Ex is threatening to take me to court if I don't write him a letter saying he has overnight custody so he can get a council house. Please help I'm really upset about this.

[Shrapnel]

My ex is by choice living in a homeless shelter, it's the type of shelter where you need a job to stay there.
When we broke up ( because the 4 hospitals dd visits regularly weren't in an area he wanted to live) he moved in with his gran but she kicked him out, then his parents kicked him out so he's living in a shelter despite having a well paying full time job.
I feel like I've been pretty accomodating letting him stay in my house every weekend so he could see dd and I regularly let him take dd up to his parents so they can all spend time with her ( he can't have dd in the shelter) but I've been putting up with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from him every weekend and his loud angery outbursts terrify dd so I finally had enough after he cornered me and screamed in my face for the millionth time.
I don't want him in my house anymore but I'd never stop him from seeing dd so for the past few weekends his parents have been driving down with him to pick dd up and they stay at his parents.
He's now demanding a letter from me saying he has overnight custody so he can get a council house despite being perfectly capable of finding somewhere to rent.
I really don't want to put anything in writing because I don't trust him and when I told him this he called me everything under the sun and made dd cry. Can he really take me to court for this? Do I really owe him a letter?
Sorry this is so long.

Time to report his emotional abuse to police and get a SHL to act for you.

Well he can try but no judge is going to make you write that letter

Council houses don't grow on trees. And you still have to pay rent on them, it's not free accommodation.
He's deluded

There is a long waiting list for council houses, and unless he has a disability he will be put at the bottom.

Your DD is adequately housed with you so he saying he needs housing for her is irrelevant.

Don't write the letter and ignore him. If he abuses you again get the evidence and go to the police.

Also as he has contact with your joint DD at his parents no court would be interested. Just make sure on your part you keep offering contact like that.

Do not write the letter. Of course he can't take you to court for that. He'd have no grounds. It's morally wrong to try to get a council house when you could afford somewhere else. Council houses are for people who can't afford private rentals and there aren't enough as it is.

it's the type of shelter where you need a job to stay there.

What country do you live in OP?

Most councils don't take overnight stays into account when allocating social housing, it is only when it will be the child's main home that it makes a difference.

Take you to Court for what exactly?
For you not agreeing to lie to the council for him? Keep any evidence of this.
You're quite right to not let him into your home any more.
It's concerning that your DD witnesses him shouting at you. In your shoes, I might be telling him he can no longer have contact with DD, (unless it's supervised by his parents and he behaves in front of them) and then he'd have a real reason to go to court.
Usually solicitors advise that this could cost them about £25K as it's an involved and lengthy procedure.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it really means a lot.
I keep thinking about taking his abuse it to the police but I worry it would make things worse, he's already said he'll do his best to make dd believe that I'm a useless shit mum and that hurts, I think it would just provoke him but it would be nice if it stopped. What's SHL?.

He has no disabilities, he's just ridiculously entitled and doesn't want to put the effort in to finding somewhere to live. He feels like I owe him it despite him being the one who left.
I definitely won't write him a letter now, thank you and I'm more than happy to keep letting him see her at his parents I just couldn't put up with him coming to mine anymore, it's really affected my mental health.
I'm in Scotland, I'm not really sure how it works but he pays a small amount of rent for a bed and bathroom in a charity run building and he shares kitchen facilities with the other people who live there.

Think about this clearly. He's saying he's going to take you to court because you refuse to help him commit fraud. A judge would LOVE to hear that one. This moron is not going to be taking you to court. The only issue you really need to address is why you are letting this violent and abusive man have access to your daughter.

It's heartbreaking seeing her so upset because of him but he does behave around his parents, at the moment it's just me he shouts at. I wish I could do something like that but I could never afford it.

Definitely start making a log of all the instances of domestic violence - shouting in your face like that is violence.
I would contact Women's aid (or Scottish equal) and the police to start officially building an official picture of how he treats you and your dd - you might need this evidence in the future to keep your dd safe.

Like other posters have said - he's talking shit about taking you to court.
Concentrate on keeping yourself and your dd safe

SHL shit hot lawyer

SHL is Shit Hot Lawyer.

You urgently need to contact Womens Aid Scotland.
womensaid.scot/
You need to ask for help dealing with your Ex. They can provide it.

Your ex is massively abusive. You need support, and you need to be guided through the court process that will end the visitation of the child involved here. It is not in her best interests to continue to suffer visits from this angry abuser.

Is there a court order in place establishing custody and visitation?

I never considered it fraud so that makes a lot more sense thank you. Honestly I don't really know how these things work I've just read stuff online that's scared me and because he hasn't hit me or anything the courts might give him custody. Not that he's in a position to get it I don't think but he could afford a lawyer whereas I can't.

Please don't facilitate access to your dd for him. Hes a shit father and doesnt give a damn about scaring her. He is abusing her, and you.

Keep him out of your home, for good.

Its clear how much he is abusing you both that you would even consider writing such a letter, and that you let him in your home with your dd when hes so abusive.

You have gone passed that point of being about to feel just how much this affects you both each time it happens, its become normal,but its still terrifying your little dd

It is surely not in your DD's best interests for such a horrible, abusive and frightening man to have continued access to her, regardless of how he behaves around his parents so I think you need to stop facilitating that.

How do you know that he always behaves himself around his parents? They and his grandmother have both kicked him out for some reason. Ask yourself why. He may well have behaved badly there and been shown the door, whatever he tries to tell you.

Doesn't he have her overnight but at his parents'? Is that not what you meant?
If so, then why is it fraud?
Sorry if I've misunderstood.

Penelope, it is because he is trying to fraudulently obtain a council house, to which he is not entitled.

He sounds to have made himself intentionally homeless. I've no idea how be is managing to take up a place in a homeless shelter yet still has a good job that would enable him to afford private rent.

Remember that both his parents and his grandmother have kicked him out too.

His DD is adequately housed with her mother, so he has no need of a council house, which are in very short supply now.

This sounds awful but I do have a log book that I started the day he showed up to the hospital, I got sick of writing in it all the time. I did manage to record the conversation regarding this issue though because I was expecting it as he was texting me about it during the week.

I think I will get in touch with womens aid because I really don't know how this all works. It's stressing me out so much I can't sleep. No it's not court ordered just an agreement between us.
In the past he's ghosted us for weeks at time then claimed i was keeping her from him and I got letters through the door so I facilitate it because I'm scared. I sound daft reading all this back. I really have gotten use to it.
It's really not, she went away with them last night and she was screaming and crying and reaching out to me, I don't want to keep putting her through this. That's true I really don't know. He's still not allowed in their house on his own.
Yes currently he has her at his parents but he wants me to provide written evidence that he has custody so he can get a house.

It sounds more like an American style SRO hostel than a shelter?

OP, please call Women's Aid Scotland.

You need to start understanding what your ex is doing, and you urgently need to be told your rights and given support dealing with him.

Buy this:
www.amazon.co.uk/d/cka/Why-Does-He-Do-That-Inside-Controlling/0425191656?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
"Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft.

You will find your ex in this book.

He pretty much did, he only lived with us at the new place for about 3 months before he quit his job and moved in with his gran.
I'm feeling a lot more reassured now though, thank you so much.

Do not write the letter he wants from you no matter what he threatens you with.

Steel yourself and refuse to let your DD off to see him again.

Let the grandparents know they are welcome to see DD at your house without ex, if you think DD gets on well with them and they are reasonable people.

Talk to DD's school about the stress she is feeling. It's possible they have someone she could talk to, or someone they could refer her to.