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Original poster

Separated and due in 6 weeks...double barrel name??

42 replies

newexperiencesbaby · 02/01/2020 20:10

Hi All,
Just need some advice please. I'm due in 6 weeks with my ds. Husband lives abroad in America. I dont feel his intentions are good as he's stated before he will take baby to live in America and I can stay here. When it comes to naming the baby, if I put a double barrelled name with my surname being last, would I still need his permission for travel etc? Fathers surname will be on birth certificate of course.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 02/01/2020 20:11

You are not obliged to use his name or put him on birth certificate.

HollowTalk · 02/01/2020 20:12

I would ask for legal advice, but frankly I'd have my name on the baby's birth certificate.

Rollonspringtime2020 · 02/01/2020 20:13

Your surname and you only on bc.
He is already showing he does not have your baby's best interests at heart if he is threatening to take it from it's dm.

ZenNudist · 02/01/2020 20:14

Suggest not putting his name on birth certificate amd no don't double barrel, just use your name. You don't want him taking your baby to live in America do you? Take legal advice.

dementedpixie · 02/01/2020 20:14

If he is on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility and yes, you are supposed to get permission before taking a child abroad. Is it your first child? Could you not just give the baby your name? Is he coming back any time soon?

Bythebeach · 02/01/2020 20:15

Why double barrel father’s surname? You’re not sure his intentions are good? Use your surname only! Even if he is the best of fathers, there’s zero need for the child to carry his surname unless that is what you both want and agree.

babycatcher411 · 02/01/2020 20:18

Technically you’d still need to provide ‘proof’ of permission to go abroad as even double barrelled you don’t have the same surname as baby. You each have your own surnames, and baby has both which whilst representing you both makes it an entirely different surname IYGWIM

Luzina · 02/01/2020 20:19

Just give your child your surname.

HeddaGarbled · 02/01/2020 20:19

It’s not the baby’s name that will prevent you travelling without the father’s permission - it’s whether he has legal parental responsibility or not. Naming him as father on the birth certificate gives him automatic PR, so don’t do that.

dementedpixie · 02/01/2020 20:20

It's nothing to do with surname for going abroad, it's to do with parental responsibility which is given if both parents are on the birth certificate.

I'd register with just you on the birth certificate and give them your name

Verily1 · 02/01/2020 20:28

Omg do you not want this baby?

He is already threatening to kidnap them and over there you would have no rights whatsoever. Would you be happy NEVER seeing your dc again?

You are being supremely naive!

Get a lawyer.

Do not let him put his name on bc.

Surname is irrelevant but best being yours since dad is abroad and not going to have regular contact.

firstimemamma · 02/01/2020 20:29

"Your surname and you only on bc.
He is already showing he does not have your baby's best interests at heart if he is threatening to take it from it's dm."

Couldn't agree with this more.

Original poster
newexperiencesbaby · 02/01/2020 20:58

Thank you all. I was veering more to just my surname. He's tried to be really nice as of late but switched again. Now saying he doesn't earn enough for child support. He's on a 120K salary and already pays for another child in America. I wasn't sure if his name wasn't on bc, would i still get child support? I have REMO's details to help with the court case after the baby is born. They informed me there wouldn't be a fee and they would represent me in court there and ensure I got 10% of his salary. I haven't told him of this but he's already told me if I take hin to court I won't get anything close to what his ex is getting.

OP posts:
Original poster
newexperiencesbaby · 02/01/2020 21:01

Found this on that gingerbread site...thank you @Luzina

Supporting children financially
Parental responsibility does not affect the duty a parent has to maintain their child financially – all parents have a duty to pay towards their child’s upbringing, whether or not they have parental responsibility.

OP posts:
Sunshinegirl82 · 02/01/2020 21:02

If you are married I believe the father has automatic parental responsibility regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate.

I would seek legal advice about how best to protect yourself and your baby. Are you seeking a divorce?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/01/2020 21:03

Have you begun divorce proceedings?

carly2803 · 02/01/2020 21:05

do not give the baby his surname or put him on there

he would be able to take the baby abroad without your permission, especially with his name on there and his surname. you must be mad to even consider it

it can be changed in the furture but you cannot change the babys name without his permission wit him on - so if you never see him again and you want to change schools/or whatever and he says no - tough!

mumxthr33 · 02/01/2020 21:07

If you don't think his intentions are good leave him off the birth certificate. He can always be added later. Your name only too.

Original poster
newexperiencesbaby · 02/01/2020 21:09

This is both our 2nd marriage. I have a child from a previous marriage and the dad doesn't have parental responsibility (they can't locate him).

We have not started divorce proceedings but he's constantly trying to get me to get a US passport for the baby, it's scary. Long story short, I moved over last August to marry him, he cheated 2 months later, I moved back here, he came back begging and once again I uprooted mine and my daughter's life this August only for him to treat us poorly again. Now I'm back to stay because I know I cannot rely on him for anything. He's still trying to get us to move over again...not happening. I have family and friends here to support me. He still hasn't gotten anything apart from a buggy for the baby. My family and friends have had to pick up the pieces. I'm just grateful I was able to find a flat, car, etc and restart mine and my daughter's lives again after all this.

OP posts:
MrsBricks · 02/01/2020 21:10

As they're married I think his name has to go on the birth certificate?

He could also register the birth without the OP if he wanted, so I would delay telling him the baby is born until you have registered him.
You can give him just your surname if you want though.

dementedpixie · 02/01/2020 21:13

He cant register the birth if he's in America! His name doesnt have to go on

Original poster
newexperiencesbaby · 02/01/2020 21:14

Married or not, his name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate. I was married before, I never put it on.

OP posts:
Saltdoughmuncher · 02/01/2020 21:16

If you are married you have to put his name on the certificate and he doesn’t have to attend the office with you.

Sunshinegirl82 · 02/01/2020 21:18

I don't think you can be forced to add his name to the birth certificate but my understanding is that he will have automatic parental responsibility whether he is on the birth certificate or not as you are married.

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