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Original poster

Can I accept school place without exe's consent?

44 replies

Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:41

Ex is a nightmare. Abusive, controlling etc. My DD has been offered a place at a school (private) Can i accept the place? Ex won't come up with an alternative, just says he'll veto this school. I thought perhaps I could accept it, and if he wants to block it he can take me to court. But would the school accept my son if they know the Dad isn't in favour?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/06/2019 16:42

Are you expecting him to pay fees towards it or can you cover them yourself?

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:45

No my ex would never pay a penny towards school fees or extras or school trips etc and has made this clear (despite being far more well off than me)

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 02/06/2019 16:47

I don’t see why not. I am married but I’ve done the whole school process as the mother and no one has tried to establish what her father thinks (state school) can’t see how he could’ve stopped me

steppemum · 02/06/2019 16:48

I don't know the legal answer, but as you have parental responsibility, I would have though you can make this decision.

I think if he had an alternative, you might be in a worse position.

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:49

We are divorced and the child contact is 50/50 if that's relevant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:50

He hasn't got an alternative. But I wonder if he contacted the school and said he objects whether they'd accept my son or refuse to.

OP posts:
steppemum · 02/06/2019 16:52

so, if your son goes there, and he has to take him on the mornings he has contact, what will he do?

i think you are going to need to solve this with him really

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:53

I don't know how to solve it with him. He just says no to everything and wants to make our lives hell.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/06/2019 16:55

Ask him what he would like for your son.

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 02/06/2019 16:56

He says he wants me to pay to send him to boarding school. I can't afford to and don't want my son to board

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/06/2019 17:02

If he has joint PR then he will have a say, just as you do in that you won't send him to boarding school. I'm assuming your son is below school age at the moment?

GeorgiaGirl52 · 02/06/2019 17:03

Accept the place. If he isn't paying, he has no grounds to object. If he refuses to take or pickup your child from school, go back to court and get the 50/50 custody changed to you as primary and him with limited visitation. The law does not look kindly on parents who cause or allow excessive tardies and absences from school.

steppemum · 02/06/2019 17:08

how old is your son? Is he moving schools, or about to start reception?

Because if he is about to start reception, then you have to find a school. If your ex won;t find one, they you have found one. If he wants an alternative, he is going to have to do something to get it, and at this stage, he will struggle due to all the schools being full.

sincethereis · 02/06/2019 17:10

Accept the place. If he isn't paying, he has no grounds to object

@GeorgiaGirl52
Literally not true. He will have parental responsibility which allows him to object. Please don’t comment with a factual manner when they aren’t facts

Singlenotsingle · 02/06/2019 17:11

Just do it. See what happens. If you've got PR I doubt he can do anything. It would cost money to take it to court and he'd have to convince them that the school was not in the DC's best interests.

Moorcroft · 02/06/2019 17:13

He does have a right to a say. You will need to try mediation first. If that doesn’t work, you will have to go to court for a Specific Issue Order.

I would accept the place, but be aware that there is a possibility that I might lose the deposit (although that seems unlikely if his only suggestion is boarding school)

steppemum · 02/06/2019 17:13

on the positive side, he can't send him off to a boarding school that you pay for, as you simply won't pay, so the school won't accept him!

ThisIsTheEndgame · 02/06/2019 17:17

OP I reckon your best bet is to accept the place and apply for a Prohibited Steps Order preventing your ex removing your child from the school. Do you have the discussions with him about schooling in writing? It will help your case if he isn't suggesting any reasonable alternatives, but you may have to go through mediation before the court will hear the case.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 03/06/2019 11:04

Some of the advice on this thread is terrible.

If you both have PR, you need to agree. You absolutely mustn't act unilaterally. If you do, he could take you to court.

It's all well and good you saying you won't expect your ex to pay, but most private schools make both parents jointly liable for school fees, so if you did stop paying he'd face an awful choice: find the money somehow, or DD would have to leave her school.

If you really can't agree, you'll need to get a Specific Issue Order so the court can decide what is in your child's best interests.

DH's ex tried exactly this, and we managed to stop her unilaterally moving DSD to a private school.

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 03/06/2019 11:08

My son is secondary school age. My question is whether or not the school would accept my son if ex writies in and says he doesn't want him to go there.
I was hoping to accept the place then let my ex take me to court if he objects which would take ages and he might not bother and I have a good case when it comes to it as he's suggesting no alternative.(Just a vague idea of boarding school but no idea what boarding school and done no research) But if all he has to do is write to the school saying he objects so they don;t even let my son start, then I'll have to think again.

OP posts:
YouWhoNeverArrived · 03/06/2019 11:12

@bensonforbeds The school are very unlikely to offer a place if they know your ex objects.

If you cut your ex out of decision making, you risk your ex not just going for a Specific Issue Order. You don't want to give him ammunition to argue for a change of residence on the basis that you're cutting him out of decision-making, do you?

Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 03/06/2019 12:01

He doesn't engage with the process, aside from vetoing the school choices and suggesting I pay for boarding school (I can;t!) so it's very hard to involve him in decision making. What do I do? Say yes to paying boarding fees when I can't? Leave my son with no school? They are the only two options he gives me because he's bonkers and wants to make as much trouble as poss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bensonforbeds · 03/06/2019 12:02

I've been trying to engage him in the decision making process for the past 8 months.. the only response I've had is "I'll veto those schools" and "Pay to send him to boarding school"

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 03/06/2019 12:24

If your ex is refusing to consent to any option you should go to court for a Specific Issue Order. Given that he is not being reasonable you shouldn't have any problem getting an order. Once you have an SIO the matter is decided.

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/06/2019 12:28

I think probably getting some legal advice on your specific situation and how to move forward would be worth while.
I did when accepting my daughter's senior school place as my ex did not offer an alternative.
My solicitor wrote to my ExH laying out the options, what my preferred option and if we had not heard from by X time we would be proceeding with my preferred option.
We listed private senior school and state option we had been offered.

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