Malicious Call to the Police

[KellyBZ]

This evening my household had a visit from the police. It caught me completely off guard as I was in my kitchen engrossed in a telephone conversation with a girlfriend (talking about my brothers mental health, and my MP offering to help him out).

I turned around to face the living room and was completely taken aback to see a police officer in my living room and another following behind.

I was totally dumb struck, as I didn't even hear the door knock or hear my partner answer the door.

They were attending a call regarding a domestic disturbance... a domestic disturbance that didn't exist.

Anyway, they could probably see the shock on my face, and heard me quickly explaining and hanging up on my friend. (who had only left mine an hour before, after having spend the day with me, her sister and her baby).

They could see that my partner had sat back down to continue what he was doing, which was changing our baby's nappy whilst watching Question Time on the TV.

I told them it was a malicious call, most likely from the neighbour, as.....

The neighbour did called the police last night, whilst we were, admittedly having an argument over DIY.

I accept that yesterday, we were arguing quite loudly for about 10 minutes, and our voices were further raised because the baby was having an (infrequent) bad evening with her teething and she was crying for that reason, her crying was adding to our stress of the DIY and decorating, as did the spilt bucket of paper paste that went all over the carpet. So yeah, there was a brief spell of yelling.

The police came out, saw that we were decorating, saw that the baby was fine (she had settled down) and they left, leaving us a warning about noise complaints.

Anyway, me & my partner have been having serious communication issues and there is probably a loud argument at least once a week. We're aware that it's not good, and we're working on an action plan to improve the situation. Our relationship is currently in crisis. However there is no domestic violence, no smashing of things, just two people arguing. I can accept that she might be fed up of the arguing, I don't appreciate that her first point of call being the police when she could just approach us herself.

She seems like a busy body anyway, as she leaves notes on peoples car telling them not to park in front of her drive, when she doesn't actually have a drive, she has a front garden like everybody else - and she doesn't even drive so has no car to park!

I feel like she taken a dislike to us (dur), as she pointedly slams her windows and doors if I walk past her house or walk into my back garden. She also plays Opera music really loudly at between 12-2am in her bedroom with is joined to ours, I'm pretty sure she's doing it to piss us off - but I let it slide.

I didn't take last nights call to the police too personally, as we did have an argument, and last week and the week before I had an issue with my mentally unwell brother turning up here, and with the police dropping him off to me as he's schizophrenic and homeless. I've had to call the police to remove him once, and he's yelled outside my house a few times. I feel like this has contributed to her anger and her need to raise a complaint.

She probably thinks the incidents with my brother were incidents with my partner, as her blinds are always down, she wouldn't have seen any differently.

Anyway, this evening, I can promise everybody on my life that there have been no arguments or raised voices in this house. I had a good day, all things considered. Yet she's just felt the need to make a completely malicious call about a made up event - I'm just left in disbelief.

No doubt she wanted to trigger some reaction from me, but instead I called the non-emergency police ton make to report the fact this was a completely made up event - unfortunately the call handler guy was as snotty as can be and basically called me a liar, and said its their job to attend calls. I said I don't dispute that fact, but this event is 110% made up and now do I have to live in fear of false allegations?

I have a baby at home (who is perfectly safe and well loved), now I have to live with this hanging over my head. I'm not worried about the Social being called because I know I'll pass their assessment - I'm a perfectly adequate parent, relationship troubles aside. But I'm fuming that all it's takes is a malicious person to bring these services into your life.

What do I do about this neighbour? The police guy said he'd get a case manager to call me back, but he was completely condescending.

I think you need council mediation for the noise (both sides).

It's possible s/he could hear you having your phone call through the wall, and, if your tone were animated, thought, 'Oh here we go again, I'm fed up if this.'

Agree with PP who have said she likely called while you were having a row last night and they’ve responded today. So.. it’s not really malicious is it? By your own admission, you have weekly shouting matches and it sounds like she’s had enough. Can’t say I blame her really. Instead of focusing all your energy on this neighbour and the ‘malicious’ phone call, perhaps you should put that energy into your relationship and fixing the issues that are resulting in your weekly fights.

