Harassment

[Mylifestartstoday]

I have been going through an awful 10 months because of my ex husband having an affair. He has continually threatened me - refusing to pay the mortgage, barging his way into the house, threatening to come round at ridiculous hours of the night, threatening to break in (the house is jointly owned)
I reported him to the police because I reached my limit when he again refused to pay the mortgage and became threatening about breaking into the house. He pays mortgage in lieu of maintenance payments.
He has subsequently restarted his relationship with the OW and I did something foolish, following a full day of hassle from him. I emailed them both, detailing things he had said about her when they were separated. I gave her dates and times that I knew would be of interest to her, and I gave copies of text messages he had sent me about her. Not my finest moment, but I’ve had 10 months of abuse. She has reported me for harassment, and I’ve been invited in for a voluntary interview. This report comes 3 days after I had reported him, and over 2 weeks since I emailed them both.
The police won’t do anything about his threats to come to the house because he part owns it, even though he no longer has a key, and hasn’t lived here for 10 months, yet I’m to be interviewed for an email I sent. I did not threaten, I did nothing other than fill her in on information I was privy too.
I’m terrified. I just want them to leave me alone. She has also complained to the police about our daughter telling her dad the OW must be a shit mother. The police have told her she isn’t to contact her father, if she does, she may be in trouble.
Can anyone advise me what will happen to me?

I can't comment on the specifics, but please be aware that a voluntary interview will still be under caution; it will be recorded; you may have your photographs and fingerprints taken. You have the right to a free solicitor (the police should told you that when they invited you for interview) and it is vital that you have one.

There's lots of information out there on criminal offences relating to harassment such as the CPS guidance here:

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment

Hopefully a criminal lawyer will be along soon.

That’s what worried me. That’s not how the PC broached the voluntary interview, but I thought I’d best read up, and now I’m terrified.

I don't know specifically what will happen but I would suggest you sit and write down a time line of things that have happened, threats from your husband.
Print out texts where he has threatened you, the actual email you sent anything else that you can as evidence and you go in an calmly tell them what lead you to send the email.
I would suggest legal advice also because I think it's safer to have someone who knows the law on your side.
You won't be the first wife that has done something like this and if anything I think they will tell you in a nice way to leave them alone. Which you do need to do now.
Anything that happens from now gives them ammunition to use against you.
If he's not paying the mortgage then maybe you need to look at taking that over and go through the CSA for official maintenance so you know you will get paid monthly.
The fact that she's used his own daughter in the police report just goes to show what type of women she is. She is prepared to fight dirty so this is why you need 100% step back and look at how you protect you and your child.
Good luck OP.

Contact a firm specialising in criminal law in your area tomorrow. Representation will be covered by legal aid regardless of how much you earn/have. The benefit of doing that is that the attendant will know your case and can liaise with police before your appointment as opposed to the duty solicitor on the day who will not have spent much time looking at your case. They can go through the evidence and take down your version of events, and advise you on how to talk to the police.

Possible outcomes are

• no further action, likely the police tell you to play nice
• out of court disposal (eg a formal caution, a fine)
• investigation continues without charges just yet
• you get charged, court date in the post

NON-PROFESSIONAL LEGAL ADVICE - Issues that may arise are:

• whether there is a court order prohibiting your ex from entering the house, since its jointly owned. If not, why are you denying access to his own property.
• whether there was any domestic violence in your relationship and whether you have a legitimate reason to fear your safety and health (physical and psychological)
• what your motivation was for sending those screenshots to her. If you want them to leave you alone, why are you engaging?
• whether a resolution can be made without police or court interference.

I don't see how this is harassment unless you have done other things. It has to be a course of conduct.

