Prohibited Steps Order

[iloverupaul]

Does anyone know anything about these? My ex has filed one to stop me from moving back 'home' (where I was raised and where my family are). It's 165 miles from him. I moved due to domestic abuse.

Realistically, would they make me move back/closer? I have a non molestation order against him, proof of abuse and I'm living with my parents.

Bump

Bump 😥

They cannot make you move back.
If you’ve moved your child without consulting your ex, they could in theory order that the child moves back, though that is unlikely.
Do you have proof of DV? Access to legal aid? A solicitor?

@MissMalice I haven't received court papers yet but will be applying for legal aid when I receive them. I have lots of proof of abuse. My child is still very young and breastfed. I can't imagine they would change who he lives with.

@iloverupaul regardless of abuse etc cos this is relevant to courts... did you tell ex you were moving and/or did your child have recognised routine in your original locale eg nursery/ playgroups etc

Do you have a solicitor? You'll need one! Preferably one with experience in DVA.

Meanwhile there's the Rights of Women family law helpline, calling them would be a good place to start.

And you could ask your local Women's Aid if they have a list of suitable solicitors.

Have you called Civil Legal Aid yet?

@nauseous5000 I didn't tell him but he made me move out of the house that we jointly own. I have a non molestation order against him and he isn't allowed to contact me. I'm not sure what else I was supposed to do I had nowhere else to go.

No nursery or anything yet. I'm still on maternity leave.

@AnotherEmma I do yes but waiting for court papers to sort out legal aid. I spoke to rights of women a while back and they actually told me that I have a right to move and that he has no say in that. But I wasn't sure what qualifications the woman I spoke to had.

I haven't contacted civil legal aid. I've not heard of it. Is it a help line?

Sorry it's Civil Legal Advice and it's them you'd call to find out about legal aid, but it sounds as if you're in the process of applying already?
www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice

I believe the Rights of Women family law helpline is answered by family law solicitors

Were/are you married to your ex? Is his name on the birth certificate? If not married and if his name isn't on the bc, he doesn't have parental responsibility which means he doesn't have a say and you can move where you want. He would have to apply to the court for parental responsibility.

@AnotherEmma thank you. I've just googled them and asked for a call back tomorrow. That's really helpful.

His name is on the birth certificate. We weren't married though.

Ok he has parental responsibility then.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-and-the-law-holidays-and-relocation/

And

How can I stop my ex partner moving to another area in the UK with my child?

It would be considered advisable to seek the consent of other persons with parental responsibility before moving to another area in England and Wales. However, it is not unlawful to do so without seeking the consent of other persons with Parental Responsibility.

It is possible for the left behind parent to apply for a prohibited steps order and this would ask the court to prevent the parent intending to move from being able to do so. The Court of Appeal has confirmed that the court will consider the distance that the parent wishes to move and how straightforward it will be to facilitate contact with the parent left behind.

from childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/abduction/

@AnotherEmma he had already told me there's no way in hell he would let me move. In fact he told me I had to move back from my friends house as 45 miles is too far. He wanted me to stay within a 15 mile radius of his house. I didn't ask his permission but I knew how it would go if I did. The only way of me moving was to just do it.

I'm scared now about what will happen in court.

Well how far away are you now?
If the house is jointly owned it will need to be sold won't it, so you can recoup your share of the equity? Unless he can buy you out.
In theory he could relocate, depending on commute times and job prospects.
If and when it gets to court, they will consider what's in your DD's best interests, that includes you being able to support her, by getting practical and emotional support from your family, and having employment opportunities when your maternity leave ends, etc.

Thanks @AnotherEmma - he can't relocate as he has another daughter that lives 30 miles in the opposite direction from him. I'm approximately 180 miles away from him now.

If I didn't move back with my parents, I would've had nobody. I moved to his hometown to be near him. His whole family are there but none of mine. I need my mum and people here to help me with my son. My mum has kept me sane. My ex wasn't interested and never helped. He just abused me and threatened me and our baby. His ex is withholding access to his daughter because she has told a third party he physically hurt her. Not drip feeding, I should have given more context in initial post but wrote it in a panic.

I feel sick to my stomach.

They may order you to do most/all of the travelling for contact.
However they won't order you to move back. And in your situation it wouldn't be in the child's best interests to order the child to live back in previous location with ex so that's not a concern.

