a buy to let and have me as a tenant in this house? I haven't agreed or disagreed yet but he said they'd use this house as collateral for his next house and I'm not sure what that means for my share of this house? It seems messy and like a bad idea but I haven't had much chance to look into it.

One thing about the child benefit, you need to remind him that there is zero possibility of you moving out of the CB is not in your name because you will need it to claim rent.

Is it possible that he temporarily moves back in and one of you shares the largest room with DS, Until all other options have been explored?

How much capital would you get from the sale of the property if he gave you 50%?

@RandomMess we are all still living in the same house, I can't move out due to financials and he won't because he is never renting again. He sleeps with ds and that's been the case for a few months. I have also read child benefit is a gateway benefit and not receiving it can affect further benefits if I need to claim when are living separately?

Yes without CB you are absolutely screwed in terms of benefits.

Are you claiming UC as separate people now? If you apart but in the same household then you are entitled to.

Somehow you need to get the CB in your name. If you are the primary carer this needs to happen, it also protects your NI contributions whilst not working.

Make having it in your name as non-negotiable.

Whether or not you move and rent may depend on how much equity you will actually get. How much to you expect it to be?

I am working and paying NI. I've had a part time job for about 3 1/2 years and a year of that was two part time jobs making full time hours. Ex thinks it'll be about 70k but that's just with a Zoopla estimation. I am determined to at least get the cb. He applied for UC during lockdown. I had to enter my details and make my own account for it so assuming it's a joint one, we were still a couple then.

So he is claiming UC on the basis of you as a couple with a child and your low income as a couple lowers his enough to claim - and then he pockets all the cash and makes sure you spend everything you get. Is he being paid cash for these days he is working? Its all highly deceitful towards you (its financial abuse him pocketing benefits meant for you as a couple), and as you are now separated it is also illegal - you may need to inform the DWP and HMRC to get him to stop in the end.

I very much doubt with someone behaving the way this person is that things will be amicable sorry. I think you might need a court to sort it out its such a mess with him having taken so much money off you and not put your name on anything in return. Speak to an agency like The Rights of Women hope fully they will be able to guide you as to what to do.