Executor of a will

[TheChosenTwo]

Hi, I couldn’t find an appropriate place to put this so at least here, if it’s in the wrong place, it will disappear in time.
I’ve been asked to be (and accepted the offer) an executor of a relatives will.
I haven’t seen the will.
Can anyone who has carried out duties as an executor please talk me through, step by step, what they did when the time came?
The solicitor did tell me at the time but I’ve still got lots of questions that I didn’t think to ask at the time as we were dealing with a lot of other stuff.
Just to add, my relative is still alive so it’s not like I need to jump into action ASAP, I’d just like to have an idea of what I might be doing, time frames, oh I don’t know really.
Have been researching a bit online but it’s a minefield really so would hugely appreciate someone sharing their experiences first hand if they felt able to.
TIA

Okay thank you. I do know where they bank, have various savings Accounts and ISAs, shares, Pensions etc. I think it’s an exhaustive list as they needed to declare everything for the divorce settlement anyway.
I hadn’t thought about possibly consolidating several sums of money, that’s a really good point and worth talking about although every account has significant sums of money in.
I was going to maybe order a dozen certificates as I’m thinking there will be quite a few People to inform.
One question I have which I know will sound silly, but what exactly IS probate? And why doesn’t my role as the executor cover the need to apply for it! Just can’t work it out.

The fees are paid from the estate, so if you have a practitioner operating a bank account they can pay them directly from there. If you want to renounce, then seek advice asap after the death - once you have intermeddled (got involved in anything more basic than arranging the funeral or securing property or you can't renounce). You don't need to renounce though, just get a solicitor to provide professional advice and you remain in charge as the executor - they do the leg work while you remain overall responsible (this will keep their fees down as they bear less risk if they are not executor). The more organised your records are, the less you should need to pay the solicitor (in theory - get a few quotes and go with your feel with who you gel with). A solicitor/accountant may save you a lot of money by claiming all the reliefs the estate is eligible for, so if it is a taxable estate they will be well worth the money.

I know I’m supposed to act in the best interest of the beneficiaries but having seen the sums of money involved, the fees will be a drop in the ocean so I’m not too bothered about the costs.
Particularly as the beneficiaries live abroad and even just a fraction of the money they will inherit will make them incredibly wealthy overnight (their standard of living including their overheads etc is far lower than ours here).
So I think I’ll possibly end up staying as the executor and keeping an eye on things but happily delegating anything that’s going to be too complicated for me to spend time working out.
I know it probably sounds really bad and lazy of me, that’s okay with me

what exactly IS probate

Best answer to that for the UK is https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probatee*

It is the process of valuing the estate, paying any tax due and thus being recognised as the executor who will arrange distribution under the terms of the will.

I had read this but I don’t see why I have to apply if I have been legally appointed as the executor and signed to say as much with a solicitor as a witness?

The grant of probate is a legal process that confirms the validity of the will and gives you the formal right to deal with the estate. Without the grant of probate you don't have that legal right (even though you may have been appointed in the will) which is why the solely held assets in the estate remain locked up until probate is granted.

You don't have to apply in person. You can ask (and pay for) a solicitor to do it on your behalf. Just ask you can give everything you have, ideally a confirmed list, of the valuables to a solicitor and ask them to prepare the valuation of the estate.

You say that you have been asked to become an executor of a will.

You also say that the benefactor appears to be excluding offspring.

You appear to be basing your decision to become an executor by relying entirely upon what the benefactor of the will is telling you. Why wouldn’t you? Because there is usually a bigger story than is being revealed to you where offspring is concerned.

Is there a reason why you’ve chosen to get involved in this unusual scenario of offspring being shunned as executors?

It is flattering to be asked to take on special roles and to attend a legal office. It can make the person feel like the chosen one and valued.

The benefactor will know this.
They will now have any ally in you. You will protect you from the maligned offspring. They will often tell the offspring that they have you now.

And the chosen executor may think that they now may be featured in the will themselves. I am not saying you do, but some in your position will do.

Have you considered that the excluded offspring will be psychologically devastated by their parent’s decision for the rest of their lives? They will probably require years of therapy to process the fact that the person who is meant to have loved, prioritised and protected them financially, has purposely and publicly chosen not to.

The excluded party are likely to experience depression, job issues and relationship issues and feel extremely abandoned, unloved and abandoned. It is the ultimate snub. The shunning will never leave them.

I wonder if they, the excluded party are aware that this is going on, OP?

And have they tried to talk to you about their elderly parent? Have you listened to them?

Can you see where I am going with this?
What the person is telling you for the reason they want you to be executor and the reality, which may eventually be supported by evidence may be very different.

I say this is because we have experience of an elderly person who told the most elaborate tales of degradation by their adult child. The parent would make false calls to authorities (for fun, attention and malice). They would spread terrible lies about their offspring to cut them off from relatives. They seemed perfectly normal in conversation, so the chosen executor was completely taken in by them.

Why would they have done this?

1. Because they could.
2. Because they were meddlesome
3. Because they craved focussed attention and the attention they received from their offspring however loving was never enough
4. The parent had had the ability to help the offspring throughout their lives but they had chosen not to help them escape from even dangerous situations yet they still demanded help from the offspring which they continued giving until they took a step back to protect themselves
5. The offspring had noticed lies occurring and had tried to have a discussion with the parent. The parent didn’t like being asked to account for their lies and said “so what”
6. Because the parent wanted to see the offspring suffer due to an underlying mental disorder that had been carefully concealed.

It transpired that the offspring had non stop helped the parents to the extent of sacrificing property to help their pensions. The parent could only be described as narcissistic and took delight in pretending that they were hard done by.

They knew that people would respond kindly and they also knew that many secretly hoped that they would get a piece of the estate if they ‘helped’ them.

After the person died, the offspring produced a wealth of evidence to support their life long help to the parent.

The offspring had been threatened by the parent that relative X and Y were the chosen ones to provoke a reaction, so that they could prove that their lies had basis.

The offspring had been advised to lower contact to protect themselves from the toxic behaviour.

The offspring had also tried to contact the person chosen to be an executor. The appointed executor choosing to believe only what they were told by the elderly person, refused to speak to the offspring claiming that they “didn’t want to get involved”.

The reality was that they could not have been more ‘involved’. They didn’t want to believe that they had been well and truly played.

This added to the shunning the offspring felt - unjustified.

My point is please go into this with your eyes wide open.
Realise the psychological effects of your agreement to be an executor upon others may seriously cause extreme pain to their adult children.

If the situation is found to be different from the way it has been portrayed to you, you may feel foolish for believing this person and allowing your ego to be flattered, when in fact you were being used by the person in a play of malice and vindictiveness.

Ask more questions about their offspring, try to speak to their offspring before involving yourself in something that could become libellous.

I’ve never heard of the Inheritance Act, I didn’t realise anyone was actually entitled to inherit anything

The Inheritance Act doesn't give any specific entitlements. However, it allows certain family members and dependants to make a claim against the estate if the will has not made reasonable financial provision for them. A claim from an adult who was not dependent on the deceased at the time of death is unlikely to succeed but that doesn't stop them from trying.

I had read this but I don’t see why I have to apply if I have been legally appointed as the executor and signed to say as much with a solicitor as a witness

As a previous poster says, you need probate to give you the legal right to deal with the estate. If the deceased owned property or shares you will not be able to sell them without probate. You may also need probate to access all the deceased's bank accounts. The will appointing you as executor is not enough to give you this right.

The will appointing you as executor is not enough to give you this right.

To be fair, the process is as much about ensuring that any IHT due is paid before the estate is distributed ...