Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Friend objecting double barrell

36 replies

KungFuPandaWorks · 26/08/2019 18:55

Background: Male friend has an 11 year old son which has his surname. Him and the ex split when his son was 3 months. When he was one, the mum got with a new partner and has been with him ever since and has been married for 8 years. The son also has 2 siblings from his Mums side.

The mum has approached the father and asked can she double barrel sons surname, adding the married name. She gave the reasons as 4 members in the house have that name, she's been with the husband 10 years it's not like it's a new partner, she has stated the son has mentioned at times feeling left out and the fact my friend is marrying someone and that lady will end up with the same surname and the son is feeling a bit sad that he will share a name with a woman that isn't his family.

My friend has spoke with his son and son has confirmed the above. My friend refused the name change, and the woman is now saying she will take it through court and will more than likely get approved.

My friend has suggested she can double barrel it with her maiden name, which she refused on the grounds of that isn't her name, isn't her other 2 children's names either. Son is the only odd one out, so would be easier for his name to be changed.

My friend is wondering is the ex correct, does she stand a good chance of a judge approving the name change?

OP posts:
ReasonedCamper · 26/08/2019 19:16

Why do women give kids a Dad’s name only, and then change name to another man’s name?

Had her child had her name-DadName in the first place, and then followed the same principle for her next children, all the kids would have had one name in common.

Your friend is being a patriarchal dick, which many men are about names. But the mother left herself wide open to this because if the choices she made.

ThisIsMeOrIsIt · 26/08/2019 19:42

How sad for the boy to admit to his dad he feels left out and the dad to still refuse the name change.

My brother has a step-daughter who legally changed her name to include my brother's surname, as she was the only one in the family not to have it. She's part of the family, she has a right to be included in this way if she wants.

I think your friend should let it be double barrelled, tbh.

PatriciaHolm · 26/08/2019 19:47

Given she's double-barrelling (rather than just changing it and removing his) and the child has expressed a desire for it, and is old enough to have his wishes taken into account, she stands a good chance yes. The courts don't tend to like it when the change is complete, but this is different.

He's being a dick about it if this is what his son wants.

Chitarra · 26/08/2019 19:49

I can't believe how petty your friend is being. His poor son Sad

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 19:52

The mum can use whatever name she likes for him in school, GP whatever, she just has to let them all know he is known as “John [double barrel name]” now and the son can change his name himself in 5 years. At which point he’ll probably remove his father’s name altogether after his father has been such a dick over it.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/08/2019 19:53

Your friend will be overruled.

It would be easier and less stressful for everyone to just double-barrell.

Sunshineinwinter · 26/08/2019 19:55

11 years? No I dont think he should change his name. It has never bothered mum before that he has not got her name.
I am sure son did not just one day start to feel sad about a name he has had from birth! I can guarantee grown ups are the real issue here!

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 26/08/2019 19:55

I have no idea why your mate would be such a knob about this. Tell him to listen to his son and put his opinion first.

Is your friend properly involved with his child? The OP is written strangely, like your friend doesn’t actually see them much.

Vasya · 26/08/2019 19:58

Your friend is being such a dick. Is he usually so petty and difficult?

The courts are likely to take the child's wishes into account if he's old enough to have a view, so his ex may be successful on that basis.

Is your friend really going to fight this all the way to court? What is his reason for being so opposed to it?

NotMyPuppy · 26/08/2019 20:01

Legally, there’s a decent chance the court won’t change the name. She will need to apply for specific issue order, and the court will decide if its in the child’s best interests or not. It’s been a few years since I practised in family law but courts were often pretty resistant absent a good reason.

The fact the child is 11 and wants the name change then maybe the court will go with it, but it’s not a foregone conclusion.

Sunshineinwinter · 26/08/2019 20:01

the fact my friend is marrying someone and that lady will end up with the same surname and the son is feeling a bit sad that he will share a name with a woman that isn't his family. This is the issue and it wont be the sons!

cstaff · 26/08/2019 20:03

This is about what his child wants not his ex. Is there a reason for him to be such a dickhead to his son. He sounds like a knob.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 26/08/2019 20:04

In all honesty I've told him he's being a dick, as he has heard his sons feelings on it. From what his wife has said she's waited until this age so the son has a say and taken more seriously, he has mentioned the name difference for a few years but the Mum thought it might have been a phase.

He does have regular contact. The reason he is opposing is because it's another man's name, he would agree if it was her maiden name.

OP posts:
NotMyPuppy · 26/08/2019 20:05

This is the issue and it wont be the sons!

I agree. It sounds likely the boy has been influenced by his mother, which is very unfortunate if so.

stucknoue · 26/08/2019 20:09

My DD's friend was in a similar position, contact with dad but loved her stepdad dearly as well and felt closer to him. When her 16th birthday was approaching and her dad (birth) asked her what she wanted it was to take her stepdads name (dad consented). She sees her dad whenever she's back from college so it's not that she's estranged but her stepdad was the one cleaning up grazed knees and comforting her when her boyfriend dumped her, biology only gets you so far!

I would suggest you say to your friend he should be pleased that his son has two men in his life that he cares so deeply about to take their name...

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 26/08/2019 20:09

From what the friend says it doesn't seem the son influenced at all and articulated it in a child's way. The point about a new woman having the same name, is the dad's made comments how they'll be a proper family now with matching names. The dad hasn't got any other children, so making the comment has obviously led to the child doing mental gymnastics.

OP posts:
HugoSpritz · 26/08/2019 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MichonnesBBF · 26/08/2019 20:14

the fact my friend is marrying someone and that lady will end up with the same surname and the son is feeling a bit sad that he will share a name with a woman that isn't his family

Why is the childs step father family but the step mother wont be?

MissMalice · 26/08/2019 20:15

I’d be surprised if the court changed the child’s name based on what’s written here.

MissMalice · 26/08/2019 20:16

The mum can use whatever name she likes for him in school, GP whatever,

This is not correct

tigger001 · 26/08/2019 20:35

My friends SIL changed her daughters name to her new husbands name via deed poll. The kids dad was a mess and an alcoholic, whom the daughter had decided to go no contact with.

So her name at school is the new husbands name, also at the doctors, dentist, hospital etc.

tigger001 · 26/08/2019 20:37

Sorry, I do however understand your friend not wanting his child's name changed. It a tough one though as if the child really, really want to then I suppose it's unfair not too . My dad would never have allowed it in a million years but that's a different story.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 26/08/2019 20:38

Michonnes The son isn't the girlfriend's biggest fan. They've been together 2 years. In my opinion the son views the girlfriend as something that's got in the way of a father son relationships. It's never just him and his dad. Always Dad, Son and her. My friend thinks he will grow to tolerate her, the son takes something's the girlfriend says as a dig too his mum. The father believes he's being a bit over sensitive.

OP posts:
Aderyn19 · 26/08/2019 21:07

Your friend needs to start spending time just with his son, without the gf. He's not helping himself here!
Tbh I would be very reluctant to let my child change his name too - I would think the mother ought to have reinforced that family isn't decided according to who has what name.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 22:41

This is not correct

Yes it is.

Swipe left for the next trending thread