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Original poster

divorcesettlement advice

54 replies

suethepoo · 21/09/2019 19:59

I'm a divorcing single mum. i won't bore you all with the background of my marriage but let's say it was controlling to say the least, with a lot of financial control.

i have my fdr coming up and with a lot of financial help from my parents am able to get good counsel. my husband has lied a lot in his disclosure but i simply do not have the funds to unpick all the lies. the way it stands at the moment is 300k equity in the fmh, with a mortgage of 600k remaining. he also owns 2 properties totalling another 300k equity. he earns 14k per month net.

im favouring a mesha order in which he pays the mortgage and we spilt 50\50 in 17 years. ill be 55. this will be based on him paying the mortgage of 2 k per month. I'd also like 2k per month child benefit and 1k spousal. is this reasonable?

how long do i get spousal maintenance for? i work 2 days a week at the moment and earn 1k per month. my baby a 1. any advice would be welcome. thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:09

i get why a clean break is better but just not viable to be near baby nursery and support network. I'd have to move miles away and leave my life

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/09/2019 17:10

What's his pension worth?

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:11

apprantly he has no pension.

OP posts:
Techway · 22/09/2019 17:16

So I guess his case is that his properties are pre marriage so not included. That could have some validity as he may also show challenges with getting equity released.

I think selling the house is most likely as judges do prefer clean breaks where there is opportunity and in your case there is.

It is best to have a reasonable expectation on a target house price and perhaps go for a larger share of equity. You are young and whilst it seems tough now due to baby years you will be able to rebuild your career.
You may not get all of the available equity but perhaps slightly more than 50%. Maintenance on his salary could be at CMS % without the cap so that is circa £2-2.5k. If that includes shares or bonus he will say these are not guaranteed and judges may have some sympathy to that position.

You would want to have it agreed that neither party apply to CMS after a year and that RPI or CPI applies annually.

RandomMess · 22/09/2019 17:19

Do you believe him?

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:20

i don't believe a word he says. but he earns in another jurisdiction and is the boss so his HR staff write whatever letters he asks for.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 22/09/2019 17:22

You need to include some thoughts on your child's schooling. Did you anticipate private schooling? How would,d that work now. Even if you didn't make sure there is provision for university education, so that you dont end up solely supporting DC through uni as he either wont provide statements or leaves you topping up loans or whatever it is by then.

Africa2go · 22/09/2019 17:23

How long did you live together before marrying?

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:25

he will say he will pay for schooling but then he may stop. i live near very good state schools...part of the reason we moved here. bloody nightmare the whole thing. i guess i could use some maintenance to pay for my own interest only mortgage. is that even possible?

OP posts:
Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:26

6 years solidly lived together before marrying. with 5 years together before that

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/09/2019 17:34

Seriously forensic accountant and get as much equity now as you can as I don't think he'll
Pay anything after the first year!

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 17:40

thank you for the advice. means a lot

OP posts:
Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 18:24

i guess i try and take as much equity as poss and try and get a small interest only mortgage with my maintenance. will mortgage companies take maintenance into account?

OP posts:
sandyvacancy · 22/09/2019 18:47

I believe they do. I really would try and avoid an interest only mortgage though - how will you pay it off at the end?

LemonPrism · 22/09/2019 19:00

You want £60k a year In benefits from him? That's triple my full time salary. You will need to get a full time job because frankly moaning that he's being unfair when you have an Au Pair but only work 2 days a week makes you sound like an out of touch princess - the judge will likely think similarly.

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 19:03

lemonprism...you have no idea what ive been through with this man. I've had to take out payday loans to pay the council tax...he earns 14k per month. he abducted my child. you sound bitter. sorry for you

OP posts:
Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 19:04

payday loans while we were married.

OP posts:
Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 19:14

thankfully my divorce is not based on your annual salary

OP posts:
sandyvacancy · 22/09/2019 19:57

It would weird if it was wouldn’t it! Everyone’s divorce based on a random mumsnetter’s salary

Original poster
suethepoo · 22/09/2019 20:04

yes sandyvacancy...its all relative. i just don't get spiteful comments....but I'm new here

OP posts:
Techway · 22/09/2019 23:38

He will argue for a clean break (maybe 3 years) and I think he will get one. Could moving to your support network be an option? Don't discount it if it helps with childcare. You could make it a condition of finances that he agrees to your move.

Look to get equity and try to get a property with a mortgage. Yes some lenders will take into account court ordered maintenance.

His earnings are mostly irrelevant as it is about 50:50 split of assets and what you can earn if you can maximise your income. needs.
Childcare is crushing but it won't be forever. Rather than have a top figure as you outlined at the start you need to do a bottom up budget. assume your solicitor has encouraged you to fill in a predicted monthly expenses form?

600k house may not be do'able, assume 300k equity and what you could bridge the gap with by salary/benefits.

I hope fdr goes well for you but unfortunately women are always much worse off after divorce so it is better to have realistic expectations

Men however still complain about being fleeced however as they resent money going to an Ex when in reality it is to support their child

MidniteScribbler · 23/09/2019 03:45

You want him to pay your mortgage for 17 years??

Collaborate · 23/09/2019 06:19

Some of the amateur advice on here has been terribly misleading and wrong.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 06:38

The problem is that so many small details will impact it.

My experience says that the judge wont order it so he pays all the mortgage for 17 years, you not pay anything and get 50:50 upon sale.

The difficulties you have is that, he earns outside the uk and could just move. And he has paperwork to back up his lies.

You are right to not take ip the offer of private schools. He will use that to control you.

I agree (and this is my opinion only) that you need to be going for as much equity as you can, so you are relying on him the least amount possible. You may need to return to work, full time. 2k plus CMS will pay childcare. Another issue is that you only loved together for 5 years. So even if a judge decides to include the years living together as well as the marriage, it's still not a long time.

The rescue dogs and au pair doesnt really come into it. Personally I think spousal support until your child goes to school is fair. It means you can slowly up your days at work. You already have an au pair, so have the support in place.

If I were you I would make myself financially independent as quickly as possible. Let's be honest, if one month in years to come he just doesnt pay or pays late, how damaging would that be?

Or has a way of reducing his wage on paper and gets a variation to CMS?

As I said, this is my opinion only. But if I were you I would push for clean break and getting as much as possible.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 06:42

i just don't get spiteful comments....but I'm new here.

Fwiw I dont think people mean ti be spiteful. Sometimes their position can be quite bad, and they would kill for a small percentage of those figures. Ita difficult when you are on your arse and someone is moaning about 5 figure sums.

That said, that's not your fault.

Also since my divorce my earnings have more than doubled because I ensured financial independence. It's a much happy and secure place to be.

Good luck OP.

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