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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Child not returned from contact

38 replies

paintwater · 06/05/2019 10:10

Need help! Can’t find any info online on what to do apart from take him back to court which obviously takes ages.

7yo DS spent this weekend (from thurs) with his dad. First full weekend with him (have been building up contact gradually as he wasn’t very involved for first 6 years) and longest DS has ever been away from me. He’s supposed to drop him at school on the Monday however as it’s a bank holiday I asked him to drop him at home instead. He hasn’t and is refusing to, says he’ll take him to school tomorrow instead. Ex lives half an hour away and I can’t drive so can’t go and pick him up.

DS was really worried about being away so long anyway so he’s going to be really distressed.

We have a court order in place. Am I able to phone police or will they not do anything? What can I do?

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 06/05/2019 10:36

is there a residency order attached ?

I think you are a bit stuck till tomorrow. You can get an emergency court but as they aren't open today you are stuck..

I would post in legal though.. I have only learnt this stuff online

TQBD · 06/05/2019 10:37

If there is a court order and you can prove the arrangement you’ve agreed due to the BH I would contact the police.

At the very least, they will go out to do a welfare check.

Passtherioja · 06/05/2019 10:48

Check exactly what your court order says. Does it mention Bank holidays?

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 10:54

Starlight456 I’ve been sorting out taking him back to court anyway for various reasons so will request a short notice hearing (or whatever it’s called) I’ll ask for this to be moved to legal

TQBD
I don’t want to cause DS any extra stress by sending police round if all they can do is check on him and leave him there but I also don’t want Ex to feel like he’s got away with it and will likely do it again

OP posts:

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 10:56

Passtherioja
Court Order says nothing about bank holidays but says term time weekends he should be dropped at school Monday morning. Holidays are split 50/50 but have to be agreed between us which this obviously wasn’t

OP posts:

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 06/05/2019 11:01

Have you spoken to your son, or is he preventing you from doing so?

Bloodymary · 06/05/2019 11:02

Can you not ring social services and speak to a duty officer?

Whisky2014 · 06/05/2019 11:03

Does he have his school uniform?

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 11:06

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad
No, and my messages to ex now aren’t sending so I’m assuming he’s blocked me

Bloodymary I haven’t, I’ve never dealt with social services before so no idea how to go about it

Whisky2014 he does because ex picked him up from school thursday and friday

OP posts:

MNHQ

AnyaMumsnet · 06/05/2019 11:08

Hi there all,

We're moving this to Legal at OP's request

Isleepinahedgefund · 06/05/2019 11:10

A parent with parental responsibility can't kidnap their own child, and this is what the police/SS would tell you as I understand it.

If the court order is silent in bank holidays then I'd say he has as much claim on them as you do, and he doesn't have to return him.

I know it's distressing for you, but I would leave the situation be. I'd be more worried about the consequences of making a fuss/police turning up ie the effect on your son.

Jeezoh · 06/05/2019 11:12

Can you not get a taxi then go and get him?

Mayalready · 06/05/2019 11:15

Please ask the police to do a welfare check or your ds will think you have abandoned him..
He can't be any more stressed than he is and ex can't be filling his head with that you aren't bothered about him.

See a solicitor tomorrow.

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 11:23

Isleepinahedgefund holidays are supposed to be agreed between us, it says that in the court order, this was not only not agreed but I’d explicitly said I wasn’t okay with it as it would already be the longest DS has ever been away from me

Jeezoh I would but can’t really afford a taxi for an hour round trip and I’ve got no idea if they’ll even be there or if they are there he might refuse to hand him over which will be very distressing for DS.

OP posts:

LadyGAgain · 06/05/2019 11:25

If your son is having a nice time with his dad and dad has said he will drop him tomorrow then, honestly, I'd let it go. It's his first long weekend. I don't condone the behaviour but your son is who is important here and if he is happy to stay then perhaps you can take comfort knowing he is happy?

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 11:38

LadyGAgain my son didn’t want to go this weekend. He won’t be happy to stay. He’s already really struggling with the current contact arrangement, which is why I was already planning to go back to court. I also have a toddler who is really upset that he hasn’t seen his brother for this long so it’s having a negative impact on my family life too.

OP posts:

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 11:47

LadyGAgain I name changed to post these as if anyone who knows me reads it it will be obvious it’s me but I’ve posted about less outing issues with ex under my usual username, this isn’t a one-off and the arrangement has had such a negative affect on my son that he’s having to have loads of extra support at school and I’m in the process of seeking professional help for his mental health. By the time I pick him up after school tomorrow he will have been away from me for almost a week, I haven’t seen him since Thursday morning, the longest he’s ever been away from me is 2 nights. He struggles to sleep at his dads and comes home exhausted even after one night. His dad has done things like shut him in his bedroom (old house with stiff latches on the doors) so when he woke up needing the toilet in the night he couldn’t go. According to DS ex sleeps half the day so DS has to sort his own breakfast and everything on his own. He’s also told the school family support worker that he doesn’t like going so it’s not just that he’s telling me he doesn’t like it because he thinks it’s what I want to hear.

OP posts:

CupoTeap · 06/05/2019 11:51

I've had similar issues op which is why I sorted out a court order. It's a complete failure of the system that all scenarios are not covered. They do this day in day out yet we are left with holes that can exploited.

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 12:05

CupoTeap we have a court order in place but I’m taking him back to court and requesting that all holidays etc are included in detail in the new court order so that he can’t do this again. He already brings him back 1hr+ late frequently so it’s all just part of a pattern

OP posts:

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 12:07

My messages are now sending but he’s not reading them. I’ve requested a video call with DS but expecting ex to just ignore it or refuse

OP posts:

Dontcomeinmygarden · 06/05/2019 12:09

If he’s not responding to your messages, refusing to give ds back and you KNOW ds would be unhappy then call the police on the non emergency number now.

Ilovemylabrador · 06/05/2019 12:09

Contact the police and ask them to do a welfare check and say your so. Hasn’t been returned to you and would normally be back on the Monday morning and has no uniform for school etc

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 12:14

Ilovemylabrador he does have school uniform as ex has had him since Thursday after school. My mums here and keeps telling me not to ask police to go as it’ll upset DS so not really sure what to do

OP posts:

S1naidSucks · 06/05/2019 12:16

He’s a bastard, but I honestly think you should hold fire and let him drop your child off at school. Hopefully your poor boy will say something to a compassionate teacher and they will make a note of it. Ask to speak to his teacher on Tuesday morning and ask her to keep an eye on him because of the situation. With some luck, his asshole behaviour will actually turn out to be in your favour. 💐

Original poster

paintwater · 06/05/2019 12:23

S1naidSucks fortunately his teacher is brilliant and school are aware that we’ve been having endless issues with ex. I’ll phone the school in the morning to make sure he is actually there and let them know what’s happened.

OP posts:

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