My DC have disclosed physical and emotional abuse when visiting exH, what happens now?

[Finals1234]

My DD3 (age 7) told school she is scared of dad on her visits to him, and he hits her and her sisters. DD2 (age 10) was then also questioned and corroborated the story. DD1 (age 12) is at high-school, and although she hasn't been hit she is scared of him.

Police and social workers have come to talk to them at home - police want to question him and potentially charge him, but if he denies or states no comment then the case will be dropped. So they have asked if I would allow the children to give video evidence instead.

DDs are scared of him and don't want him to know they have raised a complaint - they say they would prefer he carries on as before (hitting, emotional abuse) rather than him knowing they have said this about him, especially as he is sometimes nice so the situation is confusing for them.

Social worker is more concerned/concentrated on the emotional impact and said she will support us with getting child contact orders in place (we don't have any custody arrangements, the DDs have lived with me since I left 5 years ago and he has never contested this), although they have seen him regularly throughout this time.

I am considering them giving video evidence if they are happy with this but having read up online it looks like they would also need to be cross-examined in court, is this right? In this case I am not sure I want to put them through this.

The trouble is, you’re stopping contact without any actual proof that they have been hit, apart from what the girls are saying.

It is possible you could get contact stopped on that basis, but not certain by any means. Have you ever seen any marks on them? Did you take photographs? Are we talking about beatings or “reasonable chastisement”? Once it’s in court, it’s out of your control, that’s the problem.

The court will “listen to” the children but that is not the same as doing what they want without question.

The trouble is, you’re stopping contact without any actual proof that they have been hit, apart from what the girls are saying.
Those are exactly my concerns, it is so grey. The girls are all saying the same, consistent thing and they are showing signs of being affected by his behaviour to different degrees. Social worker is of course agreeing with the girls and with me, especially given his past behaviour. But we have no concrete proof and I feel that he will easily be able to counter the disclosures with some rubbish lines, as he has already done so with the police.

He has not been beating them, but has hit them at various points and handled them roughly. I didn't take any photos as it happened on day 1 of a 2 week stay with him over the summer holidays, so I wasn't there. It also didn't sound like it was anything that would leave a mark.

Once it’s in court, it’s out of your control, that’s the problem. The court will “listen to” the children but that is not the same as doing what they want without question.

I agree, and I don't want to feel that court will come up with the right response because my previous experience has been that they don't.

@Finals1234 I have been where you are, but in my case ExH was exposing DD to verbal and emotional abuse so impossible to document. Like you SS said they would not get involved whilst I was protecting her welfare.
I blocked ExH on the phone and only accepted emails as I could look at them when I was ready. The first month was awful, I found it so hard it is the only time in my life that I have had suicidal thoughts. ExH huffed and puffed, but never took me to court as he didn't want everything dragged out and he can maintain that I am an evil mother who blocks contact. Every so often he flares up and it is unpleasant.
My DD is older now, 16, she meets him in coffee shops, uses him as a taxi service and a cash point machine. She sees him as the bully he is.

I would suggest giving Rights of Women a call - they're female lawyers who work as volunteers, helping women in situations like yours. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

This section has some very useful advice rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-family-court-process/

I spoke to them when I split from my violent ex & we were going through contested contact.

Good luck. You've got this!