We understand that frequent arguing isn't healthy. Our relationship has reached the point of make or break. Unfortunately that involves some arguing - we can't all be perfect humans all the time. We aim to make or break by January so we can have a happier 2020.

It is a wake up call. This is my first child, parenting is new to me.
I've heard hundreds of horror stories regarding the social services n the like, I do not view these organisations with trust, but rather with mistrust (due to their own systematic failings and bullying of parents).

The world has changed a lot in the last 20 years. When I was growing up, my mother could have tried to murder me and the services probably wouldn't have batted a eyelid. Today it's a complete 180 and you have the state threatening to take your kids of you for all sorts of stupid reasons.

This is going off on a tangent, but my cousin briefly had the social in her life and they gave her a really hard time over the fact that the children "had too many toys" and other things that really ought to be irrelevant to anyone but the parents.

I don't think our arguments warrant a police response (although I do not begrudge any call made in genuine concern), I certainly don't think a made up report deserves a police response, but what terrifies me the most is how much control your neighbours, enemies, school teachers and social services could exercise over your life.

The fact that my complaint over a malicious call was treated with condescension confirms those fears.

Thanks again for the constructive comments. I'm not a huge fan of posting on this site as it can often be hostile, but I thought there would be plenty of mums & dads on here who might have gone through something similar.

I'm concerned in case it happens again So is your neighbour.

The police did respond to yesterdays call yesterday. They police said today that there were responding about an incident today.

If its a toss up out of the police crossing their wires and the neighbour making a malicious call, my bet's on the neighbour.

I had a great day with my friend today, and we were having a rather quite conversation on the phone. Nothing could have been misinterpreted by the neighbour today.

I'm not sure why I'm having such trouble convincing some of you.

But anyway, thanks for the responses, I'm not going to invest much more time in worrying about the barmy bat and her vindictiveness.

The best way to avoid any further trouble from the police or social services is not to argue like that any more. It's not good for your baby's stress levels and clearly not good for either of you. You could go for counselling to explore means to de-escalate disputes. It's important. Bring angry at the neighbour is a distraction.

Whilst I take on board your points about learning better communication methods, I don't personally find it a minor thing that I have a neighbour who wastes police time out of malice, and I find it strange that some of your seem to be condoning such malice, especially considering that I've done nothing malicious to her.

C'est la vie.

she could just approach us herself

She’s scared of you and your family. Loud and frequent rows are scary. She’s not being mean to you. She is afraid.

You are not the victim here.

We were the victim of a malicious call. I don't see how this point keeps getting pushed aside.

It’s obviously hard for you to be objective here OP, you’re right in the thick of it but as the impartial party and going off the information you’ve given it, a fair few of us can see it from your neighbours POV. Maybe put yourself in her shoes and see what you think. Weekly arguments etc... a lot of people are under the same stressors as you (some more so) and aren’t having weekly rows and pissing off the neighbours. We aren’t condoning her malice, we’re sympathising with her situation. You don’t sound like the easiest person to live next to tbh. Since you asked.

We were the victim of a malicious call. I don't see how this point keeps getting pushed aside.

It isn't getting pushed aside. Some people just don't agree it's malicious. Three could be many reasons for the call and visit as explained several times over ^

You however are adamant it was malicious and are not willing to even consider that it is anything else.

You have an abusive relationship ?

And a young child (poor thing god help her )

And you want to know what to do to your neighbour ???

I wish I knew your address I would call social services myself .

Your clearly not a victim in this

That poor child

Your question was "what should I do about my neighbour?"
I would probably choose to ignore them because confronting them would be seen as intimidating/harassment.
But maybe highlight in a big loud voice next time your hanging your laundry out how "kind and friendly the police are that popped by"
Perhaps if they understand that the police don't see any wrongdoing they'll be reluctant to sh*t stir.
Then join neighbourhood watch and it'll give them something different to talk about.