Thanks @CityStroll - rights of women and CAFCASS have said it's not appropriate for me to drive as baby is under 1 and breast fed and it's not right for me to drive 6-8 hours in one day with my baby in the car, for only 2-3 hours with baby's dad. It's looking like it'll end up supervised in a contact centre.

We'll see though. I don't mind driving to be honest. Small price to pay to be near my family.

To be honest I think I would rather do the driving! My ex drives dangerously anyway so I'd be happy to do it.

You don't need to explain yourself or apologise for drip feeding. We're all on your side

I know it's easy for me to say but please try not to panic. Get support from your parents, get counselling, get yourself that legal aid solicitor - and it will be ok.

(I really hope that didn't seem patronising! )

Not patronising at all. You've been incredibly helpful and I'm so grateful - thank you 🙏

Courts frown on parents who act unilaterally as it's not considered in the best interests of the child.

The approach you would have been encouraged to adopt before the move is

1. Tell him formally you were planning to move
2. Attend mediation (not relevant in your case) but maybe shuttle mediation.

3 understand his concerns

1. Propose contact arrangements so your child would still have contact.

If this failed ( and it never works with unreasonable men) then go to court to apply for a order to enable you to move. It is called a Specific Issues Order.

You are now at that court stage and a judge at the first hearing is likely to raise the issue of no notice and maybe impose interim contact arrangements. You are likely to be asked to share some of the driving.The fact you have a young child and no home plus non mol, is likely that you will not be ordered back but it is very judge dependant and depends how believable your Ex is.

Just so you know (as it comes as a surprise to most), the courts/judges/cafcass do not care about the impact on you. It is all about what your child needs which a court believes is regular access to both parents.

At the hearing (do you have a date?) a Cafcass report is likely to be ordered and this takes 6-8weeks, it will make recommendations and a judge will read the report before the 2nd hearing and likely to go with their recommendations.

Your Ex will make a strong case for wanting to keep his daughters close together and this will be compelling. Siblings shouldn't be separated, even half siblings.
He will also make a point of your behaviour, acting unilaterally. It will help if you can show that you did raise moving beforehand and therefore he did know. Also if you can show that you have sought to facilitate contact with his daughter post move.

In your favour judges know that people need to move on but your happiness does not trump the impact of your daughter losing a dad and half sister.

What was the contact prior to the move? Has he travelled to see his daughter? How long would it take each way? If he doesn't have family in your area where will he stay to have contact?

I needed to move a short distance to be close to my specialist hospital. Ex went to court and I was surprised how little the resident parent mattered, both parents are seen as equal parents even if you are the main carer. Bf does count as essentially health for a child but that won't be the case forever.

It is important that you are seen as promoting contact even if that means travel and extra work for you.

Sorry cross posted with some of your updates.

Glad you have clarity on bf. Whilst you might want to drive consider the long term impact when you bare back working. If its court ordered you would have to go back to court with all the expense to get it changed.
If your daughter is so young you have 17 years and alot can change in your life and circumstances. Just offer to travel but not all of it! Wait for a judge to determine what is fair as if you volunteer you make regret it down the line.

If you want info on what to expect at court feel free to PM. It's a horrible experience but you will get through it.
Could your solicitor apply to hard the hearjng at your local court?

@lifebegins50 I couldn't tell him formally that I was moving. I was scared he would physically try and stop me. Women's aid told me this would be a bad idea.

I was told mediation was unsuitable in my case.

I tried promoting contact and this was all about appeasement. He wanted me to travel at ridiculous times and be in the house on my own with him and my son and he would further abuse me by being aggressive and angry.

I am in contact with his ex partner and the siblings see each other regularly. For full days at a time. He abused his ex too.

@lifebegins50 x post with some further facts again! Thank you so much and I might take you up on that tomorrow. I'm so scared about mine and my son's future.

I just want to crawl in to a hole and sleep until this is over...

If he was violent and kicked you out of the house you had no choice really and went where you had support and a place to live.

I’d argue that. He can’t kick you and your child out of your home and demand you stay within the vicinity with no home and no support and no finances.

Id also argue that you’re mental and physical well-being is dependant on you being with your parents currently and this does directly impact on your child as he is wholly dependant on you being well enough to care for him.