Family court loosing child to a proven abuser

[Vee19811]

Hello I've been in and out of court just 3 weeks after given birth. I have not afforded a solictor because I had to stop working in order to support my children's emotional needs. I have shown court emails where my ex admits the sexual and physical abuse to me and my children. The courts granted community contact which I have not obeyed. Now I'm likely to have all my children split up and go to prison I'm told by my ex and courts. I have had to breast feed with my ex abuser watching me and stay in court with my young baby for 9 hours on one appearance. Cafcuss told me that the police protecting me were racist towards the father and that it basically was my fault the abuse took place. I'm writing this and can not beleive this is all really happening. I'm not sure I would believe anyone else telling me this. I have one child with this abuser and my children will all likely suffer. I get emails and letters from his solictor bullying me and she seems to find this all very amusing. Somehow the courts see me as the abuser because I'm preventing our daughter to have contact outside of a contact centre where I feel she is safe. I had a long career in the film industry and also taught at university level. My children will not understand why I have not protected them. How is this allowed to happen

How having you had no solicitor?? You would get legal aid I'd you have no way of paying....

The courts made the abuse on me historic and won't acknowledge my children's abuse. I should mention also my ex is using his cousins contacts in our local town where we attend court as his cousin is a solictor

I have phoned so many solicitors and have not got one as with having baby I'm finding it hard. My ex is also finding other ways to add stress to our household through our joint finances and I'm just feeling overwhelmed

ex admits the sexual and physical abuse to me and my children.. Can you not take this to the police? Admission of sexual abuse to children?!

I think you desperately need to see a solicitor, you need to be represented for this. Legal aid should be able to help, as there was abuse. Theres a website called rights for women and they have a free helpline that is open weekdays who may be able to offer some advice. Sorry you are going through this x

The police opened an investigation and then after 3 months I was told the children were to young and forcthst reason it would unlikely be prosecuted

Can I just try and understand this clearly. I think your stress is understandably making this difficult to write down coherently.

As I understand your last post, are you saying that your ex has admitted sexual abuse against the children. This was reported to the police who opened an investigation but then closed it because 'the children were too young ' ... ? To young for what ? To be abused ? That statement /reason makes no sense. There is no lower age limit for child abuse .. sadly new born babies are abused and abusers prosecuted for it.

The same with abuse against you. No such thing as 'historical abuse' it's abuse wether it was ten years ago or last week.
You may recall that a paedophile was sentenced only last week for sexual abuse of minors over 15/20 yrs ago.

You need to make sure these allegations are registered with the police and then get some legal aid funded legal representation.

I left in 2017 due to the abuse on me and my children. I have emails discussing the abuse with my ex. In these emails the following was bought up. Hitting my son to floor, screaming and smashing glass items at my two young children. How I caught him masturbating twice with our baby daughter. Me telling him not to have phones around the children due to showing my 6/7yr old son porn. Other events of him smashing windows and punching doors just missing my head. The police told me that it would be hard to prosecute due to my children's age. Son now 9, daughter 7 and his daughter with me age 3. The courts saw these emails and still reinforced his community contact which I have disobeyed. They classed the abuse on me as historic this is a term they use in court to say it has not happened in the last year and it makes it so I can not talk about it ever in court again. The reason it has not happened again is because I moved out and don't see him. The family courts are completely different from the other court system and as everything is secretive i.e. No press are given information on judge outcome or court details they are not held accountable. Also I should mention I'm starting to wonder if my ex counsin has contacts as reportsappear to go missing.

I'm not the only one it's happening all over England

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48280292

Sorry but I am incredulous you have a written statement from him that he did that with your baby and it's been ignored?!

I don't have a written statement from him I have emails dating in 2016 where we are talking about it and he is apologising saying it won't happening again and so forth.

But if he mentions what 'it' is?

He admits the abuse in the emails from 2016

I'm confused about what has gone on here. You left when your youngest, who is now 3, was a baby? There has been contact in a contact centre but you didn't comply with contact once unsupervised contact was granted so now action is being taken against you for not complying? Is that a correct summary?

Op you need to contact Women's Aid urgently. They have their own specialist solicitors and you're entitled to free representation as there has been abuse.

Have you made an official complaint to the police about the handling of that case? That's step 1.
Then you get a solicitor. Having a baby doesn't stop you getting a solicitor so I'm not sure why you say you've found it difficult to find one whilst having a 3 year old to look after. Get a solicitor. It's really not a difficult thing to do.
Then let them lead you; you will not get the help you need on here or anywhere else. I'm assuming English isn't your first language from the way you are writing, and if that is the case then court will be even more difficult for you without legal representation. You cannot go through that process when you can't even fully and coherently explain yourself. Get a solicitor!!!

The children also tell me things here and there and I'm advised to listen but not engage in the conversation. I have had one of my daughters once in the bath tub start playing a game with bath toys of hiding a toy in her privates... when I said not to do that she replied that my ex played this game with her. When I write this stuff it really does not feel like my life. You just don't ever think it will happen to you. But he would also force me to do things too sexually. I knew this man as a teen and he changed after we moved in

The thing that hurts the most is being brave enough to say something and then nothing happens. His literally got away with it and his very charming and seems totally pleasant.

Revulva Yes that is right. I'm English, I actually have a A&B in English. I'm not sleeping more then two hours a night through worrying about this. So apologies for my poor writing. I have a 7 month old baby at the moment. I have been in and out of court since my baby was 3 weeks old. She is not his. My older daughter is 3 years old and that is his. Sorry a colourful relationship teack record.

First partner and I was together for 10 years had two children together. Secound was the abuser, I knew him as a teenager but he changed dramatically when living together. Last partner I just fell into the same trap but left it much quicker as I never wanted my children to live with him due to what happened. I fell pregnant and never in a million years thought I would be living this story.

I'm well spoken and present myself well but if you just read this alone I appreciate stereo types kick in.

My ex abuser has somehow made it look like I was a Handful. I'm quite calm but I did make a huge effort to speaker up to him but only via emails and text. I was scared of being hit if I did it in person. He never beat me just shoved me and pushed me down the stairs. He one time when I was painting and he was angry at me for spilling it, he used the end of the paint brush to basically rape me. That one I never reported or talked about before because it hurts too much. He would also make me lay there while he materbated. One time I threw up and he made me eat it. No one would beleive me so I never told a soul. I could not say any of this in court because I'm too scare.

I'm so sorry, this all sounds horrendous. Did you say in your post that you might go to prison or am I missing something?

Also realising my phone keeps autocorrecting incorrect spelling.

I tried to get a friend once to write about what she saw and she was going to then a few days later she started asking questions and I just could not bring myself to tell her. She knew us both as teens and I knew she would not beleive me. I use to be a fashion film director and also worked in feature films doing lighting. I was good at my job, I was confindet, but now I'm scared of most people. My mother abused me, then this relationship followed another narassasist. So after having a baby, having to attend court just weeks after, I also had this other relationship which was effecting me. It was actually his ex wife that helped me see and end. I always thought I was strong and not a push over but I realise I'm totally different in relationships. I'm absolutely staying single for the remainder of my children's childhood.

Yes I was sent a letter saying if I continue to disobey a court order that this is what it could result in. But I just can't send my 3 year old knowing what I know he could do. The courts even though having seen the evidence seem to like him.

I'm finding the whole process traumatic.