Changing DS name without his dad's permission...

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My DS is 4 months old. I left my ex (his dad) because he was abusing my verbally. He was a bully, aggressive, angry, controlling and he doesn't currently have any contact with DS as I fled to a different city. SS have told me I'm doing the right thing considering his history. He did the same thing to his ex apparently. He's displayed some strange behaviours and I'm really quite scared of him.

When he was born, I raised the idea of giving him both our surnames. I was bullied out of it. He laughed at me. Told me I was being ridiculous and that there was 'no way my son is having 4 names'

I had a little cry and brushed it to one side. I didn't want him to get angry.

Is there any point in me approaching the court for a name change? Or to at least add my surname on to the end of his? The idea of having to contact my ex every time I go abroad for permission, having to explain the surname difference etc. I can't even bring myself to write it down because I hate my ex so much.

I'm such an idiot agreeing to it in the first place but I felt I had no choice and was in the midst of baby blues...

If you take your childs birth certificate on holiday you should be ok.
I tried to do this, as i remember naming my ex on the cert gave him parental responsibility and it would have been a big deal to change it so i didnt. I remember the registra saying that i could change dds name in her first year of life though. Id chech with your local registras office. Also if he was abusive then removing pr may be wise. Good luck op.

Bumping..

You can use any name for your child for everyday purposes. Schools for example will ask what your child's legal name is but you can specify a "known as" name, which can be yours.

I changed my dc's by deed poll. Ex can apply to the courts to force you to change it back. Given his behaviour that's doubtful imo. A solicitor had no issue with me changing it. Cost £15 each dc.

@Chocolateisfab good for you for just getting it done. I'm scared about what he's going to do when he finds out 😥 did you just book an appointment to discuss it with a solicitor?

Just booked an appointment. No issue.

"Also if he was abusive then removing pr may be wise. Good luck op"

OP can't just have PR removed (assuming she is in one of the UK jurisdictions)

I assume from the way you've posted that he is on the BC - is that assumption correct?

Without the father's permission a change of name deed should be worthless. No organisation should accept that, alone, as evidence that a name has been legally changed.

I would be very cautious about doing it without the fathers consent and friend of mine has been torn to shreds in court for doing it as is now being criminally investigated.
Highly likely that if you go through the courts you will be able to add your surname.

@Farahilda he's on the birth certificate yes. I'm not looking to remove PR. I'm also scared that if I just change his name I could be taken to court for it then forced to pay all legal fees, and end up with his name changed back!

@Lonecatwithkitten I would be happy adding my surname without removing his name. I would like to just add it to the end and I could just stop using his name on forms etc.

You can change his name without permission if you can prove abandonment. ExH didn’t see DS after he was 8 weeks old. I saw a solicitor. I claimed child support. He’s spent 3 years using every loop hole to avoid paying. After 2 years I went to court and was given permission to change DSs name without permission. DS is now known as my surname. HMRC etc have all accepted the deed poll. It’s a long pain in the arse process.

You can change his name without permission if you can prove abandonment A novel (and incorrect) suggestion. From someone who changed their child's surname by applying to court.

@collaborate Nope. I did it. There are other ways but this is the route I took after speaking to a solicitor.

www.ukdp.co.uk/child-name-change-court-order/

@ThatFalseEquivalenceTho The link you posted literally says this: Please note that in this situation, where consent has not been obtained, there is a high chance that not all official record holders such as the Identity and Passport Service will accept the name change. For this reason, we advise that you attempt to obtain a court order when changing the name of a child with whom an absent father is involved.

I think PP means that a court is quite likely to grant permission for a change of name on the grounds of abandonment.

Not that you can just state abandonment yourself and crack on

Yes... I took the evidence of abandonment (a long letter from CMS about no payments, how he was job hopping to avoid payments, how he was moving house every few months), as well as letters from the mediator which stated ExH had told them he didn’t want anything to do with DS, to court and was granted the name change. I quite clearly said I went to court.

If your ex has parental rights then he may get an order to stop you taking the child out the country. Or he may not. Child’s name won’t make any difference .

And your won’t have to explain the surname difference to anyone ever. Millions of children around the world have a different name from one of their parents.

To be honest the thing that bothers me most is having to write the surname of my abuser on forms, being reminded of how i was bullied out of having my own name included on DCs birth certificate. I was so controlled by him.

I can understand that’s very upsetting .

OP it was the same for me. Controlling, financially and emotionally abusive bastard he was.

@ThatFalseEquivalenceTho horrid isn't it. Different though as my ex wants to take me to court for access to our DC.

As Collaborate says, to change the child's name you need either the father's consent (assuming he is named on the birth certificate) or a court order. "Known as" names or any of the other ruses that are regularly suggested to get around the law on Mumsnet should not work. No official body (school, doctor, passport office, etc.) should accept a change of name unless there is evidence of consent or a court order.

Regardless of your child's name, if the father is named on the birth certificate you need his consent or, failing that, a court order to take your child out of the country. Many parents get away without this but every year some find they are refused boarding at the airport or turned away at their destination because they cannot show they are legally entitled to take their child abroad. If you get a court order stating that the child lives with you, that will give you the right to take your child out of the country for up to one month without needing the father's consent.

Depending on how you feel, whilst you can’t change your child’s surname without fathers consent you CAN change your own surname to match your child’s.

I will never take my abusers surname.