How old is your baby OP?

I am just thinking, it's quite well known that DV usually begins or escalates during pregnancy or with a new baby. It could be genuinely frightening for your neighbour to hear you arguing frequently and hearing the baby crying too.

If as PPs have said, they have today heard you talking loudly or heard someone else and mistook it for you and your partner, it really could be that it's not malicious.

My advice would be to just leave it, as hard as it must be and as shaken up as you must be by 2 police visits in as many days. However obviously if you get future calls or visits, you will need to explain that you feel these calls are malicious.

Big loud shouting matches that frequently aren't the sign of a healthy and stable relationship though, so again that leads me as a neutral outsider to believe there's a chance it's not malicious. I hope you guys can either resolve your issues or make a clean break, it sounds like a sad and stressful situation to have a new baby in. But then again a new baby can really change the dynamics of a relationship and some people behave oddly while adjusting.

I wonder if the neighbour heard something and called the police a bit hasty but because they're concerned for your child.

Weekly loud arguments is not good for your baby- I imagine social services has already been contacted as they usually are after police attend domestic incidents. If you're having weekly arguments with your baby there maybe you need their support?

Do you understand how anxious your arguments might make your neighbour? Have you any empathy at all for their situation?

I can accept that she might be fed up of the arguing, I don't appreciate that her first point of call being the police when she could just approach us herself.

Some people are not good at face to face chats about noise and if you have regular screaming matches, as you have admitted, then that is likely the reason she didn't talk to you face to face. She did try and tell you about the noise level, that's what the opera playing was about.

Whilst I take on board your points about learning better communication methods, I don't personally find it a minor thing that I have a neighbour who wastes police time out of malice, and I find it strange that some of your seem to be condoning such malice, especially considering that I've done nothing malicious to her.

But you are by your own admission a noisy, disruptive neighbour. If you want no further visits from the Police I suggest you pipe down.

I can accept that she might be fed up of the arguing, I don't appreciate that her first point of call being the police when she could just approach us herself.

Why? You two clearly get into shouting mode (loud enough for neighbours to hear, regularly!) so why would she think her popping in to let you know it's loud would make you both pipe down and be respectful of your neighbours in the long run?

Or should she come over every time you argue to give you a heads up you're being so loud they can hear. I wouldn't want to go to someone's house and essentially get involved in an aggressive argument between a couple.

You're asking her to come over and ask/tell you to behave like adults. That's not her job. You know you regularly have shouty arguments. It's not news to you, you're just continuing to do it.

Grow up.

I don't personally find it a minor thing that I have a neighbour who wastes police time out of malice

You haven't demonstrated that she acted out of malice. It really doesn't sound as if the police thought so. You seem to think that shouting at each other is unavoidable, but it really isn't.

I don't think your neighbours do sound like a nightmare unlike some PP. You have a child and are having regular screaming matches, enough for your neighbours to hear abs ring the police. I was regularly beaten up by my XP and in ten years the police were never called (until I rang them myself), I wish to god I'd have had your neighbours.

I've called the police because of noisy rows and I would do so again. It can be a sign of domestic abuse and I'd rather send the police round that have an injured neighbour.

There's no evidence your neighbour acted maliciously. Have you considered she may be looking out for your welfare?

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/im-worried-about-someone-else/#1573031900672-43a9ad24-abbc

Your attitude is bizarre. You've had the police attend more than once. Now you've had them at your house twice in 2 days and the only issue you can see is that for once you weren't having a screaming match when the police arrived??

I bet your neighbour is wishing you would hurry up and split up so she gets some peace.

Your issue isn’t with your neighbour, apart from the Opera music, that would have to be sorted by a knock on the door to sort out.

It sounds as though the Police did a welfare check. The arguing, including over the top of a crying baby doesn’t sound great, brother shouting outside and having to be removed by Police. Doesn’t bode well for great relationships with the neighbour.

I’d let this go and hopefully all settles down.