I suspect they have had the record a crime as they are required to do, and will interview you before finalising it..the advice about having a solicitor is a good one and it will be free. Let the officer know you intend to have legal advice. Check with a solicitors as to how best to arrange it as you don't want to be sat for hours in a police station

I haven’t done anything else. My daughter called her dad, she’s 17, she swore at him and called her a shit mother. I was still on the phone to the PC at the time. The OW must have been listening to the call, messages the PC, and the PC warned my daughter not to speak to her dad because “it wouldn’t help my case”. The whole thing seems odd, not just to me, but friends who I’ve told.
I’ve never been in trouble with the police but the PC was referring to the OW by her first name, on reflection it sounded like they’d either had dealings before professionally or she knows her out of work.
I completely understand it sounds far fetched about my daughter, but she also heard the PC tell me she’s not allowed to talk to her dad “until this is over”. Her dad tried to make out I was lying until she said she had heard it herself and all went quiet.
With regard to engaging, I do want them to leave me alone....I was foolish. I snapped after a day of constant barrage of threats, threats to come round and just break in. I appreciate he owns half the house but he doesn’t live here, has nothing in the house that is his, I’m surely allowed peace in my own home? I’ve suggested in the past that if he wishes to come and see the children I will go into the bedroom or garden etc but that doesn’t suit. He wants me out of the house if he comes, but has threatened before to get me out and not let me back, so my solicitor has told me not to leave if he is here. My daughters also don’t want him here without me in case he changes the locks or something stupid.
I bitterly regret the email. I wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted her to see the lies he continually tells. I’ve had 10 months of him trying to control things still, calling me a slag for dating when he’s the one who had a long affair, and I just lost the plot

I agree with MarieG10 . Unless it is repeated behaviour one moment of contact cannot constitute harassment. Look at the CPS definition in the link. Ring the police before you go in and ask them to look again at the definition and think again whether what you are accused of amounts to an offence.

Perhaps the police are viewing it as a potential course of conduct. If the OP sent the email and then (in the view of the police) encouraged her daughter to make the call described above, that could be enough to make out the offence.

I suppose in that instance it would be useful to be able to say that OP's daughter was wholly self-motivated when she made the call and that she had no knowledge of OP's email.

Did you find a lawyer, @Mylifestartstoday ?

I had no idea my daughter was on the phone to him, she did it while I was on the phone to the PC. I only knew when the PC hesitated (she must have immediately had a text from the OW) and told me just as my daughter came into the room. I don’t know what she said to her dad, she did swear at him and she did say the OW must be a shit mother, other than that I don’t know. She also mentioned how he has made her feel (she self harms) and he just didn’t reply, that’s when she ended the call.
I can’t get any response from my divorce solicitor so I will have to try elsewhere

Have you considered speaking to a different police officer, if there are signs that there is some sort of friendship relationship between the witch and the officer then that's actually a case of misconduct.
Plus the fact you have been given such limited information on your rights etc is completely wrong.
I wonder if they are in fact trying to scare you.

I have been told to sign a Community resolution order. The PC dealing with her complaint has just phoned. I’m not signing as the email was in no way threatening.

The PC is now claiming she never told my daughter not to contact her dad.....this is an outright lie as both of my daughters heard her say it. I asked her if she knew the woman, she claims not to. She wouldn’t discuss my daughter as she claims she never said it!
I’ve asked what will happen if I don’t sign and the PC claims no one has ever refused to sign one before so she doesn’t know?
Something is not adding up to me, I don’t know what just yet, but something isn’t right with the whole thing

Get legal advice. Delay signing anything for as long as possible. As you say, something doesn't add up.

This is very odd op. I do sometimes feel that some police officers do not understand harassment and stalking laws. My gs 16 has tried to get away from his paternal grandfather for 12 months when he has been harassed and verbally abused.

He waits for him at his college lunchtime. Tells him he has got to go and see him and swears at him if he declines. If he tries to go a different way he will drive his car to block his exit. He will wait for him glowering at him if he goes for lunch with friends and then waits outside for him and becomes very angry with him. This has gone on at least 3 times a week since September. He eventually decided he had had enough and reported it. I went with him. We heard nothing and when we rang up, they said it wasn't serious enough. It had to reach a standard that any reasonable person would find to be stalking/harassment. They said it was "just a grandad trying to see his grandson". Make what you want of that. There is a clear course of action here, verbal abuse, demands and general creepy conduct which appears to be stalking. Oh and apparently my gs had to say to him directly that he must stop which he failed to do.

