Divorce/Adultery/Mediation

[Changename5000]

History

H & W married 35 yrs
Separated March 2019
H & I started dating beginning June 2019
W & Partner started dating same sort of time, lasted few weeks, ended. Started Dating new person a few weeks later, still dating.

Children all grown up and we are all late 40's early 50's

No House they rented, £30,000 debt, which will be paid when lump sum comes in.

H & W are attending mediation as civil service type pension to discuss and split fairly. H wants 50/50, W wants more, she wants all the lump sum and a monthly sum paid to her until she reaches 60, which is 8yrs., he gets no lump sum, and some of the monthly pension. (She says she needs to buy a house, he has no house)

She has stopped the final mediation appointment, where they agree and sign paperwork and any further mediation she wants in separate rooms.

Anyway, letter recieved today from W, to state W is divorcing H due to adultery from Dec 2018. But this isn't the case.

There is a letter 'statement of admission' which W solicitor wants H to sign and return, also agreeing to pay all court costs.

What is the best thing to do?

He has a long list of unreasonable behaviour which her could use to divorce her, but as she gets legal aid she wanted to file.

Reasons for divorce won’t affect the outcome so use whichever one will be quickest /easiest

H is worried that if he 'agrees' to the adultery (and he doesn't) then if W demands the finance bit goes to court, the judge wont look favourably at H.

In terms of adultery, they are both as bad as each other.

Plus every time they go to mediation, it costs him £300 and her nothing as she is claiming she cant work.

Reasons for divorce are not relevant in any settlement. Finances are decided by need and generally a fair split.

Where is the lump sum coming from?

From his pension

He gets a lump sum (about 150), then monthly money.

Are you telling us all of this because you want to be told what to settle for? A public message board where everyone who responds is anonymous is not the place to be doing this. And anyone who could give advice worth taking would generally do so as part of their job, in which they have a lengthy meeting with the client to get to know their case.

No the settlement is between H and W, H us happy to hand over 50%

H was worried about the adultery charge, as W is stating we were seeing each other 5months before we did. Should he counter act, ignore or ask for it to be amended?

One thing that is leaping out to me is she has legal aid - this is currently available where there has been abuse that is documented.
OP please be wary and protect yourself this man may not be everything he pretends to be.

I can assure you there is no abuse..

She works very limited hours and has been granted legal aid.

There was coercive and controlling behaviour but from W to H

There is generally no legal aid for divorce unless there is domestic abuse.

Regardless of income, legal aid is only available for divorce cases in England & Wales where there has been domestic abuse or child abduction. The rules are different in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

If you are in England or Wales, admitting adultery will make absolutely no difference to the settlement. Entirely up to him whether he asks for the dates to be amended, asks her to go for unreasonable behaviour instead or simply accepts it as it stands. There is generally no point opposing the petition or cross petitioning - that just runs up costs. He should consult his solicitor.

Hmmm that's interesting, perhaps she has said there is DV so she can gain legal aid?

Can she do this even though there is no proof, no police reports ect?

There are plenty of red flags here - she alleges adultery; he denies it. She has legal aid; he says she was coercing him. Be careful, op.

She is alleging adultery with me, we did not start seeing each other until about 3 months after he left, the same sort if time as she started seeing her new partner.

I know she has been throughout their marriage, children have confirmed, as have close friends and colleagues.

I have known him for 7 yrs

There is absolutely no DV

perhaps she has said there is DV so she can gain legal aid

To get legal aid it isn't enough for her simply to say there was domestic abuse. She has to have evidence. See www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence for information.

Colleagues and friends have known him for 30yrs +

Domestic abuse is often invisible to the abuser's friends and colleagues. Indeed, it is often invisible to the victim's friends and colleagues. To get legal aid she must have been able to produce evidence to support an allegation of abuse as per the link I posted. There is more detail at assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/672143/evidence-requirements-private-family-law-matters-guidance-version-8.pdf.

The fact that she is receiving legal aid does not prove that there was domestic abuse beyond reasonable doubt. But it does mean that she has been able to produce evidence of abuse. It is not just her word.

I can absolutely confirm there is NO DV!!!

Maybe she has told H she is getting it, but isn't?

She wants H to pay all court costs, unsure if that would include all solicitors fees.

Would that be something the courts would do

Financial situation is all that is considered for the financial settlement, not anything else.

@Changename5000 I am not saying there is, but you have known this man for 7 months. My ExH's friends were gob smacked when they discovered what had been going on in my marriage - my friends from uni were not so much as he had isolated me from them.
Just proceed with caution do not throw all your eggs in one basket yet. Abusers bide their time it was several years until I was pregnant that the mostly emotional abuse started, but he hit me twice.
Take care of yourself first.

She can get legal aid for mediation based on income alone, no need for domestic abuse. Perhaps she has just had it for that, and not the actual divorce.

I can absolutely confirm there is NO DV!!

No. You can't. Unless you were living in that house with them both at all times.

@Lonecatwithkitten

I have known him 7 Years....

The "abuse" coercive and controlling behaviour, controlling money, not allowed out etc was on her side to him.

Its hard to explain, but I know there was no DV on his side to her.

@fourmonthstogo

Yes this is what I think has happened, which is why she is asking for her costs to be paid via the courts.

As a PP said, legal aid is available for mediation just on grounds of low income. It should also entitle both parties to some help. At least an initial session should be free for both even if one party has to pay for further sessions.

Right looks like W has received legal aid for mediation, but not for the divorce, which is why she wants to claim 100% cost from H.

She sent a long list of demands to him yesterday via WhatsApp saying this is what her solicitor wants answers to, but if the solicitor writes a letter it will cost her.

He has now blocked her and wants to go back to mediation to sort it out, as he thought they were getting somewhere.

He just wants a fair deal 50/50 for both

We shall see