You sent one email op containing no threats. It is an email containing some home truths. Perhaps unpleasant for the recipient but then you could class any solicitor's letters on behalf of another party to be upsetting in a similar way.

This PC sounds poor at best. Her response to your refusal indicates a lack of experience and perhaps it is time you spoke to her Sergeant.

Have you ever rung the officer or does the officer ring you?
Don't sign anything at all. Stating facts is not harassment.
This seems very suspicious to me.

I've just googled it and you would have to admit guilt.
Based on the fact nobody has actually spoken to you and you haven't had a case out towards you i 100% agree don't sign a thing because they do stay on your file. I agree with a PP ask to speak to a higher up and don't go in without legal support.
Do you have their PC Number? And a crime reference number?
I don't know how they can make a decision like this without actually speaking to you and show you what evidence they actually have!

library.college.police.uk/docs/appref/Community-Resolutions-Incorporating-RJ-Final-Aug-2012-2.pdf

She said that she wouldn’t be able to show me the evidence, that was in the initial call, until I was interviewed at the station. I don’t know what’s happened between then and now to change from a station interview to a community resolution. I still haven’t seen any evidence, she mentioned an email, there is nothing else she could mention unless it’s made up.
@strawberry2017. The PC has both times phoned me. First time to my
mobile, 2nd time to my house phone.
I’m not signing it, I know exactly what is in the email and I know it wasn’t threatening. It was giving her information I thought she may find useful...should I have sent it? No, of course not. I should have been the bigger person, but I’ve had months of abuse from my ex. I can’t stop him apparently until he hits me, so I thought I’d make things difficult and tell her some dates that might be of interest.

You can’t get police if you’ve been burgled yet this PC has spent hours poring over an email which states “did you know in January x that when he said he was in x, he was actually in y with us. That’s the sum total of the email.

@BobTheDuvet. The PC who was dealing with my case against my ex has said he had an email from her, and he was going to speak with her. I assumed her email was from a police email but I think I need to check.

Never ever speak to anyone of importance on the phone! Even the police.

The officer dealing with my harassment charge about my ex was terrible, to busy trying to help him get rid of his bail conditions. After the first call, I stated emails only,
From the emails I got a new officer in charge as it was clear that his actions didn't help me the victim but my ex - who's a police officer.
The only contact I have with the new officer is through email.

Also it is extremely had to prove harassment, my ex still hasn't been charged- and it all took place over 3 months ago.

This wouldn't make it to court and I guess hasn't even been pass to CPU, who would require more evidence or say No
They will try to get this sorted as easily and quickly by getting you to sign this order.
Do not. Let them carry on with the issues.
One email of evidence does not show harassment

One last thing it sounds as if you have a newly qualified officer, so she may not be following everything properly.
The fact she stated no one had said they won't sign the order is either - she doesn't no or that she is trying to convince you to do what she needs.

Do not sign a community resolution order. That involves admitting to the offence and may be disclosed on DBS checks. On the information you have posted you haven't committed an offence so you certainly shouldn't admit to one.

Something definitely doesn't feel right OP. Trust your gut. I would be wanting to speak to someone higher up. Demanding it actually.

I agree with @prh47bridge. Once you sign the CRO it can have the effect of a conviction for some things. As I said earlier, if it isn't a course of conduct...ie repeatedly behaving in a way described in the law you have not committed an offence.

I think if you have seen some social media clips of some police officers attempting to enforce the Covid legislation (ie in someone's front garden) it demonstrates how poorly some have been trained or understand the law. This doesn't sound any different and it is essential you ask the officer to explain in writing exactly what offence they believe you to have committed, why and what the evidence is.

However, they most likely won't disclose evidence before you are interviewed so get a solicitor and tell them you will be agreeing to an interview. I suspect it might not happen

The police can be good on DV and harassment, or woefully awful.

A client of mine had her estranged husband at the door wanting to get in. The police were there (called by them both) and were trying to persuade her to let him in - threatening to use force to gain entry from what I could gather. It was only when I spoke to the officer and pointed out that efforts to assist the husband to force entry as against an unwilling occupier would be an offence under the Criminal Law Act 1977 that they backed down and became much more helpful.